I don't know what to do..
Hi
I'm new here. I stumbled across this while desperately looking for answers online.
I have a 19 month old daughter with my fiance. He has 12 year old identical twin daughters from a previous marriage. We've been together for just over 4 years, and our blended family has never really worked, but now it's at a point where we are talking about separating becuase of the twins.
They only come and visit us about once a month, but we have them for 2 weeks during the school holidays. These kids are so rude: they don't say hello when they walk into my house, they spend their time sitting on the lounge with their head stuck in their computers - there is no social interaction and they DON'T TALK!! They have no manners - when asked to set the table or help wash up they tell us "but we don't do that at home". They resent my 19 month old, who is a very loving little girl and runs up to them and tries to kiss them (because she loves kissing everyone!!) only to be COMPLETELY IGNORED. You can imagine how angry it makes me. My fiance is not hard enough on them because he supposedly doesn't see them enough and doesn't want to upset them by telling them to use their manners. They never say please or thankyou, they backchat, they show no respect to anyone.. and the list goes on! Their mother buys them everything and takes them everywhere on holidays, and consequently they are very materialistic and money hungry. My fiance and I have a fairly new mortgage and we are only one one wage because I'm a full time stay at home mum and I study full time from home. We don't eat out every day like they're used to and we don't go out throwing money away on rubbish because we simply can't afford it.
Their mother is trouble and calls my fiance just to abuse him over nothing in particular. She has tried to run him over with her car in the past and is really just a psycho.
I really don't know what I can do to change the situation, but I don't want to separate because I don't want my daughter to suffer just because his twins are so ridiculous 
Any advice would be much appreciated.
If he wants to break up
If he wants to break up another family by refusing to be a parent, so be it. Ask him if that is his intention??
It is a shame there are two of them so close together, you know they egg each other on.
Maybe you could suggest they come more often, but separately?? It can't be healthy for them to be so dependent on each other.
Spoiled= check Brats =
Spoiled= check
Brats = check
Teen girls= check
Guilty dad = check
disney BM= check
Oh my you have it all don't you. I would be happy to have skids ignore my bio because then I don't have to worry about their horrible behaviors rubbing off on your bio.
When they visit, you should probably pretend they aren't even there. The way I see it, if i don't interact with you, you can't do anything to me. I'm ecstatic when SD just leaves me alone and doesn't try to talk to me. Hell, when she's here (ss and I still do okay for now) and she's with her dad, I stay away from dad too. I can't even watch how they interact together. It just makes me mad, so I do other things. Maybe find other things to do and don't bother with them.
Maybe I should read all the
Maybe I should read all the prevois comments before I reply... i don't know. Just reading this " I can't even watch how they interact together. It just makes me mad, so I do other things" I have to reply.
I can understand that. I really can. I have a step son and at times I get the same way when he's around his dad. But I've been thinking about it. A big part of it is jealousy. Not feeling like the sole love of his life. But I try to realize that the love he has for his kids is different and not any part of the love he has for me. I have to be happy for him that he has these relationships with his kids. If he was a jerk to his kids, would it bring a tinge of pleasure to me? probably. But that's awful. That means that i hate a child and am jealous of the child. That's not fair. To feel that way is childish in itself and if I can't over come it then how much do I really love this man? If I can't be happy for him, that he has this relationship with his kids. If I can't try to be part of HIS life and THEIR life, then I don't belong with them. They were here first. So I struggle. I try to see the good in these kids. I try to remember that if they feel half the resentment I do, no wonder they act the way they do. I have noticed that when I show love and kindness it's not always for nothing. Sometimes I get a little kindness back. Each time that happens, things get a tiny bit better. If I can keep that up for long enough then I hope that we will develop some sort of relationship that is good and not based on hate and jealousy. This is me trying to be the adult. Trying to love my husband the way I promised to and not wish bad things upon him. If he was a jerk to his kid, then he would be a jerk to me and he wouldn't be the man I married. I have to see beyond my own childish feelings and remember that I love him and we are going to have a happy family... even if I have to be the one to act kind first. And if I don't mean it, that's ok, I can fake it. Because it's like when are mad and you put a smile on your face and smile at people around you, they smile back and your mood improves. It's just like that only on a bigger scale.
Plus both of them are evil.
Plus both of them are evil. Now I've heard of the good twin/bad twin thing before but never bad/bad. Okay that was a joke, I feel badly for you though, you are hit doubly as hard with not one but TWO children that are disrespectful, ignorant and rude. SO use to think the same way, that he HAD to let them away with it because he didn't see them as much as he wanted to but he quickly realized it wouldn't change or solve their behavior. They are still out of control but I think their issues lay deeper. Your DH has to put his foot down, they may not appreciate it now but they will in the end. Kids need stability, responsibility and boundaries. Sounds like BM gives them none and DH is just too scared to, he needs to get over that and nip this in the bud fast!
Don't be there when they are
Don't be there when they are there...Make a trip somewhere else with your daughter. You don't have to be treated that way. I went to the gym a lot when things were bad...Just find excuses not to be there. He will get it eventually and step up to being a dad and not a disney dad...
yeah, Jsmom has a good
yeah, Jsmom has a good idea....avoid them whenever possible. When my DH's kid lived with us, I NEVER wanted to leave work and dreaded the weekends. That, my friend, is no way to live!
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your answers and advice. most evil - I love the idea of having them separately, however their mother is a tramp and needs to send them both at once so she can go have her little sex romp weekends.
I'd love to be able to take my duaghter out, but my fiance always tells me then that I never make the effort with his kids. I'm over the damn effort - I'm so sick of trying when they're just horible, social retards. Honest to god if they were my kids I'd flog both of them.
You are lucky they don't talk
You are lucky they don't talk to you. Stick them in a study or bedroom away from the rest of the living areas and feed them in there too. I would not leave my house for any stepkid though I think that just encourages them. If you leave they would be happy they ran you off. However, I would encourage dad to take the older girls out for the day, week, year, lifetime whatever makes you happy.
^^^^^^^^ THIS...THIS...and
^^^^^^^^
THIS...THIS...and more THIS!!!!!