sick of babying
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My step son is turning 10 this week. He requires a 45 minute bed time which I dont agree with put I pick my battles. Half the time, he calls him.back in. We will be having a conversation and I hear "mom!" from the other room. She goes in and he gets another 5-10 minutes. I cant stand how babied this kid is. I try to tell my wife he is going to be in middle school and 2 years and this stuff really needs to stop. I teach at the middle school he will be going to. She tells him not to call her but he keeps doing it and she keeps going. So frustrated.
This is a fight you can not win
All you can do, is tell DW to get SS in line. what's the bed time for a close to middle school kid? Maybe making his bed time later would be a compromise
time doesnt matter
We went to an event on Saturday. His bedtime started around 1030, still took to 1115. Guess what happened at 1130.
So go in the other direction.
Every time he pulls this baby bullshit, pull his bed time in by 30mins. Each time, bed 30mins earlier and that new bedtime holds for 30 days of visitation unless he has another baby bullshit session, then 30mins earlier until he reaches the 30 days without bedtime bullshit. Then, he goes to bed 30mins later. Do not take it back to his previous bedtime until he earns 30mins back 30 days at a time. No electronics, no lip, no bullshit.
Kids do not get a say, they do not get an opinion, they do not get to do anything but what they are told when they are told. Particularly when they are a younger kid. 10 is younger. Even if they are in their mid to late teens and This coddle, cater, kiss kid ass crap is nauseating and can be such a huge turn off for someone who unfortunately marries into these failed family circuses. I would not be in a relationship with someone who would rather wallow in the cesspool of their failed family drama than make a life of adventure and a love for the ages with me and who is incapable of keeping their failed family baggage in their place.
Idk it kinda sounds like she
Idk it kinda sounds like she wants to keep him her little baby forever. Some parents can't let go. ETA maybe some hope is that SS will see how babyfied he is and rebel against it when he gets a few years older.
wants to be babied
I have never seen a kid who wants to be babied more in my life. He is so pathetic.
Yeah, now he does, because
Yeah, now he does, because that's how he has been trained to be. By his mom. But when he gets a little older he may realize this isn't normal and start to push back.
hope so
I hope you are right but I doubt it will happen with him
It will if his peers get wind
It will if his peers get wind of this.
wimpy kids
So many kids are like him now. So many 10-12 year old hold mommy's hand in public.
Well, this seems to be a
Well, this seems to be a mommy issue. Mom is allowing/enabling/supporting the needy behavior. It sounds like it is habit or ritual at this point and she is getting something out of it. If she is not willing to change how she parents, can you accept this?
I'm afraid the kid is the focus of your frustration when he's the kid--his mother is feeding this.
new behaviour
This is new. I dont think his mom likes it either. She agreed that he has to givr up screens if he calls her in. He then gave her a laundry list of reasons he would need her 10-15 minutes later that she had to refute. She is part of the problem but I feel like this kid just wants to be constantly babied. He needs a lot or most of the accountability. Her daughter was nit like this at all at 10.
He then gave her a laundry
She doesn't have to refute squat. She's the adult. It's up to the adult to set boundaries and stick with them. This behavior sounds like it is being fed. What specifically is being done to encourage more independence in this child?
Can you all distract him?
Can you all distract him? Like Harry said, can he go to bed later (and do something to wear himself out beforehand), go to bed with...gasp...a tablet (ok, ok, or a book)? Is he scared of the dark? If so, can you all arrange for more light in his room?
Sounds to me that the 45
Sounds to me that the 45 minute bedtime is just about right to initiate foreplay for nightly intimacy that will start behavioral modification of mommy to ignore the coddled 10yo. Be overt. Make it known that that time is couple time and DW is no longer the koddle provider beck and call target for the kid.
Adults get adult time that the kids do not get to interfere in. Start training momm on that fact.
See if that works.
A 10yo with a 45min bed time
A 10yo with a 45min bed time ritual in your home is absolute proof that your DH is an idiot. What BM does at her home has no bearing on what happens in yours.
Dose he need a good night sleep
Before school. Move his bed time 30 minutes early. Then he will only be 15 minutes late
That's actually a great idea.
That's actually a great idea. And make it a full 45 minutes earlier. "If y'all are going to take 45 minutes to say goodnight, you're going to start 45 minutes earlier. Then we can all have a good night's sleep."
I'd do it the other way
I'd do it the other way around and make him get up 45 minutes earlier in the morning. Sooner or later he'll be tired enough to just fall into bed and sleep, if not, add an extra 15 minutes in the morning and give him lots of stuff to do in the evening, washing the dishes, folding his clothes, tidying out a cupboard or drawer, weeding while the evenings are still light, ditto for mowing the lawn, etc.