Want to bond/love ss but just CANT seem to????
I wish I could love my ss11 but I have sooo much trouble with it. We don't see him very often and when we do it just seems like there is a guest in the house and all of us act so different while he's here. This kid is ok at times but at other times he acts so strange. His hygiene is awful, he acts more like he is 5 at times rather than a 12 year old. He always acts like everyone owes him something instead of appreciating what he gets. He will sulk up when he is mad and talk badly about his bm then calls and tells her how much he misses her? He really likes to lie to everyone to be able to get more things. He can be really disrespectful and everything has to be about him at ALL times. Still I want to put all of these annoying habits and characteristics about him aside and try. I have known him for 6 years now and have been a part of his life since then. I felt closer to him when I first met him than I do now. Is there something wrong with me???!!! I mean yes he is a brat but I do know he is just a child......still I CANT STAND BEING AROUND HIM! Help! Any suggestions??? I had the hardest time acting like I even wanted him here for Christmas and buying him gifts were such a struggle this year. I just didnt want to do a thing for him!
My suggestion is to stop
My suggestion is to stop hoping for a close relationship with him. Simply treat him nicely, like you would want to be treated as a child in that situation.
Does your DH do anything to correct and help him? If he doesn't, then DH, not SS, is the real problem.
Yes my dh does correct him
Yes my dh does correct him but we dont have him often so we spend several days making him just act normal then he leaves again. I feel like ss only calls when there is something in it for him otherwise he isn't interested. Dh gets his hopes up because ss will call several days in a row around birthdays, christmas ect....then it all stops for weeks at a time. I think this makes me annoyed as well. He is just a really selfish kid and it makes it sooo hard to like him. It really seems to be getting worse as he gets older and so do my feelings of dislike for him
Research parental alienation
Research parental alienation syndrome (PAS) because it sounds like that could very likely be going on. That's where 1 parent (in this case, the mom) bashes the other parent (Dad) to the child and does absolutely NOTHING to help them have a close relationship, regardless of how far away or close by Dad may live to the child. Google Dr. Richard Warshak- his website has some great PAS materials for both kids and adults who've been subjected to PAS. Maybe consider buying some for DH and SS.
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the advice. That is EXACTLY where I am with all of it. When I read how bad others skids are I realize my situation really isnt as bad as I am making it!
Anon2009- I'm not really sure if it is PAS because my ss bm always tries to force a relationship between them. When I say force I mean she goes overboard sometimes but then at other times I feel like she just wants to drop him off with us so she can have a break. There are A LOT of people who are helping her with her kids...one is my dh's and one is not. She is remarried and that seems like it's helped in her calling all the time. We also had an argument about it and now bm and I have really decent relationship. I think in this case SS12 is just really spoiled and selfish. He only wants to come around when he is "getting something" or when he gets to go somewhere. He does live in another state though so it makes it hard for us to see him a lot. We usually only see him on holidays because he started complaining about the long road trip on his weekends. I really appreciate your advice and you taking the time to read and reply to me! This site has saved my life sooo many times! Thank you to all of you!
before my skid was my ss8, he
before my skid was my ss8, he was just my bf's son. I didn't like him then, and i tried, really I did. I just have never felt any kind of maternal bond with him, even though his mother is a junkie and barely in his life (he lives with me and fiancee now and my kids) and I knew he needed a mother, I just couldn't and can't really be that for him. I don't wish him any ill will, but I don't "love" him the way a mother should love a son. I tolerate him at best. Thankfully my kids love him and his father loves him and that's just going to have to be enough in this household for him I guess.....
I feel the same way but SD15
I feel the same way but SD15 LIVES w/ us. I have been her SM since she was 2 and there is nothing there?!?!? My problem is that daddy and her BM "let" her make all the rules; so I just opted out of the whole situation. As far as hygiene goes.....forget about it; I counted 5 days w/o a shower and once (and this is the last time) I stuck my hand in her drawer!! NEVER AGAIN; I won't even say what I found!!
Just remember; don't ever let anyone make you feel like a stranger in your own home!! Good Luck
You're normal. Just try your
You're normal. Just try your best to respect him, and ask the same from him.