Need some PAS advice
Guys and gals
ITs been awhile. For those who know me both me and OH are back in work and loving our jobs. Been having skids sporadically as OH is shift working and its been a bit of a nightmare to schedule visits but BM has been moderately flexible, contact wise. Havent seen ss9 in a few weeks which is surpriseing as the last vist we had was brilliant.
BUT...the slow PASing has started creeping up again.
IT appears BM has given her abusive bf walking papers and is focusing all attentions and energies towards me and OH again and our relationship. It was a fb free for all last night...she has now got it into her head that me and OH were sleeping together when she was pregnant with SD4 (we didnt get together still SD was 11 months) so crazy mode has kicked in.
Its god dam frustrating tbh.
OH and I have come a hell of a long way in the last 18 months. I lost my mum in early 2010 which coincided with his court battle for contact. i always let his drama take a front seat as his children mean the world to him and i think all efforts were needed as he self repped thru court and managed to gain access via the uk court system which is preety shit normally to non resident dads.
we have scrapped and srcrimped thru redundancy, whilst still managing csa payments, and to be candid i dipped into my own mums life insurance to support us for the last 8 months. now we are back on our feet and things have been going well it just seems like this is bms way of meddling again.
comments from sd4:
mummy misses us when we go and she says she is going to cry until we come home
mummy says that sd9 belongs to her and that she says that sd9 shouldnt like daddy
mymmy doesnt like you ***y and she says you are bad but i sitlll love you
i know its not much in the scheme of things but i hate hate hate having to deal with this deranged ho 150% of the time. she will never get it thru her thick skull that OH left HER. and only her. not the kids not the life he had but the fact he couldnt stand the sound of her voice.
i am absluteluty sure that didnt make any sense to you st's but i needed t oget that out.
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Comments
Got it - loud and clear,
Got it - loud and clear, darling. You know that saying about insanity - repeating the same act and expecting a different result? Well, I am starting to think that I am insane. I expect the BM to act appropriately, as a mother should. But repeatedly she proves this will never happen. Why do I then take such offense that she is such a POS? Why do I expect other people to hold her accountable when that has NEVER been the case? It's because I can't BELIEVE anyone could be so awful and trashy. Well, in your case, I think you have to view it in much the same manner. You'll NEVER be able to convince her that he left her because of her. Why would she admit that it was actually HER fault that they split up? It is much easier for her to wrap her head around the concept that it was YOUR fault. When SS4 says things like that - bring attention to the good part of what he said. That he LOVES YOU! Next time - laugh and say something like - Your mom/mum is silly! And then give him a huge hug and tell him you love him too. The only way to beat these losers is to beat them at the I'M NICER THAN YOU game!! It works for me... Of course, I wanted to go RIGHT THROUGH THE PHONE at her once when she said she was happy for me and my BF. Bitch, it's been 9 years - get over yourself!! So - chin up, darling. She's crazy - leave it at that!! And remember - it KILLS her that her son loves you. She can't process those emotions or feelings and thinks the only way to deal with it is talk smack.
I dont know why her POS
I dont know why her POS actions still manage to shock me tbh. I know shes a shit person, i know she uses her children to validate her own codependency issues and i know she uses all those around her to fuel her npd needs. but when it starts to come out of the skids mouths it grates me to now end. i have done nothing but accept these children, and love them and she still gets to me. I guess i just need to shrug, smile, and realise that if she is really that insecure its her issue, and not mine.
its damn draining dealing with someone who will never take responsibity for their own lives, actions, finances, and children. but she is a good 10 years older than me and still getting allowance from mummy and daddy. i take care of myself, my man, my skids and they are happy when they are here. her acting like this and repeatedly victimizing herself has nothing to do with me, repeat to self and mantra!
Tanks ladies just needed a good old vent this evening.
roll on holiday, kid free and hot sun. 3 weeks and counting! although i am sure we will hear about the fact OH couldnt pay csa whilst we went on holiday...best pay your bills instead of spending it down the pub love.