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Has anyone gone to court to try to gets step rights

NVWolff's picture

I was just curious if anybody has heard of or tried to get the court to give a step parents rights even though both biological parents are still in the picture.

I am the ONLY one in my SD life that has any education past high school and neither bio parents was a very good student. Because the BM has sole decision making she has told Sd school that I am not allowed to speak with teachers when I am alone. My DH is not always available and I would like to be able to go the conferences and have meeting with the teachers without DH. I am thinking about finding an attorney who just wants to try a crazy case.

MamaTracy's picture

I'd like to know the answer to this too...hope someone can help...

creativekw's picture

Dear Friend,

As a step parent raising a child in your home, you do have rights to go to your step childs school conferences etc. The biological spouse that you are living with can sign a paper at just about any school district giving you permission to speak to teachers, help with discipline at school, etc. If the child gets hurt at school, then you will also need to be contacted so that you or your spouse can pick them up for medical treatment.

Unless there is something in writing from the courts, then it has been my experience that you have every right to take part in the childs educational experience. Stay strong!

ColorMeGone2's picture

The parent that has legal custody of the child can give permission to doctors, teachers, etc. to discuss matters pertaining to the child with the child's stepparent. Likewise, they also have the authority to say that a certain individual cannot have access to information pertaining to the child. Stepparents only have whatever rights are bestowed upon them by the biological parent or parents who have legal custody. If your DH does not share legal custody, then he cannot pave the way for you with the child's school. And if BM won't do it, then you're stuck.

The only way I see this changing is if (1) DH takes her back to court to modify the custody order so that he has at least joint decision-making with BM, with which he could then give permission for you to be directly involved with SD's schooling or (2) you and DH file petitions to involuntarily terminate BM's parental rights so that you can adopt the child. In both cases, you'd have to have some pretty significant evidence to persuade a judge that this is truly in the child's best interest.

According to FERPA, for a stepparent to have the right to school records and such, the stepparent must be living in the home with the child and the child's PRIMARY CUSTODIAL PARENT. So if DH had primary custody and SD's primary residence was with you, then you would have some rights under FERPA. Since BM has primary custody, though, you do not have rights under FERPA. However, if BM remarried, then her husband would have those rights.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

NVWolff's picture

Thank you for your input. I understand that as of now I have NO rights. I was just looking to see if anybody tried or has has heard of stepparent fighting for more rights when it comes to their skids.

Sita Tara's picture

Her ten year old daughter's father magically showed up demanding custody. He had been gone, no contact for 8 YEARS. Her SF, who had just lost his wife of 5 years, had to go to court to win custody. He did. The father won some visitation, but the daughter (who had just lost her MOM for crying out loud) wanted no part in going. I think the last I heard was the father had fallen away again anyway. I think he might have believed there to be a paycheck involved if he won custody. Scary situation.

I used to think I'd fight for SD and she used to say she wanted me to. I'm not really sure I would put up a fight now, or that she would want me to. BUT I also don't think BM would take her, so I imagine she would remain here if all parties agreed.

Hmmm....now whether or not I could agree depends a lot on how we can find a way to treat her Personality Disorder.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

TheSaneOne's picture

My husband adopted my son in December. He is now in the process of adopting my daughter. Her BF should be getting his adoption papers this week.
I am currently adopting my stepson. His BM was served May 2nd so today is the last day to file an answer. Hoping since she hasn't contacted us yet she won't. Oddly, her mom called yesterday but we didn't answer. That was the first in four months. My thoughts were this, we want as many of our children to be together should something happen to one of us and the three kids above, their "other parent" isn't involved.

NVWolff's picture

Good luck with your case I hope that it all works outs for the best. How old are your bkids and skids

TheSaneOne's picture

My BD is 14 (her BF consented to the adoption and signed yesterday) My BS is 11 (husband adopted) my BD is 7 (her dad is very involved and she loves both her parents and steps) His BS that I am adopting (judge signed yesterday) is also 11, and I have a 7 yo SD and 3 yo SD that live out of state with their mom.

Confused yet? LOL Very blended family but by the end of the summer all but one will have the same last name and same father Smile