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Why cannot HCBM just let things be GOOD!

RisingtheWave80's picture

The Good News:

SD14 has been not only coming and spending time with us but even prioritized it over plans with a friend for this week. The therapy school is helping her a great deal, the correct diagnosis has helped her a great deal, the proper medications have helped her a lot. She is accountable and overall doing well. YAY. I know there will be hills and valleys but I am hopeful. 

Prior to the incident in May that made it so she refused to come to our home or have anything to do with us for 8 months I was her person, and I feel that she still feels that way towards me or at least she is trying. But I was also the scapegoat for HCBM, she loves to accuse me of things but then also I was the one who she would ask "Can you have "ME" talk to daughter?" because she knew that I could get through her unlike her. 

Well fast forward 7 months where HCBM gets to play the martyr, "Look everyone my daughter is doing better because her father wasn't in her life (not true) and because I have spent all this time working with her to be a better person" BITCH you didn't do anything, the school you fought so hard against has been a life saver for everyone. So now she feels like she gets to control everything, making DH jump through hoops to see her, making him promise he won't even have a beer (he still needs to have a talk with SD about this, baby steps) and last night was another kicker. 

On Christmas we (Me, DH, and SD) talked about a trip to an art museum in Boston for an exhibit that I thought we would all like. I couldn't remember the artist name but the style was amazing. So Friday I sent SD a text with the link to the exhibit and said that I would try to grab tickets for Feb when they go on sale next week. She was super excited, she has been 100% receptive and communicating. This is me trying to be the good stepmom who "doesn't keep punishing a kid who appears to be trying" She and I text for a few minutes, she thanked me again for the Christmas presents, I didn't go crazy just a few things I knew she would like. I then shared the kitchen remodel pics because she is also really into home decor. Nothing major just trying to keep lines of communication open and this has never been an issue. 

So last night DH gets an email from HCBM-

"I told you that "me" isn't to be making plans with "daughter" she needs to go though you or me to do so. I was going to take her to that exhibit but I guess I will now sit back and let you take her (100% A LIE) "Me" shouldn't be making plans without one of us involved." 

WTF Lady! 

So DH responded with "First of all she wasn't making plans, she was sending "daughter" the link to the exhibit the three of us had talked about on Christmas"

She then response (backpedaling) "Oh Okay" "I didn't look at the message, I think this will be a nice experience for all of you" 

So much drama, why cannot she just STOP. For once SD14 is doing what she should be, she is staying out of trouble, she is a happier kid" dammit woman, just enjoy it. 

But it's all control and I believe she is threatened by me, but she shouldn't be. All I want is my DH to have a healthy relationship with his kids. 

DH after her backpedaled response states " ANY normal person would be say "for everything that my daughter has put people through in the last year, here is her stepmom who is still willing to be there for her, to have a relationship with her and I am no longer doing this alone" But not this HCBM, she lives for the drama and the need to be seen as a better parent than she is. 

 

tog redux's picture

It's how she is - just expect it. She's never going to be a normal person who can co-parent sanely. She's insecure, self-centered and needs to control everything.  If you let her upset you every time she acts like HER, you will stress yourself out.

Honestly, if I were you I'd back off, but that's up to you. I didn't want to be BM's target, so I never texted SS (not that he would have returned them anyway, he wouldn't) or did anything with him that wasn't with DH as well.

I'm glad things are going better with SD, that's where to put your focus.

RisingtheWave80's picture

BM is realizing that she has little control and she hates it. Just imagine in less than 2 years when SD is driving and she REALLY cannot control things. SD not only texts me back but also super positive responses. I am blown away. BM just looks like an idiot everytime she reacts to things she knows nothing about. I am 100% sure SD simply shared that she was looking forward to this exhibit and BM reacted to a soundbite. 

Harry's picture

You can not expect normal responses. BM wants to control SD life, she may not want SD to get better, so she can always take care of her.  Not to mention CS for life.  She is doing everything to keep SD sick, and playing MOTY. 
 

you have to help SD and fight BM. What is a hard combination to do.

Rags's picture

Good for DH in rubbing BM's nose in her manipulative shit.

Toxic manipulators should live only a life of consequences for their crap.  After all, evil thrives where good people do nothing in the face of evil.

Keep BM pummeled into submission and quit caring about her letting things be good.

Rags's picture

On the topic of your headline.... Many people are more focused on spreading the misery that they live rather than on improving their plight.