wife isn't grateful that i watch her kids and gets mad at me for having a life outside of the skids
before we got married we had an agreement that the kids weren't my responsability and that i wasn't her daycare person. i have voluntered to watch them during the week for the summer and am happy to do so since i'm not working right now and only give her 150 for rent. but whenever i go some place for an hour and get our neighbors to watch the kids she flips out. wether that be going to the gym, doctors appointments, ect. yesterday we had a family emergency where my brother needed me to help him move and it was all the sudden. "he had to be out by 5." i sent the kids over to the neighbors and helped my brother move. wife is mad at me and says that my priorities are out of line. i have already agreed to not do anything while it's my turn to watch the kids but she's still mad. she should be grateful that i'm willing to watch them but isn't at all. i am happy to watch them but just wish she'd be grateful.
Are you two husband and whfe or...
are you a live-in nanny and she (for lack of a better word) a sugar momma? I'm sorry...I don't mean to offend you by that, but it sounds like that with that "pre-marriage" agreement, only $150 (for rent), and her expecting you to "watch her kids". Seriously...marriage is a partnership. The fact that you give her rent money, and that you are expected to babysit...just sounds like...I don't know...NOT a marriage. I think you both need to revisit what it means to give and take mutually in a marriage.
well should she expect me to
well should she expect me to watch her kids or no? i am happy to do it. i am just wondering if it's something she should get mad at me for not doing if that ever happens.
My opinion....
She shouldn't *expect* you to do it, but if you say you will, then just follow through. Things do come up of course and as long as it isn't happening all the time (like more than 2-3 times a week), then she should be understanding of these things. Now, if you're happy to do it, but not every day, just make that clear to her so that she can find other arrangements. I think that she probably feels like you owe her that since you give so little toward rent, but in actuality, this is a marriage and you should both support each other equally. If her idea of supporting you is furnishing a home for you and providing the income, then she's doing her part. If your idea of supporting her is taking care of her kids during the day, just uphold your end of the relationship too. It sounds like you just don't feel appreciated, and that's what needs to be conveyed to her in exactly those words.
thanks. i appreciate the
thanks. i appreciate the advice.
Then dont babysit
She needs to find another sitter then. You were doing this out of the kindness of your heart, Stuff comes up all the time and alot of its either its not kid friendly (such as moving) or just a pain to take the kids (like grocery shopping).
It sounds like she’s not
It sounds like she’s not respecting the boundaries you guys set in place while you were dating. You told her you weren’t comfortable being responsible for her children and she accepted that. She should appreciate that you are making her life easier by watching them. I may be way off, but to me, watching someone else’s child is a favor you are doing them and shouldn’t be “expected.” That’s how people get taken for granted. Next thing you know, she’s going to be acting like she’s doing you a favor by letting you get a break to go to the gym because her kids have now become your responsibility.
boom. you said it.
boom. you said it.
Pay the rent.
Seems to me you either pay full rent or watch the kids.
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There's an exception to everything I say.
i'm happy to watch them and
i'm happy to watch them and that's not the issue. the issue is her being grateful and not fliping out if i have to do something that requires an hour away from the kids.
Wifey is wrong
I could see where she would be pissed if you made inappropriate arrangements for the skids while you did what you needed to do but this does not seem to be the case here.
The way I look at it, if you were the biological father of the kids, there would be no problem, she would trust your judgment.
I do think it is your responsibility to watch to skids if she is the primary wage earner; but, how you choose to exert that responsibility is up to you.
She is either way to controlling and jealous or, for some reason, doesn't trust your judgement. If she can't trust you to take care of it, then my suggestion is to not watch them if doing so causes her to freak out.
She may not realize the impact of her actions or how her behaviour is making you feel. Time for one of the one-on-one private talks. Tell her how you "feel" and she what her response is.
Good luck
We all smile in the same language
Wifey is wrong
blah, blah, blah. Accidental double post that I don't know how to delete so its been edited. Ack.