Ok I decided to take a step back and use that moment to realize how blessed we are. My husband and I get to keep his 3 kids every other weekend, alternating holidays, and most of the summer. Not nearly enough time, but we use the time we have and make the most of it. No, we don't have some wonderful TV fairytale relationship with his ex, the BM. However, we DO get to see the kids, spend time with them and while things aren't always perfect, we are blessed to have 3 kids who love us and who want to spend time with us.

BM may not like not having the control when they are here, but that is something DH and I can deal with. She likes to talk to me because he doesn't want to deal with her bull. No I don't like hearing about it, but you know what? I will sit there and I will read her messages and respond kindly, firmly and always in a manner that isn't going to come back and bite us later on. No I don't like the way she uses the kids to hurt my husband, but you know what? The kids still love us and they know we love them. Isn't that the main thing? I don't let them see her negativity when they are here.

I know she says a great deal to them about us when they are with her and on her phone calls when they are here, however the only thing I know to do is just tell them I love them, their dad loves them and we love every single second they are here and we miss them when they are gone, but that we are glad that they get to spend to much time with their mom and stepdad.

Maybe thats overboard, I'm not sure. For us it seems to work. The kids may hear negativity from one side, but from the other we don't respond in kind. I am blessed with a husband who trusts me to watch his children, to speak to his ex and to know that no matter how she tries to push my buttons I will always put the kid's interest first. I always respond in a manner that conveys that BD and I love the kids, they are safe with us and we know she misses them and they are avaialble for her to speak too.

Basically I love my husband to the extent that I will put up with a negative ex and love his children like they were my own. He knows he can count on me, period. I have my moments of venting and insecurity, but they are always something he and I talk about and they are never conveyed to the ex or in front of the kids.

So remember times are tough and people can be hurtful. However, maybe its because they don't like letting go or don't understand how to use their emotions in a positive way. We can't just "fix" them and it doesn't help anything to use their negativity as an excuse to be negative ourselves. Especially when it is detrimental to the relationship with our husbands and kids.