You are here

Unbiased opinions please!

Big1little1's picture

My skids BM has invited my fiance to go to the football with her and their twin skids in a couple of weeks. She has 1 spare ticket for him. She said I was welcome to come also, but I'd need to buy a ticket. I wouldn't be able to go because we have a 22 month old daughter and I don't think that she is quite old enough yet - she won't sit still and there's nowhere for her to run. That combined with drunk people.. I don't wanna risk it. And to be honest, I don't particularly wanna hang out with her!

But I feel funny about all this. I personally don't think it's appropriate for him to hang out with her. If we were taking skids it would be fine, but he wants to go because he knows it will make the kids happy. I don't want him to go, and I know if the tables were turned he wouldn't be happy about me going somewhere with my ex.

So, am I just being silly? Is it perfectly acceptable that he goes?

Thanks

knucklehead's picture

I honestly wouldn't mind. The parents seem to be able to get along, so this way they can both enjoy a "special" outing with the kids. I think it speaks volumes that she invited you as well.

Take the day with DD...go to the park, get a plaster cast from a craft store and get her hand (or foot) prints done, etc.

DeeDeeTX's picture

It depends. If BM is a sane, lovely woman, and the kids don't constantly have fantasies of their parents getting back together, it's fine.

If BM is a golden uterus with boundary issues, and the kids secretly want BM and DH to get back together, then no, DH should not go.

I know for us, the SKs thought for years DH and BM were getting back together, so any positive interactions just set them up for more disappointment. It was bad.

Elizabeth's picture

I can't be unbiased here because, thank GOD, DH has absolutely NO good feelings toward BM. He can't stand the woman and can't stand to be in the same room with her. So if he went, I know it would only be for SD and he wouldn't give a second thought to BM. So I would be fine with him doing it.

ThatGirl's picture

He should let her take the skids and find a friend for the extra ticket. I see no reason why they should take the kids to the game together.

MoreWorkThanPlanned's picture

FWIW - It would make me uncomfortable.

The skids don't need him there/don't need to be doing things like this just with mom and dad to grow up healthy and, in fact, it could confuse them. She can ask a friend, family member, or her own significant other. You, your husband, and your skids can go to other football games - this does not sound like a once in a life time opportunity.

My husband used to see or do favors for BM for the sake of the skids. I ended up feeling marginalized and like my husband had two wives. Skids and BM only ended up expecting it more and, as they did, it only became harder for my husband to accommodate their wishes and find time for us. And I think it reinforced the skids idea of me as an interloper. So me and my husband ended up stressed for very little benefit to skids if any (although BM always seemed to benefit by having his company, advice, handy work around the house, money, etc.). When my husband realized the strain it was putting on us, he eventually stopped. Miraculously, the world did not end and in hindsight both my husband and I wish we had set better boundaries with BM from begining.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Well, I'm biased. No. That's silly. Why would they all hang out together like the old days as one happy family? I wouldn't like it.

luchay's picture

I wouldn't like it either, and while she "appears" to have done the right thing and invited you as well - she knows damn well "you'll have to buy your own ticket"??? Please! And she knows you have a little one.

No - she doesn't want you there, she knew going in you wouldn't buy a ticket and take your child their, she was safe to make the offer and "look good" all the while leaving you out in reality.

NO he should not go. As others have said it's setting the kids up for disappointment - they WILL see it as a family outing.

herewegoagain's picture

Ridiculous. If she really wanted to be nice, she might have purchased an extra ticket for you. Nope. This is not right. Sorry, the kids no longer have parents who are married. If they were both single, that might not be a huge issue, but if one is married/dating, that is out of line.

twopines's picture

My DH would rather eat glass than be anywhere BM is. If it will truly "make the kids happy" to be with him at a football game, my DH would just take them himself without inviting the BM along.

janeyc's picture

Just a thought but won't seeing BM BD together give the skids false hope? My fdh would not do anything like that, I think it would be best if your fiance didn't do that again.