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Should SD's monthly visit be skipped becasue of this?

chickadee11's picture

Submitted by chickadee11 on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 11:45am

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We get SD every 3rd weekend and last year her birthday just happened to fall on the Friday we got her. Well this year her birthday will be on the Saturday we are supposed to get her, however she brought up the issue that since we had her last year on her birthday that her mom should get her this year. Her dad was all ready to take her out for her "Sweet 16" to a nice restaurant, but was okay with not getting her until the following weekend. When SD got home to her mom's last time we had her she asked me to check the parenting plan to see if we just skip her visit altogether then since it falls on her birthday weekend and just get her the 3rd weekend in November. Like when we got her the whole month of August, we skipped her 3rd weekend in July visit because she would be coming a little over a week after that.

I looked in the parenting plan and I see mention of spring break, summer break, Christmas, but the only other special occasions mentioned are Mothers Day and Fathers Day. There is no mention of her spending her birthday with any specific parent. So in reality, we really SHOULD get her again for her birthday weekend. If DH knew this he would probably fight tooth and nail to get her, but I don't see why SD shouldn't spend it with her mom.

In any case, if she does spend that weekend with her mom, we should just get her the following weekend then shouldn't we? That doesn't totally nullify her October visit does it? I mean if her birthday fell on the Thursday before she was supposed to come, we'd still get her for that weekend.

daddyrob's picture

Submitted by daddyrob on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 12:04pm

I cannot speak for all, but my schedule and my wife"s schedule with our kids allows for flexibility. I agree, if she spent last year's bday with her BD, then this year she should spend it with BM. But it doesn't nullify a whole month's worth of visits. I think she should be with BD the following, or previous weekend. just my opinion.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 1:32pm

Agree if she comes to visit the weekend before. If you do it later then you run the risk of her not showing and BM pitching a fit about "not your weekend". I only say this because it sounds like she does want to spend her sweet 16 with her mom, which is understandable.

sbm014's picture

Submitted by sbm014 on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 6:37pm

I agree with tog suggest another weekend - you can still do a special dinner. I know as a child I wanted to be able to spend birthday with both parents, mind you my father wasn't around for the ones I was close enough to spend with him but I feel her pain whether it is truly her pain or something BM planted in her ear.

I have said this before BM had SS for his birthday and still didn't do the big celebration until like 2 weeks later it shouldn't be a big deal.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Fri, 09/27/2013 - 11:38pm

As much as she is putting it out there she wants to spend her 16th with her mother and skip the whole weekend. I'm thinking at that age she's wanting to be clues to her friends for her 16th it's a big deal to them I would agree and swap weekends. But if she's got herself a boyfriend then be prepared for more of this. She's beginning to grow up.

I am curious as to why she would ask you to check the parenting schedule and not her mother if she was so keen to spend the weekend with her mother, or Why didn't she ask her dad.

I clearly no nothing about this young girl, so not suggesting this is the case. But if she hasn't run this past her mother, maybe mom knows nothing about it. Could she be planning a weekend where dad thinks she's with mom, and mom thinks she's with dad.

It just seems very off that she didn't get her mother to check the schedule. If that's where she wanted to be for her birthday. Perhaps I'm just getting too cynical into old age Smile