Visitation at the EX's house
My commom law husband has 3 children from his previous marriage , 1 child is mentally challenged. My husband's visitation is twice weekly and he goes to his ex-wifes house which is from 6-10pm to spend time with them as per his divorce settlement that was drawn up before we met. she use to live 5 minutes away but recently moved 30 minutes away so this adds alot of travel time for my husband's day and expense in gas. Anyways my problem is ( and it might just be me being irrational) is that his ex-wife is home sometimes while he is there. Also the child with the special needs sleeps with her mother everynight- so he puts his daughter to bed in his ex's bed and sits at a desk located in his ex wifes bedroom and works til his daughter is asleep. I am so bothered that his ex wife stays home sometimes, to me she should go out since his is accomodating her by always going to her house for visits during the week,plus I don't like them spending time together for up to 8 hours a week at her house or eating dinner there with them as a family. I know he wouldn't go back to her but it is just an uncomfortable situation for me and he doesn't seem to think much of my level of comfort where this is concerned. I just can't handle him being in his ex-wifes room at all - to me it is totally wrong but once again he doesn't think much of it because it is for his daughter. Up to about 6 months ago we each had our own homesand I didn't really have much say about his visitation but we now live together in a home we purchased and plan to build our life together, but since then I am getting more and more bothered by his visitation schedule.. Am I right to be bothered or should I just keep my mouth shut and live with it.. need help , it is starting to affect how I feel about our relationship.
OOH.. Touchy..
Ok his daughter is mentally challanged.. I am not quite sure why he agreed to the situation to begin with. Why not get her used to the parents not being connected anymore.. Why not have her and them on his own time.. Spending quality time with them.
I too would be very annoyed if my husband even went into his ex wifes room.. Now a days how can anyone not be..
I think you need to sit back and think about the rest of your life with this man and decide if you can handle the situation totally.
Talk to him again and tell him that you realize its for his daughter.. But again and I say this all the time have him think about you going to lets say your ex's and be in his bedroom and eating dinner and being a family again. I bet you anything if the rolls were reversed he would be so angry about all that it wouldn't be funny.
** I think you should seriously think about things.. Also maybe he can get things switched in the decree so he can start spending time with her at your home.. If you two are seriously thinking of getting married she will have to be included to along with his other children. Ask to go sometime to meet them. Maybe by doing that the bio mom will prefer to change the order...
If the "tender age" clause doesn't apply...
and the child is older than three, there's no reason why he can't have the children at his home for visitation. It could be time to modify the visitation schedule. Being that you have moved and are now farther away, it may be time to seek weekend visitation, where dad gets the kids at his house every other weekend, every other holiday, etc. If you are in a permanent, committed relationship with this man, then I don't think you are being unreasonable to want him to consider the inappropriateness of him spending time in his ex-wife's house, let alone her bedroom, whether she is there or not. You can't be a little pregnant, nor can you be a little divorced.
~ Anne ~
Why would you sign up for this?
I agree that you should be bothered by this, however, why didn't this bother you before you moved in? Why didn't a discussion prior to you moving in together, come up about changing the visitation schedule and location? I'm a little taken a back of the fact that you would move in and sign up to be with someone that feels it is acceptable to visit his child in his "ex" wife's bedroom.
I'm not suggesting that he is rekindling anything with his ex, however, he does not set boundaries with his ex, therefore, she could totally be taking advantage of him, and using him for a door mat!
First things first, have a discussion with your dh, and find out how he feels about possibly changing his visitations. If your dh is stuck continuing with this inappropriate schedule/location, then you need to have a discussion with yourself about having a future with someone that doesn't set boundaries.
Bests,
Candice
couldn't he ask his ex to
couldn't he ask his ex to change the current situation and say that he would rather spend time w/kids by taking them out of the house? if she says no and sounds like you are very unhappy w/the situation, to go back to court and ask the court to change that part of the agreement. have you ever discussed this w/your husband?
-happy mom
well, i see your point
well, i see your point Janice... the reason why i brought up the topic about compromising the situation was because in my experience, exwife was at 1st very controlling but now she has lightened up and it is easier to compromise w/her. people can change at times, so it all depends i guess if they do change. but yes I agree that maybe ex can go out when exhusband comes to visit his children.
-happy mom