I feel very, very sorry for you because I know what it's like to be in that situation.

Unfortunately, the only person who can stop her behaviour is your DH. He has to teach her that she needs to show you respect and treat you accordingly. Skid has to learn that you and DH are a united front and her attitude will have to adjust to it.

If that doesn't work, then you need to disengage. I'm hoping OC will post the link. Essentially, it means that if she won't listen to you, then back away. Don't do anything for her - no cooking, don't do her laundry etc. Have DH do everything for her. Sometimes DH's need a hard lesson in parenting their own child and not expecting their partners/wives to do it for them, if their kids don't show respect.

Be strong and don't let her attitude upset you. Let DH fix it and let him parent her. My SO treated me the same way early in our relationship. We went to see a Counsellor who helped him see the light. She made him see that he was treating his child like his equal and this is what 'causes so much upset in new relationships. SO is still learning. SD hasn't visited us in over a year because she demands to be the #1 woman in my SO's life. As long as she has that attitude, she'll never be allowed to return to us. She needs to learn consequences and that she cannot control relationships - no matter who it's with.

Jessy are you married now?
If not, get married so that worst case you will have a claim for cs from SO. Assume e is named on the birth certificate.
How old are 'princess' and his son?
I don't think I'd help get them to come back from mexico. Let them stay with mom.
has he always worked crazy shedules?

this is something that you cannot control. these are external factors. i had this situation with adult sds who were living with us briefly.

they visited bm and both came home to pick fights with me. i think they were projecting what they felt about their mother on to me. bm left the father to marry her lover and then second husband found a mistress. the power of karma.

Jessy, you are not alone. There are many of us out in the "virtual" world who can relate to some of what you post.

It sounds as if your DH is still quite involved with BM... constant texting, etc. A few times a month, okay, more than that ? I begin to think power-struggle, unresolved emotional issues, stuff that you have no control over but which are not good for your relationship.

Abortion? You are young and made the best choice that you could at that time. I wish you peace. Said as a 51 year old Catholic woman with almost 30 years between us...

BTW: if you felt used ? You probably were. Insta-mom, insta-daycare, insta-whatever for SD. I believe that this is frequent especially with young charismatic males who have children that they have no idea how to parent. Get a girlfriend/wife because the daycare situation and cooking and doctor's visits and everything ---- it just seems so overwhelming to many young men. I may be selling your DH short, (disrespecting), but it's not unusual.

So, what? You might go down a path and think later: "No. This is not healthy. This is not helping me to become a better Jessy. This is not a path which leads me to be the person I dreamed of becoming."

Guess what ? We all have gone down paths which forked right/left and we wondered if we took the best trail.

Single mother without craziness ? You've got my vote. Yes, children benefit from both men/women, father/mother role models in their lives. But it does not have to be the Bio's. It can be grandparents, and close friends and stepparents.

So far what I am hearing is a healthy "inner voice" ... listen to it.

Hey Jessy, firstly congrats on your baby boy! I dont think you need to read my reply to know that the relationship you are in is not healthy. You can recognise that for yourself.
My boyfriend and his ex got pregnant with a "whoopsie" and they chose to do the right thing by moving in together and trying to make it work. It didnt work, they split when my SD was just a few months old. They were not married at any point but had been dating a while before SD was born.

My point is, regardless of whether or not you are married you state that you got pregnant and have done your best to make this work, but its not working for you. If you have honestly worked to try to make it work and give your son a "normal" home life then hats off to you, but dont beat yourself up, sometimes relationships dont work out. And often having children makes people stay flogging a dead horse for longer, prolonging the situation for everyone involved.

That being said, if you are not married, DO NOT get married. If you separate you will still be able to obtain CS for your son, the parentage of the child is the only thing that matters for CS, not whether or not you are married. I dont believe anyone should enter into marriage if they hold any amount of doubt.

You need to have a sit down with your partner and talk things through. If he is working so much then you need to figure out a way for things to work, if you want to make them work. But only try to make it work if YOU want this relationship to work, if you do not love your partner for who he is then there is no point.
You mention your first boyfriend died, and that you think that is contributing to how you ended up with your current partner. If that is true then you really need to be taking a close look as to what this relationship is, because in all honesty, HE deserves to be with someone that wants to be with HIM just as much as you deserve someone who loves you for you, not for your inbuilt babysitting and not for his convenient paycheck.

Is he working so much because you are not? I imagine you are currently on maternity leave to care for your son, but do you have a form of income or is this why he is having to work so many hours?
You are going to need to go through everything to try to figure a way through, if you want him to work less hours but his is the only wage coming into the household, then you will have to work too. Relationships are all about partnerships, and part of that is to both be involved.

As to your step daughter, if dad sent her to her mother and is now wanting her back, without any form of documentation to support him, he will probably struggle to regain custody. No body should be able to just send their child away, if one parent sends the child indefinitely to the other they are essentially surrendering custody rights. This is even more true for fathers, sucks that the system is so biased to mothers but it is what it is. Chances are he will have a very difficult fight and if he is not even able to be home for his daughter anyway it may deemed best for her to remain in her mothers care. But again, this is something that you both need to talk through because otherwise you may well end up with him resenting you because he sent her away to make things better for you.
As to him needing to pay child support, well, whether he likes it or not, thats the law, he was silly to not claim it from the BM but should she claim, he will have to pay, its as simple as that.

Im so sorry to hear that you felt that you needed to abort as you didnt want to be tied down further to this family unit. I think that speaks volumes, I am not someone who is particularly for or against abortion, I believe every woman should be able to make that decision for themselves but I can only imagine that it is a very difficult one to make.

Being a single parent will be hard, ofcourse it will, it takes two people to create a baby and it should take two people to raise it, so if you become a single parent you will ultimately take on two roles and have double the work. But, the plus side is people do it and people have been doing for as long as people have been having babies.

Happiness is very important, you deserve happiness, your son deserves to see his mother happy, your partner deserves to also feel loved and happy and I imagine if you are feeling this desperate then he cannot be happy either.

I wish you all the best, take the time to think things through but do not be afraid to make a decision and take action, you only get one life, live yours.