SO birthday
Ignore the rant. I feel like I'm ruining him day. I'm just exhausted. I haven't had a break since I became a stepmom let alone a mom mom. I'm tired of no being prioritized. I'm tired of having to baby everyone in the house through cleaning the house. If I don't it doesn't get done and my stress and anxiety goes through the roof. It's getting harder and harder to not be a total jerk when it comes to basic every day tasks. I'm tired of telling him that his son should go to the bathroom and the dishes should be done and his bed should be made BEFORE he starts getting ready for bed. My laundry hasn't been done since my son was born. My bedroom is a mess because I put myself last. I'm just so tired and I can't control my attitude anymore. My meds aren't helping anymore. I just want a day when everything is clean and I don't have to talk him step by step.
It's not that he doesn't
It's not that he doesn't clean. He just has to have someone tell him to do it all the time. I shouldn't have to tell an adult that when the trash is overflowing that it needs to go out. I shouldn't have to say that his dog needs to be brushed and the house needs to be vacuumed because of all the shedding. I shouldn't have to tell him when the baby is hungry or tired when I've already told him the basic schedule. I shouldn't have to tell him that sheets and blankets need to be washed more often.
He has a special needs son. I'm not going to shampoo the carpets/furniture every day. He's 13 and he gets so stuck in his iPad that he just pees wherever he is. I shouldn't have to tell him that his son needs to do more than just be glued to a screen.
I'm sure his excuse would be that I'm home all day and I want laundry done a certain way. The least he could do it wash his lunch dishes when he comes home to an empty sink. He could put away some of the clean laundry even if it's just his.
Theres a lot that we could both do. I'm just tired of it all. I've missed out on so much of my sons life already because of his ex's petty BS. I've been with their dad for three years and we don't have a single family picture together. I'm the one that encourages him to have his son(SS13) video call his mom on the weekends. I have to sit in my own house and act like I'm not here. I'm constantly sorting through SD11 clothes and sending back clothes that are too small because her mom doesn't do it. The girl wears an 8 in women's jeans and she still sends her here in girls 12-14. She's wearing underwear with poop and period stains too.
I've stepped up where they have failed and I'm still the bad guy.
Wow that is a lot to deal
Wow that is a lot to deal with on top of also having a new baby.
It is so frustrating when men can't look at the house around them and figure out what needs to be done. do you have a place in your house where you can put a list of some of the tasks and chores that need to happen pretty much every day? if you find yourself constantly telling him what to do in order for something to get done this might simplify it and you can just tell him hey can you do some things off the board for me?
His kids sound disgusting. I hope he is helping with the baby because it sounds like he's totally checked out of helping with the older ones.
We make lists all the time.
We make lists all the time. There was a list that we made with the kids on Friday with maybe 20 items on it. I think only 3 were completed and that's because with told him to do them. He's still working on one of them. That was planning HIS birthday dinner with HIS friends. His birthday was yesterday and he wanted to spend time with friends today because the kids went home to their moms. I told him to contact them weeks ago and to finalize details on Friday. He called them last night. At 8pm. He just told me that he still doesn't know what time we're meeting or who needs a ride.
His kids need to be babied too. He has to sit there and watch them clean their rooms or they don't do it. He did that this weekend and I was still picking up after them today. He only takes care of the baby when I tell him he should or he cries.
Restaurants just reopened in
Restaurants just reopened in my area..he just called for reservations for dinner but I had to tell him to do it. I can't deal with today.
Time to disconnect this kid
Time to disconnect this kid from all things electronic. For good. Special needs or not.... if he cannot handle real life when he is immersed in someone elses immagination, it is time to pull the plug.
We had to do this with my SS-28 and he is not nor has he ever been special needs. When he was ~11 we purged all computer and video games from our home. We never allowed them back in. It was not all that difficult as SS was an only child in our home. However, had we chosen to have more kids, he would not have been allowed access to computer or video games even if other kids in our home had access to them and could remain engaged in real life. Only kids that can handle it should have access to the idiot boxes that tend to disconnect them from reality. IMHO of course.
A parents responsibility is to raise their children to viable adulthood. If a kid will not engage, it is the parents responsibility to force them to 18 at which point they can finish growing up on their own time and their own dime. IMHO of course.
This includes special needs kids. There is help for these kids, these parents, and the families that have special needs young children or even adult aged children.
In my first career, I owned and operated a number of restaurants, I had several employees who were special needs and who lived in adut group homes that were supervised 24/7 and under the auspisous of the State.
One of my childhood BFFs is a ward of the State. To protect their own retirement resources his parents had to have him committed when he was in his early to mid 20s and ultimately made a ward of the State.
A colleague who became a friend of mine, and his wife, have an adult child who is on the Autism Spectrum and who they ultimately worked with the State to get him into a supervised adult group home. Their adult daughters will ultimately be the executors for older son's trust. Their "girls" know that their parent's resources will be held in trust for the care of their special needs brother for his entire life. Though his care, housing, therapy, supervision, health insurance, etc... will be provided by the State.
While I understand that the easy thing to do is let a screne "supervise" a kid. IMHO quality parents do not avoid raising their children to as high a level of performance the kid is capable off. Controlling screen time and fantasy time is a critical part of this IMHO.
Dump all of the games, screens, etc... this kid has access to. Put him in a diaper, and inform his father that he has to house train his spawn or he will have to clean up after him and everyone else in the home.
Do not tolerate anything less than success on this. Ever.
Congrats on the new baby.
Take care of you.
His mother would claim abuse
His mother would claim abuse if we went to the extreme on screen time or ever put him back in a diaper. I wish it were that easy.
It is that easy. She has no
It is that easy. She has no say in parenting in your home, or anything else in your home for that matter.
She has your DH's balls in her purse, and she has control of your testicular fortitude as well. If you do not make her manipulation so insanely unpleasant and painful that she would avoid the consequences at all costs, you are just abdicating your positions of authority to BM.
Time to call her bluff and adopt a zero tolerance for any BM manipulative crap. Drag her kicking and screaming into court any time she steps out of line. If your DH does not have a Custody/Visitation/Support order then kick him in the ass to get him into court for a CO ....... NOW!
Let her cry abuse for no video games for this game addicted kid. Let her cry abuse for putting a lazy and willfully incontenant kid in a diaper. Learn to make confronting her and delivering to her a state of abject misery your fondest hobby. Any time the kid wets himself, bag him in a giant garbage bag and drag him to a Doctor for an exam. Okay, for reasonableness sake, buy some Tyvek suites to zip him into when he soaks himself, then take him to the Doc. See how he likes that. Keep him in a diaper 24/7 including at school. His peers will fix this in a heartbeat. Public humilation is a great motivator for correcting these types of choices in kids.
BM has you and DH so intimidated that she is in control.
Fix that. NOW!
Good luck.
How old is the SKid by the
How old is the SKid by the way? That information may allow for more useful recommendations.
He's 13 and nonverbal with
He's 13 and nonverbal with downs and autism. He's not just your typical teen. He knows better but there are zero consequences for anything at his moms house. It took him until this year for her to get him to eat something other than pre packaged food and to get him potty trained. I had to start that at our house and she took that as me parenting her kids and did everything to out do us. She screams abuse whenever she can with him because he can't tell you either way.
Ouch.
The additional information certainly changes things. I think I would still shift him away from electronic based games and move to reading printed books then drawing scenes from the book. There are any number of book genres that would engage his mind to read, then engage him to communicate through drawing, painting, etc.... his vision of the books scenes which engages his imagination. You and his dad can sit with him to talk about the book, the art, and have him show you where in the book the scenes he draws are from. He may not talk, but engaging his brain and immagination may be huge for him and for you in developing con
Regarding putting him in a diaper.... there is not a Judge, CPS worker, child behavioralist, etc... on the planet that would say a word about puting an autistic, down syndrome, non communicative incontinante 13yo kid in a diaper if he is not controlling his bladder. Whether or not he is capable of controlling it. You and DH can shred BM if she makes the idiot move to make an official complaint of abuse for that crap.
Any plan to stop letting BM control the balls and testicular fortitude in this sad but toxic blended family dynamic? What has been done to confront her manipulative crap?
Duplicate
Duplicate