Is there hope? Do I throw it all away?
Hi, I have posted before but I am particularly interested in hearing from people who have non bio kids of their own. Some on here have considered me in a good position as my SD doesn't live with us so I don't have to deal with a lot of the crap that some others on here do etc.
she does however only live down the road from us so I don't see it that way as much - I would love a bit more distance.
I had rather naively believed things would be better once she was all grown up and living her own life but nothing could be further from the truth. It's been a nightmare since the first grandchild came and now they're planning the wedding and expecting OH to basically pay for it (I've summarised this in my previous post). We nearly had children of our own but after suffering a late miscarriage (which was rather traumatic). We never tried again - don't think OH wanted to anyway. (No other family members know about this as we had not told them). I feel some degree of resentment over this as I feel (rightly or wrongly) that I've given up my chance of motherhood to be with my 'older' partner.
I just can't get away from the feeling that it's never going to be about 'us'. He has no plans or savings for his retirement and I've told him if he borrows money for this stupid wedding then I'm done. I don't think he believes me though.
I really want to believe I can be ok on my own and then I won't have to live with this negativity underpinning everything but to be honest I am scared to go it alone and feel like at 42 I'm past it and have missed my chance for happiness ☹️.
I met DH when I was 44, we
I met DH when I was 44, we got married at 47. 42 is young, you have lots of time. Happiness doesn't have to include a man, though.
OK, so I've read your post
OK, so I've read your post twice and I have a question for you - what exactly do you think you're throwing away? It seems to me that all you're throwing away is the opportunity to be the provider for a guy who hasn't prepared for his retirement and will be eternally broke and also to experience the rest of your existance via him, his daughter, her kids, etc. Doesn't sound like much fun to me.
Why let a millstone drag you down when you can be FREE?!
Succintly said! Wow, so good
Succintly said! Wow, so good.
42 is young and honestly what
42 is young and honestly what's bringing you joy in this marriage? Personally I would rather be alone and happy, than married and miserable.
My DH died when I was 43. It
My DH died when I was 43. It took me about a year but then I was ready to take on the world and conquer. You have a different approach with all of the knowledge of your years behind you.
It is scary as we are raised beliving that you can accomplish nothing after 40. Bull, you've many good years ahead of you and will find a man and maybe have a baby or adopt one.
My life got much better when
My life got much better when I let go of hope, and started dealing only in facts.
Hope is an avoidance behavior. It keeps you stuck by offering an excuse to drift along, not doing anything about the dysfunction. It gives your power away by making your happiness dependent on the behavior of others. And it creates a dreamy mist that conceals unpleasant truths.
You need to put down the hope pipe, engage, and start managing your life.
Give up the hopium
Your man is no unicorn he is a jacka$$ in disguise, especially if he pays for SD's wedding.
My friend divorced at 42 and
My friend divorced at 42 and met her future husband #2. She married him and got pregnant at 44. She had her first child at 44, her second at 46. She is 55 now and loves being a mom. It's never too late. You still have a chance at motherhood if that's what you want. You won't have that chance if you stay. I would leave and take that chance if it were me. I would also leave due to my older irresonsible DH not planning wisely for retirement. There's no way in hell I'd fund my man's retirement and enable his blowing all of his money on some other broad's adult kids.
I became a widow at 27 and
I became a widow at 27 and never thought i would ever get through life happily again ,, i met another man years on and had a really happy relationship until his youngest child came to live with us on week on week off . At 37 I Moved away from that relationship so scared of being alone and scared that i didnt know what to do with my life, but 12months down the track with lots of love and care for myself , im beginning to be happy and find my path again. Dont settle for the situation your are in ,, 42 is sooo young and the world is your oyster,, only if you make the right choices ,, dont stay stuck where you are
You are in the prime of life.
You are in the prime of life. Keep your foot up DH's ass and if he pays for the wedding, start your new life adventure with him and his baggage fading into your past.
Take care of you.
I agree with everyone above
I agree with everyone above even if I'm too cowardly to do it myself (My circumstances are admittedly more complex, although maybe that's my excuse. Wink). You're young enough to have children that you desire so much. Please leave him and raise your chances of your ultimate dream. Being in your 40's is perfect! Wiser and still able to do anything.
Life does not end at 40!
DH and I eloped and married at 50-ish. Im too old for kiddos, but DH is last of #13 and she was in her 40's when she had him,
Dont stay with this guy - he is not worth the heartbreak you will have to endure over this SD of his that he enables. Especially if he is planning on paying for a wedding that he will not be able to afford and then you will be stuck supporting him!
This old coot wants a better life for you!