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Why do people take such issue paying for their stepkids?

marianeleigh's picture

If you want to be a family why not act like a family? It should not matter if they are your kids by biology or not. or if they have another bio parent int he picture or not. When you date or maryring someone with kids you should cover those kids espenses as if those children were your own and act like a member of the family. Why do people take such issue with this?

SteppedOut's picture

Why? Why do you think you should have to pay for children that are not yours? 

Are you a step-parent? Or a bio parent wanting someone else to pay for your kids?

megansider's picture

Wrong. Those kids have two parents who are alive, well and employed. That is who should be covering their expenses. Didn't your parents ever teach you not to be a user? Stop making it someone else's responsibility because it's not. Also there is a big difference between a first family and a second(step) family. The dynamics are different. You might want to do some reading up on second marriages where there are children involved from previous relationships and exes who are still actively involved in their lives.

markwvualum's picture

Why don't you marry someone who already has kids then and then you can pay for their kids? Then you will see how it feels to finance someone else's children who are not related to you.

Focused_onourlife's picture

Exactly! And who will never appreciate shit you do for them.

Siemprematahari's picture

This is the funniest sh!t I read all day...............

ROFL

You can't be serious right?!? A step parent has the choice whether they contribute to support the step kid or not. They have no obligations and it's not a point of it being an issue. The point is when it is done and it's taken for granted, not appreciated, and the step kid is continuously disrespectful with a air of entitlement. I will never contribute to anyone or anything that blatantly disrespects me.

F@ck out of here with that......

 

ESMOD's picture

Kids are the product of 2 biological parents that have a legal and a moral obligation to pay to support the children they produce. period. 

A step-parent has zero moral or legal obligation to support a child they did not create.period.

Anything that the step parent does for the child is done on a completely voluntary basis.

But... by all means.. explain your situation and why the step-parent should be paying .. (I am assuming you are NOT the step-parent by the way)

susanm's picture

When those children love and respect me like my own children then I will treat them like mine.  Until then, they are not and their actual parents can foot the bill.

readingandlearning's picture

The step parent has zero obligation to pay for your kids. Anytime the step parent does so it is out of their own choosing and is completely voluntary. After being a step parent myself I found it very frustrating whenever I did pay for my stepkids expenses it was rarely appreciated and almost always taken for granted with an added air of entitlement and general rudeness from those stepkids. When they continued to act disrespectfully towards me with an air of entitlement I stopped paying for them entirely. Don't get me wrong, whenever we went somewhere I always covered my own expenses completely but I was done helping my ex with his kids endless expenses. It did not take long for that relationship to fall apart (his true motives were shown after that.) Anyways his kids have a mother and a father who are both educated, healthy, and working. That is who should be paying for them. If they can't afford their kids expenses then they both need to downsize, get another job, budget, etc. and figure out how to make it work without taking advantage of others.

justmakingthebest's picture

Everyone here has already said it BUT- Biological parent are the ones responsible for the kids. Step parents have no rights, they have no real say- Why on earth should they HAVE to pay up? 

Anything a step parent does should be because they WANT to. Not feel obligated or bullied or that their relationship depends on them taking on the burden of someone else's child. 

I have 2 bios and 2 steps- no joint children. Neither my husband or I ever feel the need to fork over money for the other's kid. We take care of our own just like before we got married.

caitlinj's picture

When my stepkids love me and treat me like my own children do then I will be happy to pay for them. Until then, no. 

Thisisnotus's picture

uuhhhh what?? Not only do I not want to PAY for my step kids.......but have you heard of Child Support by any chance?

There is no way in hell I am paying a dime for my step kids...my DH already forks out tons of money per month on child support, medical expenses, and whatever else idiotic things BM comes up with that he should pay half of. So I also don't want my DH spending any more money on his kids.......and yes we have his kids 50 percent of the time and incure the same costs for these kids as BM does...the only difference is that nobody is giving us money to cover their costs......so I'm sorry if I don't want to see another penny go to these kids.........

if there was no CS, then sure....

I also don't think everyone has to be a family....I married my DH...not his kids and I don't pretend that we are some big happy family because that is not possible.

Siemprematahari's picture

I'm convinced it's just a troll trying to amp us up...

It has to be.......

 

tog redux's picture

100%.

CLove's picture

I wondered when you would be back, with something to push our collecive buttons (not our belly buttons silly), and here you are again!

lol. Welcome back Troll!

georgina29's picture

I am not convinced this is a troll. I actually know women who really do think like this. They usually have been catered to and overly indulged by their parents who rarely told them no. They are very entitled people. They treat their spouses like dirt and usually end up alone, or in dysfunctional relationships, and have very entitled kids who become just like them. 

megansteppedout's picture

My guess is you wouldn’t be wanting your precious little darlings to grow up, marry someone who already has children and them to have to support them. My guess is you would think they are above that. My guess also is you would never even consider supporting someone else’s children either. Just a guess Wink

shamds's picture

yup i should get your cash, so should my kids but we can treat you like shit and my kids and you still need to keep that atm. 

This is one reason why my pension fund and any life insurance policies are willed to my bio kids only. Not even their dad has money allocated purely because it means part of that money will go to skids. My retirement savings are all from before i married hubby and had kids, why should steps get it

Husband's wife's picture

And me too, wouldn't mind to have a couple of extra     cash... Christmas is coming !

Letti.R's picture

No offence, but seriously, you are delusional.
Either you don't respect what belongs to someone else, or you are a gold digger with entitlement issues where your kids are concerned.

An SO /  new spouse is not a cash register or ATM  for you or your kids to abuse.
Anybody who allows this must be mentally deficient.

mro's picture

You are free to do that with your stepchildren, of course.  I assume you DO have stepchildren.  This is a site for stepparents.  If you are not one, you may find another site more relevant to your situation.

KellyRea's picture

Marriage is teamwork. My husband has never once made me feel obligated to pay for my stepdaughters but I chose this life, therefore I do support my stepkids. 

susanm's picture

Since you put it that way, my DH chose this life with me.  He should fully support my inability to say no to an animal in need and their attendant medical bills and break out the checkbook at my every whim.  He will be absolutely delighted to hear about this.  Thanks!!!!! 

Lollybobs's picture

Ditto Smile

sickofstephell's picture

I do pay for things for my steps. If I'm going to buy my own children something and we are all at the store together, I buy for everyone. I can afford it, so why not? My husband does the same with my children.

We have talked about it not being an obligation but we both admit to feeling obligated.

georgina29's picture

I took issue with paying for my steps because they were ungrateful and I would always catch them saying things about me. They also have two bio parents who have good careers.

HowLongIsForever's picture

What does "act like a member of the family" mean to you, beyond the financial aspect?

And why is it that this is a requirement only for the stepparent?

The bioparent isn't required to meet the same demands, the kids aren't, so why is the burden 100% on the step in your ideal situation?

What are your considerations for what it takes for you to "act like a member of the family" to the step?  Do you even have any? 

When you can offer something rather than demanding all, you may find someone willing to take on the monumental task of a stepparent.  If all you envision is that person's complete conformance to your life with no consideration for their own you're not going to find anyone willing.  

Why do you take such issue with this?

Breanna123's picture

these kids belong to you and your ex. They need to be taken care of financially, physically and emotionally by you and your ex.

You expecting a person who is not their father to step in and do all this is phenomally entitled.

Unless you asked your current partner for consent to have children with someone else that your current partner would be responsible for, then yes, your expectations are unreal.

And I promise you whomever you get to sign onto this will either feel used and leave, is intellectually challenged or will have alternative motives for wanting to be with a single mom.

 

StepLumberjack's picture

My only issue with continuing to pay for my SKs lives...

The more I spend...the more they steal from me.

shamds's picture

For 2 effed up parents who were stupid enough to have kids, fail miserably at raising them and then split up and not freeload like leeches off another person? You ask why we take issue?

hmmm lets see... when skid says the stepparent is a stranger. When skid says their half siblings are not their family. When skid tells stepparent that they are their atm and they better pay up. 

When skids are disrespectful turds, when they do everything to sabotage your relationship with their bio parent and push you to divorce, no way in hell should a stepparent be forced to be financially responsible for other peoples kids.

in my case bio mum knocked off with over a million dollars in the divorce and sought to leave hubby penniless and homeless despite not working in 15 years because she wanted to live the high life and have my husband pay for it, she spent that money  on her lover rather than her kids, tried to play the poor me poor single mum bs, refused to spend that money caring for her kids properly.

Why should i make up the balance because she’s an effin irresponsible idiot? Why should my kids pay for it because their dads exwife is a narcissistic twat?

i come from a western country and hubby and exwife an asian country. Financially me and hubby are better off together but i will never be guilted to even things out for skids because of my ethnicity or nationality. Skids don’t like it, great!! Ask mummy to migrate to a western country.. yeah pretty sure depart of foreign affairs would catch on her major red flags and deny her visa application...

me and hubby have talked about buying a home together in my country in the next few years as a permanent base and be joint owners meaning if he dies before me, home 100% goes to me as i am the only other registered owner, skids can’t claim shit even hubbys share of the home because my country recognizes his share in the home transferred to me upon his death, its not transferrable or able to be sued for in court by skids. Our future home will remain skid free as they are disrespectful, sponging leeches, lack of boundaries or respect for privacy. Skids will be adults then and hubby knows he can meet them outside our home but never inside and i will enforce this rule because this is our retreat, skids are negative vultures and i do not want that in my home

Since me and hubby work together to make our home happen, skids do not get that financial benefit as they have contributed nothing. They do not get entitlement to anything... if the skids aren’t happy they have a same home to live in, they can bitch to their mummy that she should have gotten a job just like me and gone to university to better herself.

reality is freeloaders don’t get anywhere in life but heck if others succeed they sure are great at playing the poor pity me card well..

op, be responsible for your own kids and stop blaming stepparents or making them responsible for other peoples screw ups of failing to care for and raise their kids. Why blame a stepparent and completely rid and excuse the bio parents of any blame- thats just pathetic!

the most of my generosity for my ss when he is at home from university breaks is a fully stocked fridge. He helps himself to juice and thats about it... he has no shame taking that to be honest because as he continually says we are strangers, well strangers normally don’t demand or take things from strangers or should expect handouts

the law recognizes stepparents as not legally or financially responsible for stepkids so stop saying we are please!!

people reap what they sow. If skids enjoy and continue being disrespectful uncivilized little shits, they don’t get entitlement or expectations that they profit off a rich stepparent. 

op go find your Prince Charming to freeload off, believe me it won’t take long for him to resent you and your kids and for that marriage to end

Husband's wife's picture

My MIL wanted me to contribute to the DH's boy. Because I earn a decent amount of money. I was like WTF? I was not going out, I studied for years, I have a master's degree and a PhD. I worked my butt off for years and years.

the BM doesn't have any diploma, she chose to go out and change men as she pleases, she convinced DH to have a kid (that doesn't look like him at all btw), she doesn't take care of her kid, doesn't provide for him, collects CS and leave the kid with the x ILs. And I have to contribute to this nonsense ? No no no 

shamds's picture

ex wife palmed off her 14 yr old to sd23.5 to care fore since 3 yrs ago.

her hatred and revenge for exhubby superceded the responsibility of that minor child.

exwife got a diploma but never worked, just saw it as a means to enter a workplace and hook a rich man. Now i’m in university fulltime with 2 toddlers and me and hubby being financially better off including our kids is because of us 2, not because of skids and they do not and should not profit off that...

so we have exwife who hasn’t worked in 25.5 years, i know her ammo, she will play the pity me card when we buy our beautiful home in a lovely coastal suburb but that is due to me and hubbys hard work, not hers or skids...

 

Winterglow's picture

This kind of thinking is the reason why you are still looking for, and will never find,  your "perfect  man" - the one who has never been married, has no children, and who is falling over himself to pay through the nose for yours. This person exists only in your imagination. 

 

shamds's picture

Don’t want to spend money on their own kids but have their spouse spend or guilt them into paying for things for the skids or worser still, the dads family lectures the wife that she should pay for all the skids and mil’s lunch or dinner out...

Kiwi_koala's picture

Do you have step children? If so, then nevermind. If you don't why don't you come back after you acquire some and start paying for them. 

This line of thought and entitlement makes me really angry. It's bad enough that people divorce so flippantly these days. Now, there's people like you who think as soon as your marriage doesn't work out another man will step right in and play the same role as your ex and you basically lose nothing. Only your children and new husband get to suffer. I'm sorry, but there are consequences to separation and divorce and one of those is that you become a single parent who is solely responsible for the care of your children on your time. Unless you're willing to do the same for another person's kids please stop asking why non related people don't want to take care of other's children.

shamds's picture

contribute her half to raising her kids when she can collect alimony or have a subsequent partner fund everything!!

why not while we’re at it take issue at all those lazy arse bio mums collecting alimony for decades and decades claiming they need to stay home to care for the kids when they’re all in fulltime school?? Oh my bad, we need to feel sorry she took a decade off work so everyone must feel sorry for the rest of her life

markwvualum's picture

I agree with this too. People are so quick to jump from relaitonship to relationship when there are kids involved. There is no value in their relationship whatsover, only what they can get out of it. People like this are disgusting.

shamds's picture

There are plenty of sahm on parenting sites who claim they deserve alimony indefinitely because they sacrificed their careers for kids, they sacrificed work to have kids with hubby and support him so they must get everything. 

Claim they are disadvantaged now from getting back into the workplace because of lesser pay and there not beig enough women. Any employer i had has been a champion of sahm getting into the workplace- even male managers because they’re awesome multitaskers. 

What these stats fail to acknowledge are the masses of women collecting alimony indefinitely for their property (sorry i meant kids!!).

what excuse do those mums of fulltime school aged children have to not get a job when there are other mums with toddlers, pregnant or with a newborn at university finishing their degree?? Yup no legitimate excuse beyond being a freeloader. 

They’re such lazy people rorting the system 

juststressedbeyondbelief's picture

The answer to your question is really easy.

Other men don't want to pay for your children because your genepool is inferior.

They want you for about 30 minutes, and then after that, want nothing to do with Snaggletooth McCrotchdropping Jr., or you - for that matter.

I-m so happy

"Sarcasm" to lighten the mood of the post.

But is all sarcasm untrue? The jury is still out on that.

markwvualum's picture

Although this post is slightly cruel I do agree that most men (and women) do not want to raise and fund kids who are no their own especially when there is another bio parent in the picture. It builds up a lot of resentment for obvious reasons. That is mainly due to the stepkids being unappreciative and you are always reminded you can never live up to their bio parents and what they do for them. After a while you quit trying. No one should have to pay to be loved anyways. The "love" stepchildren give is always conditional to their step parents. 

Cooooookies's picture

Hahahahahahahahahaha whose crazy BM is this??  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!

BM2 is that you??  Don't worry - I do pay for your son.  Unlike you.

Rags's picture

It depends.  If an SO is pumping tons of marital financial resources into the kid when the kid is not in the home the kid is supported. Of course when the kid is in our home they get fed and participate as those resident in the household experience.

Beyond that how they are treated is fully dependent on their behaviors.  Ill behaved little shits don't get rewarded. They get punished.