DH always maintains that he thinks SD does understand, or that someday she will understand, that her BM is not a good mother, cannot be relied on, does not do things for her, does not have her best interest in mind. BM lies about things all the time, and he thinks SD figures it out. I usually take the more cynical and depressing view that BM is the child's mother and no matter how bad she is, SD is going to see her with rose-colored glasses.

Sometimes though I know she "gets it" about what kind of person her mother is, and how her mom will not come through for her.

Sometimes it's just a little thing, like today the girls were talking about someday having a "Sweet 16" party, something extravagant. I said they could have something special but it wouldn't be like what they show on MTV or whatever. SD12 was saying she wanted that kind of extravagant party and I said, "Well ok, how bout you get your mom to pay for that birthday then?" Without missing a beat she says "Well that's never going to happen then!"

This was a funny lighthearted conversation all the way through, I don't know if it comes out right when it's written down, without knowing her. But it was funny. A couple years ago she probably would have said "Great, I know my mom will do it!" and what's worse is her mom would have promised it, and then at the last moment backed out. SD would have believed BM right up til the moment her mom flaked. I mean every year for the past 5 years BM has had SD convinced they are going to England for Christmas, etc. And every year SD has been so surprised when it doesn't happen. So it's nice to see a shot of reality has been injected into SD!