SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS OK!!!!

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So today, I got a Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail. Didn't open it, left it on the counter, and when I got home, it was gone. A couple of weeks ago, I had found 2 womens clothing catalogs in my boys bathroom. They both of course had women in bikinis, I took the catalogs out, and thought nothing of it. Well, when this one went missing too, I became suspicious. So, I went checking the bathroom again. What I found horrified me. I have a 14 and 2 12 yr old boys. The one 12 yr old is a step son. On the top shop, on top of a pillow, out of view, we found 5 pairs of my 16 yr old daughters underwear. I then found the missing Victoria Secret catalog in the top drawer of my 12 yr old step sons dresser buried in his clothes. I'm absolutely disguisted by this!!! I'm being told by his father, that this is perfectly normal behavior and after talking with him, found out he's masturbating to her underwear. This is not his biological sister. We have had problems with before looking at porn when he was only 11, then he got caught skyping a young girl and had her take her clothes off, now this. To me, this seems to be hypersexual behavior, and I personally am not comfortable with ignoring it, and chalking it up to him being a 12 yr old boy. My other 2 sons do not, and have not, done this, nor have I heard of anyone else's sons stealing panties. I feel like my daughter has been violated, and honestly, I'm concerned with my 5 year old daughter. His behaviors seem to be escalating, and at this point, I'm ready to ask my bf and his children to move out.
So, is this normal behavior or is it something I should be concerned with in your opinion?? Please help me!!!

Ugh. I have all girls. Thank

Ugh. I have all girls. Thank gosh. I'd be concerned, too.

I think girls are more work.

I think girls are more work. We have 8 children, 3 girls-they are very dramatic, emotional, etc. But the boys, obviously, have their issues too.

Yes, he did have the

Yes, he did have the talk-just last summer in fact, when we found out that he was stealing his moms phone on a daily basis to look at porn. It became out of control, which is then when he was also caught skyping the little girl. I will be calling on Monday to make an appt with his psych. Hopefully she can give me some insight.

Follow your gut and do what

Follow your gut and do what you need to do to protect your girls. Better safe than sorry. Even though that is not his biological sister, he should not be stealing, and masturbating, to her underwear.

I think it is hypersexual, as

I think it is hypersexual, as you say. I would not leave my 6 year old with him, even if the other siblings were in the house, too. He already has a fetish-that's what it sounds like to me. I doubt that's normal 12 year old boy behavior. I would call his doctor. There may be something "off" with him that a little medication could fix. I would also check to make sure that there is no way he has fixed the house to where he could see into your older (or younger) daughter's room. What if your underwear is next? Yikes. Yeah, I would make an appointment, and if Dh disagrees, make him an appointment, too.

Now that I gotten to sleep on

Now that I gotten to sleep on it, I wake up and realize, no this is not normal behavior. I think last night I had his father telling me it was, but now that I'm thinking about it, it's not, and it's not ok. If he were an adult man, this would not be ok, but for some reason, because he's 12, his dad thinks its normal.

He is on medication already,

He is on medication already, and sees a psychologist on a regular basis, so he already has a history of behaviors, but this...I'm not so sure I can just look past it. It scares me, it sickens me, and I know my daughter is never, ever, going to let him live it down, which she only knows because I called and asked her if she was keeping her panties in the boys closet for some reason. I'm just...ugh, frustrated right now.

Yes, actually I did ask her

Yes, actually I did ask her for a reason, I thought maybe she was putting them away, or hiding them. She has hidden her underwear before because of her periods, etc, so the boys did not see them. I called her at his fathers instructions to rule out the possibility before accusing anyone of anything that I shouldn't be accusing them of. As of right now, all she knows is that her panties were in the closet, since she isn't home, and has no idea who took them. But she's not stupid, and I'm sure she will figure it out since we have had issues in the past with him, which is what I meant. So please don't assume I'm "shaming" him as a payback. What kind of a person do you think I am? What kind of person would do that? And no, I don't know if this is normal, and I was hoping maybe someone who has teenage boys might be able to provide some insight as to what their sons may or may not have done. I'm also the only one who takes him to his appts, I'm also the only one who attends his PT conferences, I am the only one who talks to his teachers and watches his grades, helps him with his homework, etc. Maybe if his father was more involved, or even his biological mother, this wouldn't have happened. So I assure you, no one is being "ridiculed" as we have handled it discreetly, talked with all the boys privately, and did not make this one big laughing rodeo at the expense of my step son.

Ok, I have to be honest...As

Ok, I have to be honest...As serious as this is in my mind, the phrase "floggin the log," well, it had me laughing. Never heard that term before, so thank you snickersgal, I managed to find a little humor out of all this.

My SS stole HIS MOTHER'S

My SS stole HIS MOTHER'S panties to jack off to... so my measure for "normal" may be off.

VS catalog = normal.
Stepsister/non bio panties = eh. Skeeves me out, but not totally abnormal.

I told DH that at least they

I told DH that at least they weren't mine. But his own mothers-did you ever find out why? I'm trying to understand why he took panties?? I just don't get it!

WHY?!?! LOL. We knew WHY.

WHY?!?! LOL.
We knew WHY. That's what made it sick.
To be honest, though, my SS has slightly deviant sexual tendencies. When DH and BM were getting divorced, SD decided she wasn't getting enough attention. So, she accused her brother of "stuff" from many years prior.
Big investigation. It wasn't completely unfounded.
Sick.
But I think that whole family is a little whacked out sexually... honestly...
When DH and I married, my new MIL accused DH of putting his children in harm's way because by living with me, my kids could accuse his kids of molesting them. :?

DH swears to me after his

DH swears to me after his talk with him that there is no attraction to my DD, it just happened to be her panties, cause the only options in our house were my "granny panties" as DH lovelingly calls them, my 5 yrs old little girl panties, or my 16 yr old young lady panties-I'd be more freaked out if it were my 5 yrs olds, or worse yet, BOXERS!!! Like I said, I'm really struggling with this right now because if he were 10yrs older doing this, it would be no question as to whether this was normal or not-so I guess that answers my own question.

We have a panty bandit in our

We have a panty bandit in our family, my sister's H, but he WEARS the panties he steals. Needless to say, we stay far, far away from him since we found this info out. (He was stealing DD20's panties) With 5 teen girls, I am not taking any chances.

EWW!This is my fear-that he's

EWW!This is my fear-that he's 12 now, but when he's older, the problem will continue. When DH was telling me this was normal and there's nothing wrong with it (we were not exactly getting along at the time) I told him fine, if its so normal, I'll go buy him his own package of underwear, get him a stash of catalogs so he won't have to steal anymore! But I know its not normal.

The catalog ... normal. I

The catalog ... normal. I remember the ladies underwear section in the Sears catalog at the age of your boy and SS. Those models were the precurser to today's Vickies super models.

The panties .... I would not call that normal. That ... is stealing and were I you and your DH I would be all over that like stink on rancid garbage.

Time to roll out the facts and the accountability even if it is to do a bit of semi-public ass baring embarrassement. He takes the panties to your 16yo daughter in the living room in front of his dad, you and your other children. He appologizes, he gets his ass spanked (privately) and he is grounded. No TV, no video games, no nothing but writing sentences.

I will not take my sister's panties, I will not steal from anyone and I will respect the property and space of other people.

10,000 or so times. All in perfect handwriting. When he is not in school he is writing sentences. He gets 30 mins for meals and he gets 5 mins every two hours for bathroom breaks. One messy sentence he resets the count. He must write 160 or so sentences an hour. Miss the quota for one hour, the count resets to zero. We tried many types of accountability based discipline with my SS-20 when he was younger. Sentences was the only thing that got his attention. The message that is written focuses the kid on the infraction, the strict quality and quantity requirements keeps the kid focused on the consequences of the action.

He violated your daughter's privacy and the trust of the family and he should be provided with absolute clarity on why this is not acceptable and he should feel the complete accountability for his actions. Pencils, paper and accountability. Works well. At least in my experience.

IMHO of course.

Sincerely,

I didn't talk to him. After I

I didn't talk to him. After I found the catalog in his drawer, I called his father in to his room, SS was not in the room while I was looking, and after I showed him, he called SS into the room, and I left. I was never alone with him during any of the conversations, nor was I present during the conversation that took place between his father and himself. I did talk to my 14 yr old and 12 yr old in private, however.

Please re read my post, line

Please re read my post, line 5, about the middle of the paragraph-it states that his father talked to him-not myself.

i understand that it is

i understand that it is disturbing because no one wants their son to do that. i will be horrified when it is bs5, i'm sure. i do think it's normal, though. i have a guy friend that was my friend with benefits when we were both in our early 20's. i couldn't find my underwear one morning, so i left without them. he told me he found them, but he never gave them back and i didn't ask for them. he told me just last year that he kept them for 2 years and that they were his "spank bank", meaning he used them to masturbate to.