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Respect

wingsoflife7's picture

Submitted by wingsoflife7 on Fri, 12/04/2015 - 7:21am

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General Discussion

So over 11 years ago I married for the second time. The hubby had 2 sons one living with him and one that came to live with us about a year or so after we married. The boys were 5th grade and 7th grade.

Shortly after moving into the home I went to grab my change off my bedside table and it was gone. Yep one of the kids took it. This was an acceptable thing for the boys to do with their dads change. I said point blank this is MY money and I use my change for work, they need to respect my space and my things. More so they need to stay OUT of the bedroom this is a personal area. They need to respect us.

I was told that I needed to give respect to get it. What a joke. How can I respect a kid who lies, steals and disregards adults direction?

Now those kids are grown. One of them gets the whole respect thing for the most part. The other younger adult 22yrs old still does not get it. OMG It is like the world owes him and it is his way or no way. Dad has always fixed things for him and almost never says no to any request. This is getting old, very very old.

My question is, how do you instill respect on Skids and Sadults?

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Fri, 12/04/2015 - 6:17pm

True. I have to say, from what I've seen, this is not all that usual--that one SK will be okay with divorce, new step-mom or dad and another not. I have a similar situation with my SKs too. I almost think it is something in their DNA, where they either can adjust quickly and move on regarding that kind of bomb or not. BUT, unfortunately, there is little you can do once they are adults or even teenagers. Once they have or get that sour attitude, that is kind'a it. They tend to look at the world as me vs. them, and especially any steps. Once in a great while if the right SO comes along, they might be able to shake them out of it, but rare.

stepinafrica's picture

Submitted by stepinafrica on Fri, 12/04/2015 - 7:42am

LOL. Dontcha know it is the adults who need to respect the kids? This is not 1950 anymore.

wingsoflife7's picture

Submitted by wingsoflife7 on Fri, 12/04/2015 - 8:37am

Yep I have been called that and other things. The Husband even calls me a hardass! That's OK, my 4 daughters are STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMEN, His boys need to grow a set and own it.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 12/04/2015 - 7:42am

Full confrontation and zero tolerance with both the toxic spawn and the useless father will solve it. The key is you have to commit to destroying the behavior you are confronting and not leaving even a twitch out of compliance unpunished. Holding the responsible individual(s) accountable and bringing escallating consequennces will fix just about anything. You have to learn to enjoy barring the asses of idiots though or it will wear you down. So, reward yourself for holding them accountable, a very good bottle of wine, a trip to the spa, rekeying the locks to the house and pointing them in the direction of the nearest homeless camp under a local overpass, etc...

No quarter and take care of yourself.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 12/04/2015 - 1:02pm

With toxic idiots it will never be about respect. It is about compliance and tolerable behavior. I for one couldn't care less if they respect me. More importantly, I do not and never will respect them even when they fall into compliance in a sniveling whine. If they comply and abandon the unacceptable behavior then I will let thin retain some level of calm in their lives. If not.... }:)

I do not tolerate a toxic people in my life. Fortunately, I have amazing people in my life who are far from toxic.