Stepkids molesting/inappropriately touching your other kids.
Forums:
I know this is a very taboo subject but I need some insight on this matter. This happened end of June/beginning of July this year. I have a blog that discusses it a little more but was wondering if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation.
My BD4 came and told me that my SS12 "pulled his pants down and rubbed his weenie on me". I confronted him and he admitted it. I called my DH at work and told him he better get his kid and take him to his mothers NOW. His mother refused to get him counseling. I feel like for him to do something like that he must have had something done to him, or he's just a sick perv. I have had no contact with SS since this and don't intend to.
Has anyone else had something like this happen? How did you handle it?
In answer to your question,
:jawdrop:
In answer to your question, while sexual abuse is often an indicator that the prepetrator has also been abused, sometimes they're just perverts.
Not that it matters, IMO. It's just.not.ok.
Mom says "he's just immature
Mom says "he's just immature for his age" and didn't know any better. I think she's in denial.
I know you'll scream bloody
I know you'll scream bloody murder but this has to be said also: Sometimes its just normal curiosity but only with the passage of time and the lack of further incidents can a determination be made.
Obviously he can't be allowed near other children but if this is a one-off thing then the BM is right in not making him out to be a pervert in need of counseling. Only she knows if its happened before or since.
Oh geez, Um, no. Twelve year
Oh geez,
Um, no. Twelve year olds aren't curious anymore. At twelve they've usually had sex ed at least, the vast majority have "played doctor" at a much younger age, and about 5% of them are outright sexually active.
Sorry, but a 12 y.o. acting out sexually towards a 4 y.o. is a predator.
^^^^this
^^^^this
This subject has been brought
This subject has been brought up before on this board, and my stance is the same. It would very likely mean the end of my marriage because I would involve the authorities (DHS/CPS, police) to make sure the predator was in the system. This would accomplish two things:
1) Give him a record in case there is a repeat occurance.
2) Ensure that he gets help.
Authorities were notified.
Authorities were notified. They said he can't be charged with anything because he's only 12 and there was no penetration. If he had been 13 they said they could have charged him. They turned it over to CPS. I don't know whats going on with the case though, BM changed her number and doesn't talk to us anymore.
I would have been out the
I would have been out the door as soon as SS admitted to doing it.
I'm not going to leave my
I'm not going to leave my house. I made him leave and he hasn't been back.
showing body parts to each
showing body parts to each other is a normal curiosity
A 12 year old showing a 4 year old his body parts is normal??? Maybe a 4 year old and a 5 year old, but 12 seems a bit old.
Not normal at all. I see my
Not normal at all. I see my SD13 as a threat to my bios and she is not allowed around them without me present. If she had done something like THIS to one of them, I would not feel comfortable forcing my bios to be around her at all...that would be too traumatic and uncomfortable for the child that was abused.
We did have an incident where I suspected my SD, around 11 at the time, inappropriately touched my BD (about 2 at the time). But I am not sure what happened. SD came and told me she changed BD's diaper which was extremely strange, and then BD said her bottom hurt. I couldn't get anything else out of BD or SD. I still wonder what actually happened. BD would say her bottom hurt when she was constipated so it could have been nothing, but I have a feeling something happened.
My late husband grew up in a
My late husband grew up in a home where his parents were consumed with themselves. They were a blended family...2 boys (brothers) and 2 girls (sisters)...like the brady bunch. My husbands uncle who was probably 13 and his older brother who was maybe 10 tied up his oldest step sister also 10 and raped her repeatedly. He was 7 and hid with his stepsister also 7 to keep her safe.
A few years later the SM caught my brother in law on top of her daughter who was then 11 or 12...They put him out and sent him to his mothers. They had previously been to family counseling and the counselor told them to get him out of the house, but they didn't listen. This same boy force fed my husband acid when he was 11.
Needless to say, they brought the boy back in the house as a teenager and forbit the daughter to dress provocatively, got from the bath to her bedroom in a towel, etc. Made it out like it was her fault.
During a brief discussion about all this with my in-laws they said thiskind of thing just happens between siblyings...I sat there like "WTF NO IT DOESN'T".
So here's how it's turned out...my husband is dead from alcoholism at 33, his oldest step sister is a lesbian and hates men, his other step sister tried to commit suicide twice and is a basket case who only dates troubled men and thinks everything is her fault. The oldest son, the molester...he plays halflife constantly and is into internet sex...he's molested and abused several other women, he's still a narcissistic ass and I hope he rots.
All the parents ever said was, "we were working, what were we supposed to do, we didn't know, it's not our fault." My husband was the best of the bunch, but all of the kids were messed up and have had drug and alcohol issues. mental health issues, etc. A week before he died he told me he thought it was his fault his parents got divorced because before his Mom left his Dad had sodomized him (he was 3) and he thought he caused the divorce...was it the ramblings of a drunk or was it true. I'll never know, but I'll bet it was. His parents refused to help with an intervention, it was like they wanted to see him fail, actually to see all of them fail.
This is incredibly
This is incredibly heartbreaking. I can't even fathom that level of curruptness in a family.
OP- This is not normal behavior for a 12 year old. I am so proud of your BD4 for stepping up and telling you1 What a smart little one she is! You did the right thing, and I woudl say to stand your ground. The boy needs to talk to a professional, no doubt about it.
I am very proud of her as
I am very proud of her as well. I've always talked to her about inappropriate touch and telling an adult. It makes me sick to think about how much further this could have gone if she hadn't told me immediately. It scares me though because she loved her brother and doesn't understand this. She says "I can't see my brother because of the bad thing he did to me". If there were to be something like this EVER happen again (obviously you can never tell, I would have never thought her brother would do that), would she tell me? Or would she be afraid that I would send that person away too?
Maybe you can tell her that
Maybe you can tell her that what brother did was wrong, and he had to go so he can get the help he needs to make him stop doing the bad things. She seems smart and compassionate, maybe that will instill in her that people like that need help and she needs to make sure she tells someone so they can get help....
I know someone who had a few
I know someone who had a few older kids force her and a young boy to do things the older ones found pictures of in a adult magazine.
It is really prevalent and it is not ok...at all! BOOOOO to the BM who decided to deal with it by ignoring it!
Yes, BD is DHs. I told him
Yes, BD is DHs. I told him that if he want his son for the weekend every once in a while, me and my kids would go to my parents. Or he could pick him up and do something with him then take him back to his moms. He agreed with that, however BM hasn't spoken to us since. CPS was notified by the police. A social worker called and spoke with my DH ONE time. There are other issues in her home as well and they wanted to know if we would take this kids (SD15,SD13,SS12). I said hell no. If that's what he wanted he would have to leave. I never thought I'd put him in the situation to choose between me and our kids or his other children, but I just can't let them into my home. SD15 is pregnant (although we didn't know that at the time), and SD13 is a mess as well. I'm fully aware that I knew he had kids when I met him, but this is a whole different ballgame. No way did I sign up for this shit.
Just keep SS away from BD. No
Just keep SS away from BD. No matter what the cost.