The "You don't have kids...." card is BM's favorite to pull!
BM's loves to tell me or anyone who will listen how I don't have any children so I don't know anything or understand anything about children.
First off, all parents, moms, dads, step parents, adoptive parents, foster parents learn how to be parents in the same way. At some point, none of us had children and we all learn how to be parents the same way..trial and error!
So please correct me if I am wrong, just because a child falls out of a person's uterus, it does not mean that person automatically becomes an expert on children and raising a child!
If a person doesn't know anything about children just because that child did not fall out of their uterus, guess that means all dads, childless step parents, and adoptive parents need a Children for Dummies book!
Seriously, that's more BM logic that drives me bat shit crazy!
Well, that's a pet peeve of
Well, that's a pet peeve of mine. BM tries that crap with me as well. It's that damn Golden Uterus BS.
Personally, I think it's
Personally, I think it's because it's the only thing BM has that I don't- biological children. Little does she know that I don't WANT bio kids.
^^^this^^^ It was love at
^^^this^^^
It was love at first sight when I met DH. Yes, I was crushed when I found out DH had a vasectomy shortly after SD was born. But, I love SD like she's my own. I don't care what anyone says, but I'm a "step" mom... And just like any other mom, I've learned how to parent through trial and error.
"I don't owe my stepkids
"I don't owe my stepkids anything" then why the hell did you marry a man with 5 kids! I will never understand a woman who thinks like you. Shame on you!
This forum needs a like
This forum needs a like button!
There's a little thing called
There's a little thing called disengagement. It's really great and sometimes necessary. It's mentioned a lot on this site, you probably know about it.
Oh, and she didn't marry the kids, she married the man. She probably has a reason she doesn't accept the kids so well - like most people on this site do yet they got married. To the man.
I see no reason for her to be ashamed. If her stepkids are anything like mine, there's no reason for shame.
And she truly DOESN'T owe them anything. Marrying their father doesn't put her in a position of owing the children ANYTHING. Doing things for them is a sign of good will, but it's not an obligation.
And you probably will never understand unless you're in the same situation as people who don't have anything to do with their step kids. Then you probably would understand. Or you're a masochist with no self respect, which I doubt you are.
Why are some SPs bothered by
Why are some SPs bothered by this? Step parents make the same type of comments about people who aren't SP.
Why is it ok for one group to play that card, but not the other?
AMEN SISTER ^^^^^^^
AMEN SISTER ^^^^^^^
This ^^^^^^
This ^^^^^^
You shouldn't judge a woman
You shouldn't judge a woman on their parenting ability based on if they have given birth to a child or have legal rights to a child. There are SPs, adoptive parents, and bio parents that are great because they have learned from actually parenting a child (whether they "own" the child or now). Then there are SPs, adoptive parents, and bio parents that are horrible parents despite having a child to raise. To assume another person cannot parent correctly because they do not "own" a child is ridiculous.
"When you have your own child
"When you have your own child you just know things." That was told to me by someone about 26 years my junior in response to me telling her to not leave her baby in the car in July. I gave her 5 minutes, called the cops. Cop must have been next door. He got the baby out, took a temp reading inside the car, it was 96. I felt bad waiting 5 minutes. I offered to go find her, she was a friend of ysd. The cop wanted to wait for her to come out. 35 minutes after the cop got the baby out and cps arrived on the scene she comes out of the salon. The cop arrested her and took a second temp reading. It was 118 in the car.
There was a spate of pets being left in cars and the SPCA gave police thermometers to show pet owners how stupid they were.
The 20something lost custody and had to take parenting classes to regain custody. I was treated to the whole evil eyes, you're such a shit from ysd. Dh was pissed i got involved like that.
meh. *brushes shoulder* you
meh. *brushes shoulder* you know u did the right thing. anyone else who says otherwise is an asshat.
i have NO tolerance for anyone who abuses the helpless. (babies, elderly, handicapped, and furbabies.)
"and you know nothing about
"and you know nothing about helping other people's children while dealing with their asshole bioparents."
Oh dear, that would annoy the
Oh dear, that would annoy the crap out of me. In one way, and only one way, would I even remotely agree with that, and it is in the case that, generally speaking, as a step-parent we don’t feel that all-encompassing love them so much it hurts sometimes kind of feeling that you feel towards your own children. We generally don’t have that kind of bond with them. I know I don’t feel that way towards my step-daughter, although I do care for her, want her to grow into a good person, and am terribly upset that she was dealt a terrible mother. However, I’m sure there are some step-parents who feel that kind of love towards their skids.
Now, that being said, any BM who thinks that you can’t feel that way because you didn’t push that child out of your body is full of it. Point in case, my DD was adopted and I honesty cannot imagine loving her any more than I do. It’s impossible.
But, as far as the “parenting” aspect, you’re absolutely right, nobody knows how to be a parent until they are one, whether it be step, bio or adopted. Biology has nothing to do with it. Stupid BM.
I want to add, that I do
I want to add, that I do realize there are step-parents who have raised their step-children as their own, and I would imagine feel towards them as any other parent would feel towards their children. I was generalizing, and was talking about steps, like me, who have no rights regarding the child, or aren’t allowed to parent the child, probably not feeling that bond with their step-children that parent’s generally feel towards their children.
I think the answer to BM's
I think the answer to BM's idiot drivel is obvious. 'Of course I have children. I have YOUR children because you can't effectively parent them.' It is brutally obvious to anyone with half a brain that there is no logic in BM's perspective on this. People without intellect are incabable of logic which certainly appears to be the case with the BM in your world.
Your BM's crap pisses me off too. People focus on STEP rather than the most important part of our title ... PARENT!!!!
A SParent is no less a parent than a Bio Parent or an adoptive parent...... in all but the legal sense. Whether the opposition wants to recognize that fact of not. I am my SS's "Dad". He knows it, the Sperm Clan knows it and everyone that SS interfaces with knows it. His stories of how his coworkers react to his "Dad" and "Gangster Dad" stories are classic and oh so funny. As a SParent I had no legal rights but like every SParent on the planet I had all of the legal responsibility for his well being when he was with me.
Some SParents are additive to their Skid's lives, some are not. We certainly have a choice on which we chose to be. Just like Bio Parents.