Update...oh boy..
So, I wrote here I think 2 weeks ago about my SS15 who stole my iPod only to sell it. Well as it turns out, he's now in a juvenile detention center for another crime more serious than petty theft. I did try to file a report for the stolen iPod but since I did not witness him taking it, he cannot be charged. His father and I came up with the conclusion to go to the precinct to file the report as a consequence for him. Now, as if chance would have it, he's serving time in the detention center for attempted murder & possession of a weapon. Yes, very serious. He's being held on a $100,000 bail. His father is distraught but me personally, could'nt have been happier. Sounds mean but his behind was slowly destructing the happy home my fiance & I once had. Now, his father wants me to go with him to visit him and I'm so adamant in NOT going. The boy has NO RESPECT for me whatsoever and I have no desire in seeing him, at least after him stealing something of mine and blatantly selling it for his own profit. I don't know..I've been through a lot with my fiance due to his juvenile delinquent, but am I wrong for not wanting to visit him??
Petty theft to attempted
Petty theft to attempted murder? Thats one big ass jump, or drop depending which way you look at it.
Just :jawdrop: hes 15?! WTF
No I dont think you are wrong for not wanting to visit him, if he doesnt have respect for you and he has stolen from you why on earth would your fiance want you to go with him? I mean by all means support your fiance as its bound to take a while to sink in that actually this isnt just a teenager acting out who will grow out of it, this is attempted murder and this is serious, incredibly serious and hes really going to need to do something drastic to turn this train wreck around.
The kid probably wouldnt say a damn thing with you there too but maybe in some twisted attention seeking way he might start talking to his dad if he gets some one-to-one visitation whilst in juvi. Probably not but its worth a shot.
Clearly there is something majorily wrong here and frankly its not your job to fix it, this kids parents need to be handling this, like yesterday
Trust me yes, this is one
Trust me yes, this is one huge leap but not expected. His father told me he wanted his uncles, aunts, sister & brothers to visit him and I'm like okay, whatever but then he said "He wants you to come too"
My facial expression could've stop traffic when I heard that. It just seems as if his father wants me to be that replacement mom so bad and it's a bit delusional IMO...but yeah, that criminal isn't getting a visit from me!!
Gee, let me think. I am the
Gee, let me think. I am the victim of a crime and suddenly I want to go visit the perpetrator in basically jail to make Him feel better because he got arrested for an even worse crime. Um, yea, you're soooo wrong for not wanting to see him.
Of course you aren't wrong honey. He's not your kid. I could understand that your partner might want you there to support him, but the expectation that you'd actually have a desire to see this child is super unrealistic. I know there are parents that will never believe their kid is responsible for their actions etc, but the charge is attempted murder and you Aren't his parent. You don't seem to think there's any possibility of him being innocent either so yeah, I'd want No part of that.
Sorry I LOL'd so hard from
Sorry I LOL'd so hard from your first paragraph! But yes, thank you for making me see I'm not crazy for thinking that way. His own mother isn't even making an attempt in coming to visit him in there either, but that's neither here or there I guess. His father seemed so hurt going through all this especially with him having a high bail, but funny, I didn't see him this disappointed when SS15 stole my ipod, hmm.
Why don't you go with him and
Why don't you go with him and wait in the car and go out to lunch with DH after? "I want to support you, but I think my being there while you talk will add tension to an already incredibly difficult situation."
I too vote for the car trip
I too vote for the car trip and on the way you can make it clear that the kid is not returning to the home as you now fear for your life and safety. This weekend the locks get re-keyed or better yet put in those combination locks as you can change them daily if you think Daddy is going to sneak the boy a copy of a key.
If Daddy says where is kid going to go tell him "lets wait and see if he's guilty because if he is he'll be well over 18 before getting out". If he does get out before that he'll just have to be considered abandoned or Daddy will have to house him away from your home with or without Daddy.
This. I couldn't understand
This. I couldn't understand why everyone in the family wants to be all "aww" over this kid after what he has done. That's probably why he's the way he is, everyone is babying him.
wow, first off- a big hug and
wow, first off- a big hug and a big martini...
You have to be done with this kid, but as some people said above, go for the ride. Support DH an his trauma over this.
He needs a sounding board for the ride there and FOR SURE the ride back.
The kid can rot. Sorry, but at 15? you know right from wrong.
*Gulps Martini* i needed
*Gulps Martini* i needed that, greatly! I didn't even go and my fiance actually didn't force me either. I guess he got the message his kid is no longer in my peripheral vision so to speak. I said those exact same things you said in my head about him rotting in there, but I thought that was a bit harsh....until I realized I don't care anymore...sad to say...
You don't know how much I
You don't know how much I appreciate these responses! I feel so isolated from my family because i'm constantly trying to hide my feelings from them. They'd know in a heartbeat when something is wrong with me and it was only justify what my mother had been telling me all along (Be careful what you're getting yourself into). I couldn't talk to them about what I'm going through so this site is a lifesaver! But yeah, this is only the beginning...sadly, I feel that my DF doesn't get why I don't even want to talk to him about his son when the conversation comes up. He keeps talking about it like he wants me to join in his little pity party but HELLO! The skid is a loser! Wow that was harsh but the truth! I just hope I can live through this without being committed into a "funny farm" if you know what I mean lol. I'm gonna go crazy here, but this site keeps me grounded.