SD herself states she is trying to be more immature... *insert my eyeroll*
during SD's last visit, she stated that everyone was asking what happened to their sweet, joyful, innocent little girl... SD is 17, there is such a thing called growing up! I think this has to do with BM feeding lines about DH being bad for her mental health (because he doesn't just blindly listen to her lies) and how he's causing her to be so depressed.... what ever....
But SD said she's going to start trying to be like her "old self" and be innocent and playful and child like... I don't know how she can be MORE child like.... this child already acts like a 12 MAYYYYBE 13 yo...the ONLY thing that has changed with SD in the past 12 years that I have been in SD's life is she is interested in boys oh and when she was 9 she FINALLY started wiping her own butt! her attitude hasn't changed, she still talks about ALL the same things with the same energy, excitement.
I mean this girl is so immature that she cried hysterically when she found out my 18yo did something sexual with someone, and cried again when she found out about my 17yo did something sexual with her boyfriend of about a year.
SD said she's going to start
SD said she's going to start trying to be like her "old self"
Sooo, she's going to need someone to wipe her butt?
OMG!!! lol lets hope not!!!!
OMG!!! lol lets hope not!!!! I just can't imagine what she hope that this will accomplish. I am thinking mybe she's scared about being an "adult". Like this girl is 100% incapable of taking care of herself. She can't work hard for ANYTHING in the world.
Ignore
Ignore these attention-seeking actions.
Oh, I ignore it, but it helps
Oh, I ignore it, but it helps if I am able to come vent, share these ridiculous things she says/does. If I keep it all build up, eventually i would explode.
I know what you mean
It helps me to vent, too. We bite our tongues a lot! Lol.
Sd232 Feral Forger
I can imagine her saying something similar. At 23 still no license and now no job.
I can honestly see sd in the
I can honestly see sd in the same situation. Living at her moms house, going no where (esp since she can't get into her dream school with her SAT score and seems to not want to take it again even though she has 1 more year in high school)
She's been taking driver's ed for a year now, she's completed the written part, but has only driven 1 time with her mom... I've been with her in the car more times than her mom... this girl almost took out a tree in someone's yard! After that i refuse to be in the car with her driving. I refuse to be outside with her driving.
There are any number of non competitive entry Colleges/Uni's.
Dream school or not. She either has the intestinal fortitude to do it, or she does not.
My under grad spanned 11years (in class every semester), 7 colleges/universities, & 6 majors. I graduated 2wks after my 30th birthday. I started my company at 21, ran it for 6 years, sold out to my partners, and changed to my final major of Engineering. My schools included private colleges, public universities, and private for profit universities. All accredited by an accrediting body recognized by the US Department of Education. People get wrapped around the axle over their Dream School or their passion when it comes to education when IMHO is is about marketable skill and qualifications. No more, no less. There are generally not many STEM degree holders whining about not finding a job, etc....
IMHO parents do a dis-service to their kids sending them off for the "college experience" and to "find their passion". The investment of education has to be one with a focused upside and targeted outcome. An educaiton without associated earning potentional is a suboptimized effort for the student, and a suboptimized investment for the parents who are paying.
Interestingly I had a talk with one of my staff over the weekend, a person I have worked with on and off for nearly 30 years, whose eldest still owes more than $100K in school loans ~17 years after undergrad graduation. High dollar dream school, altruistic degree choice, moderate to low earning potential. He offered to pay for college for all of his kids if htey chose from a short list of majors from State schools. One followed his guidance and is doing exceptionally well. The others either chose dream schools/dream degrees or started under his guidance nad decided to change majors. He cut the kids making those choices off from the parental college gravy train.
Of course there is always value in any degree for highly talented people in any particular field. However, for low job market return majors, and for those who are not top talents, dreams should be tempered with a market based decisioning approach.
IMHO of course.
and this is the truth! SD
and this is the truth! SD wants to be a teacher, since there is a teacher's union, most teachers come out making the same amount, REGARDLESS of what school they went to.... so going to a "dream school" IMHO is pointless... DD17 wants to be a doctor, and is choosing between 2 schools, one has already given her a full ride offer, she's waiting on the second school (one that she REALLY wants to go to) to see if they can match (or get close to the offer)... she's wanting MINIMAL student debt with BIG income oppurtunity.
Ok , time for a present.
Ok , time for a present. Fill it with baby supplies, wipes, diapers, bottle, baby spoon, stupid toys, you get the picture. Take away all of her electronics, tv, fancy clothes and accessories, babies don't need that stuff. Make her wear a bib for meals. Naps, early bedtime, she wants to indulged? Indulge her. Idiot kids. Why grow up when life is cushy. adolescence needs to suck a bit so they move out. Smdh.......
Right! She's incredibly
Right! She's incredibly annoying and gross IMO... I'm not really sure what she's trying to achieve with this...
"I'm not really sure what she
"I'm not really sure what she's trying to achieve with this"
It's just a different style of attention-seeking. She somehow thinks this will shine a postive light on her.
Ok, you're right! I didn't
Ok, you're right! I didn't think of that... here we don't appreciate immaturity, so i see it as negative, literally repulsive imo... but on BM's side of the family, they are different, they enjoy infantilization.... so she wants to get that attention from them in that manner, and thinks it will garnish the same attention from us... that makes sense... but yea, no, it's gross
These stunted skids seem to
These stunted skids seem to resist growing up, and there's not much we stepparents can do to fix shi!!y parents.
What we CAN do is not enable, and play the long game by planting seeds and making it clear what rules will be implemented once the skids turn eighteen. My DH's younger daughter was very resistant to growing up - she lacked ambition and coping skils. I always approached this with my DH as wanting what was best for SD, needing to have a plan so we were all working togather, blah blah.
YSD showed no interest in getting her license, even though I'd taught her how to drive and had a cute spare car she could use. So I let it go until she turned eighteen. Less stress not having a teen driver, anyway. I waited about a month after her eighteenth birthday before giving my thirty day notice of resignation as her chauffeur. I nicely let her know that she was an adult, and responsible for her own transportation. The thought of gasp! having to take public transport to high school motivated her to take her driving test, which she failed. She did pass on her second attempt.
Luckily sd lives at her mom's
Luckily sd lives at her mom's during the week and I've stopped taking a ANYWHERE. DH can if he wants, but he works all the time and doesn't have time. My dd17 is kind enough to take her to the mall (if she's going anyways).
I guess voluntary age
I guess voluntary age regression is a thing... I looked online... explains a lot... ughhh
That's so disturbing!
That's so disturbing!
If she wants self determination, she launches.
If not, she lives under the daddy thumb and the SM hairy eyeball. No tolerance for baby bullshit, full immediate confrondtation, and overbearing limiting of self determination. If she wants to act like a baby, she is treated as a baby, with baby appropriate limitations and micro managment parenting.
I agree, yet, that's up to DH
I agree, yet, that's up to DH and the fact that he has basically given up on SD in the past few years, I don't think he will do ANYTHING about it... ANY amount of disciplining, or even just not believing in her lies, he recieves a phone call/visit from BM yelling at him screaming that he is detrimental to SD's mental health... and then SD doesn't come for months on end... which I could honestly care less about, but it hurts DH and that is who I do care about, so if SD wants to be an infant, if she wants to wah wah wah and what not, I will just leave the room, take a breath, meditate, grab a glass of whine. I could tell her to leave my presence.... but nothing is ACTUALLY likely going to happen.
That is just it. It is not entirely up to DH.
It is also, and equally so, up to you. If DH will not step up and get the parenting and discipline done to your satisfaction, then he and SD need to gird their loins and hang on because you will do it. It is amazing how effective this tactic is in driving a reticent coddling parent to actually set and enforce standards of behavior and performance for kids in YOUR marital/relationship home. Kids are not equity partners in the home, they benefit from the equity life partnership that provides the home, food, transportaiton, clothing, electronics, etc, etc, etc....
When the coddled failed family progeny are faced with clarity on all of this, things improve in a hurry. IF, note the BIG if, they have no choice but to comply or suffer. No kid should ever be put in a level of priority equal to the equity life partners or their partnership. E.V.E.R! Kids are the top adult relationship responsibility, they are not the priority. A family, blended or otherwise, is not a democracy. Kids do what they are told. Adults/parents do the telling.
End of discussion.
IMHO.
I am at the point in my life
I am at the point in my life that I could care less if this child crashes when she "tries to fly the coop" or if she even tries to "fly the coop" at all... she doesn't learn ANYTHING here, I have tried to instill the same values as I have my own children. What she HAS learned is that if she doesn't get her way here, or isn't worshipped to her liking, she just goes home and tells on us to her mommy, then she doesn't come for a certain amount of time, you know, since we are soooooo detrimental to her mental health *insert eye roll* (I swear one day my eyes are going to stick that way I do it so often talking about her).
At this point, if SD even SEEMS remotely trying to get out of visitation (mentions that anything is happening on his weekend) he tells her to just stay at her mom's and he'll get her next time... since this past summer when she threw the biggest fit and then didn't come for MONTHS (and it was the most GLORIOUS couple of months) he has forfieted SOOOO many visits with SD that she's hardly made it here but maybe once a month, POSSIBLY twice a month... but I have VERY much enjoyed every moment with out SD being here. And when she turns 18, I doubt she'll be here at all.