I know this probably isn't the place for this and I'm not really looking for advice, I just need somewhere to go with my thoughts...

Starting 2 days, my days have just been complete hell. My son, who is 14, was playing on his xbox, minding his own business, in his room. My bf, who has been with me for 8 years now, goes into his room and asks him if he'll play COD with him online. My son says, no, he doesn't really want to play that right now. My BF gets angry at him and tells him he needs to get all this s**t out of his room, along with some other choice swear words and then comes out. I was sitting at the table eating, had no idea what was going on, when the BF comes and sits down. He then yells for my son to get out here. My son comes out, he's been crying, and he looks at me and says mom, I'm not listening to him, he's being a jerk. Of course, still not knowing what the heck is going on, I turn and look at the BF, who's winking at me, like this is all a big joke, and he tells my son, I told you, get all the s**t out of your room. So I ask whats going on and they tell me. My son didn't want to play a video game and my BF was punishing him (but says he was just joking around) by making him take all his stuff out of his room. He kept baiting my son until he made him angry, and then sends him to his room, crying. I of course am not happy about this, and I tell him that. He says to me, I was just screwing around with him but now he needs to apologize to me for disrespecting me. I looked at him and told him, you were setting him up to fail all along, and when he did exactly what you were trying to get him to do, now you want to punish him and that's not fair. Well, he got his "apology", then told my son he needs to "man up."

Now my BF has an issue with getting to work on time, calls in sick alot, is never ever on time, and is always finding an excuse to leave early. His uncle used to be his boss, but because of his missing work so much and being late, his uncle decided to no longer be his boss because he was concerned about losing his own job for letting so much slide with my BF. My BF did pretty good for awhile, going to work on time, etc, after learning all this, but lately, he's slipping again. I don't remember the last time he went to work on time, it's usually not much, like 15 minutes or so, but it's everyday.

So this morning, I'm watching a couple of kids, to make a little extra money since it's kind of a tight month for us, and had to get up early. I also chaperoned a high school dance last night and it was almost 1 before I got to bed, and the BF was already in bed sleeping. Last night, my SS asked his dad if he was going to go to his football game today, and my BF said no, he can't because he had to work (he works 8 to noon every other saturday). My SS said OK and that was the end of it. So this morning, his alarm goes off, I'm already up with the 2 kids that came this morning, and my BF tells me, Oh, I'm not going to work, I'm calling in to tell them I'm going to the football game, and goes back to bed. If that was truly the case, and it wasn't just because he wanted to sleep like he always does, then why not call last night. I got mad, told him I'm trying to make extra money to help us out, and you skip out on work because you want to sleep. He told me it was my choice, so I shouldn't be complaining. Out of all this, I never swore or called him a name, in fact, I walked away. He calls me back into the bedroom where he proceeds to tell me that I must be satan because I have no emotions and that I'm heartless. I said I guess I must be, and go back to making the kids breakfast. Then he walks over, takes the paycheck laying on the table that needs to be put in the bank to cover the mortgage, and says, "lets see how heartless I can be" and puts it into his pocket. I say nothing and start getting all the kids ready to go for the football game. He takes my SS in his truck and I take all the rest (7 kids in total) in mine. When I get there, I take all the kids to the playground, but not before he stops me and says "you really are heartless aren't you" to once again, I do not reply, and take the kids to the playground where I stay with them. After about an hour, he comes up to me and says "are you done with your attitude yet" and I say "what attitude? I'm over here playing with the kids." This goes on for awhile and then he starts telling me I'm a cold heartless B***H, I'm a F**king B***H, and I counted them, it was 7 times within 10 minutes. I said, do you realize you've called me this how many times now, and he says yeah, I know, but you opened the can so now I'm going to keep going because you don't care, you have no emotions, etc. And then he told me, "you need to apologize to me!" And as far as this no emotions things go, yesterday, I came up to him to give him a hug and kiss and he was watching tv and he pushed me away and said "do you have to do this now, I'm trying to watch something!" and I left him alone.

Now, he apologized after, said he didn't mean anything by it, he was just trying to get a reaction from me, which I was not going to break down and cry in the middle of a playground with my children. I usually do, and I usually apologize for the way I act, because after all the fighting, I do realize what a B***H I am being, which I honestly don't try to be.

I just don't know how to fix this anymore...I've tried to be a better person, for myself, my BF, my kids, but I never seem to make any headway. So, if you've read it to this point, thank you for listening, and I'm sorry to be such a pest.