This week SS17 agreed to spend the weekend with DH for the first time in more than a year.  SO has not seen his son since his birthday in June and has been reduced to awkward text messages trying to maintain some sort of relationship.  BM alienates by constantly tells SS17 that SO is not doing enough, SO should be paying for half of school clothes, school lunches, blah blah.  SO offered over text to buy SS17 clothes to which SS17 responded you are only doing it because you are legally obligated.  SO doesn't feel it's right to tell SS17 his side for fear of making it worse.

BM sends email threats of taking SO to court if he doesn't give her money for whatever she feels entitled to and includes accusations on SOs failure as a father to the the "kids" (SS17 & SD21) and rants about his relationship with me.  SO told BM to only contact him by certified mail if she feels she has a legitimate reimbursable request.  SKids have cell phones and don't need BM telling dad what they think and feel.

When SO went to pick SS17 for the weekend he got ambushed by BM.  In front of SS17 she says "I know you said to only send certified mail but I knew you were coming so I'll just hand it to you".  Then she hands SO a thick envelope and stands there talking about how great it is the boys are finally getting together, blah, blah, blah (as if she weren't the one alienating SS17) and did you hear what I said SO?  So basically she saunters out to say "I know you set up boundary but I am going to completely disregard it and make it so you can't say anything to me because SS17 is standing right here and you will look like a jerk." If SO has you blocked on phone, text and email what makes you think he wants to have you hanging out at his truck when all he wants is time with his son?

SO tells me about the exchange on Saturday night after SS goes to bed, he was upset and mad but had kept his cool in front of SS17.  OMG I was so mad that I couldn't sleep.  

We ended up having a great time with SS17.  This was the first time he really gave me a chance and we really hit it off.  He kept saying that he wasn't ready to go home all Sunday because he was having such a good time.  We didn't Disneyland the weekend either.  We talked college/trade school options, offered to help with and pay for applications.  SS left this weekend knowing we had his back and if he needed something we were happy to help but he needs to tell us.  Demanding and expecting money is way different than asking for and receiving.

On our drive home from dropping SS17 off, SO and I decided that we would return the letter from BM unopened by certified mail (in a few weeks). Whatever is in there will probably cross bondaries and upset SO and myself.  SO will include a letter about not doing that in front of SS17 again.  SO set a boundary and BM refused to respect it, we decided that we don't owe her the respect of opening the letter until she respects how SO asked to be communciated with.

It's amazing how good it feels to take the power away from someone who is so narcissistic.  I feel setting the boundary and holding the line is really going to be pivotal in dealing with BM for the rest of our lives