10 pitfalls of being a daddy's girl
I hope it's ok to share stuff like this but I read an article about daddy daughter enmeshment n emotional incest, how it links with narcissism.
I am trying to gain closure as I have left my marriage and gone no contact.
This article describes my ex n his daughter, 23, to a T. Very validating!
Daddys make their baby girls superstars who do no wrong, no consequences. He gets adoration from her and as marriage is work he doesn't get this type of constant adoration from his wife (it isn't natural adoration) so he gets his needs for admiration from daughter. She's a Daddys girl.
When she grows up the tables turn as she is daddys wife n daddy can't have happiness aside from her. In front of Dad's new gf or wife she will parade around near naked to stake her territory. Etc etc etc she possesses daddy now and he will always need to choose her. Etc!
So basically enmeshed n incestuous emotionally daddy n daughter are so bonded because they meet eachothers needs. There is a sexual component to the emotional bond n constant flirting n meeting of eachothers needs. Sometimes actual incest happens. Affairs start emotionally. No different with daddy n adult woman daughter.
I feel so validated! Neither my stbx or his baby daughter will ever have a normal healthy relationship.
So I THANK YOU ST wonderful ppl who care enough to be blunt and also kind with advice. You all saved me possibly years of trying to make my marriage work while fighting his daughter wife for his attention etc.
You all have helped me sooo much. I hope to be able to help someone else to understand enmeshment n emotional incest and the reality of what you as the outsider have on your plate. Once you KNOW, you can decide to stay or go. But to UNDERSTAND the psychologically sick dynamic when daddy n daughter are oh so close...abnormally.
I know for my stbx he didn't want to stop incest. His 23 yo dd didn't want to stop it. They will NEVER have real love.
Glad to be out of the abusive to me dynamic. I learned that dropping the rope n divorcing him is my best option n I feel sooo free. Life is too short, in my opinion, to waste hoping they will change. First they have to admit the enmeshment n emotional incest. Then get help etc etc. I am thinking that EVEN IF my stbx n his dd wanted to stop the enmeshment n incest that it woukd take YEARS to be able to do so.
As a wife, I would require him going zero contact with her forever. Cuz narcissists don't change. Never gonna happen.
Disclaimer...not all daddys girl relationships are enmeshed. Just speaking from my experience.
I have closure!! I didn't waste years living in this hell partly because of you all. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE ST FORUM AND WONDERFUL WISE PPL WHO CARE TO SHARE!!
I am not pro divorce but I am if daddy created a monster narc daughter...where both daddy n daughter get their fulfillment from eachother. No room for any others.
I AM FREEEEEE!!!!
I'm glad you left that
I'm glad you left that dynamic. Disgusting!
Good for you! Now you can
Good for you! Now you can love your life for you instead of an adult child and her co dependent father.
You gave yourself the best possible Christmas gift ever!
Congratulations!
Now you can look forward to new year and new life! It reminds me of the final scene in the movie, An Officer and a Gentleman "...GO GET 'EM PAULA!"
Awesome!
My case is a little different because narc bio mum convinced
The 2 sd's who were 17 & 7 to end contact with daddy for over 5.5 yrs. eldest sd who is 25 now, went to uni to study her dad's exact business degree and major expecting a special response but there was none. That major requires alot of independence, initiative and going above and beyond, something any of my 3 skids lack
bio mum had no respect for marriage, other married couples boundaries and promoted sd into wife/mother status by palming off youngest sd to eldest sd to care for, hubby didn't know this ad they disappeared and with bio mums crazy brothers and dad who were police officers threatening to shoot or stab hubby to death, he didn't want to put himself in danger because skids didn't know about the threats, bio mums family hid that away and made my husband to be the bad guy.
when sd's found out we were married and had kids, bio mum claimed daddy and me were christians and not of their religion (all lies) and when sd's questioned bio mum the inconsistencies she claimed she was a born again religious woman
then sd25 demanded to daddy i make myself available or bio mum wouldn't let them meet daddy if I weren't present because he was a bad man and had done voodoo blackmagic (absolute nonsense), 3 visits in of sd's then 23 & 13 behaving as miniwives, ranting on non stop about bio mum and stepdad, disrespecting me, doing inappropriate things to my kids, banging on our bedroom door early morning for no reason or emergency than just to prevent daddy having intimate time with me, i had enough
there is no future in me ever wanting to be around them.
at first when i mentioned miniwives hubby just looked grossed out because he has no intimate feeling for his daughter, then reality hit that actually his daughter's were trying to make me # 3 in the hierarchy and sd25 was alpha female.
hubby 1 yr ago met eldest sd and told her off, she was never to answer me back and make executive decisions regarding my kids as i was the main parent and the resident expert and hubby 100% sided with me on all decisions kids related.
if i tell sd's don't do that as its inappropriate, stop it. Sd's tried to claim "sorry if we did anything wrong etc" they have sulked ever since. I have not seen them in over 2 yrs and not being around them is great, there is no info about us they can pass to bio mum like what we wore, what we did, where we went, what we spoke.
taking that controlaway from them is amazing. When they found out daddy offloaded a huge chunk of his retirement money to buy a home, they claimed it was daddys money so he could do whatever he wanted but then went no contact for a year
watch 'eat pray love' movie!
After I left the Narc in March after watching him and DaughterWife display their sickness in the 43 days I lived under the same roof, my friend kept bugging me to watch the movie "Eat Pray Love" and I finally watched it and it was so gooood!
This is the first Christmas since 2014 where I do not DREAD being in the same room with the Narc and his ungrateful entitled spawn...DaughterWife (24 yrs old emotional and sexual incest) and the other one, the one that hates him and won't allow him to even touch her (she's 21 now).
I am now prepared to see any one of them, or the BioHo mom who lives not far from me, out in public. I'll give them that evil Grinch grin! Yep!
Stay NO CONTACT and work on your healing through various resources...you'll get your happy back!!
watch 'eat pray love' movie!
After I left the Narc in March after watching him and DaughterWife display their sickness in the 43 days I lived under the same roof, my friend kept bugging me to watch the movie "Eat Pray Love" and I finally watched it and it was so gooood!
This is the first Christmas since 2014 where I do not DREAD being in the same room with the Narc and his ungrateful entitled spawn...DaughterWife (24 yrs old emotional and sexual incest) and the other one, the one that hates him and won't allow him to even touch her (she's 21 now).
I am now prepared to see any one of them, or the BioHo mom who lives not far from me, out in public. I'll give them that evil Grinch grin! Yep!
Stay NO CONTACT and work on your healing through various resources...you'll get your happy back!!
Ty Olivia
Sounds like we lived similar nightmares...I am glad you got out quickly...I think I was in denial or still in my codependent fux it mode. 8 months was too long.
I am enjoying feeling free n peaceful. Seeking counseling to help learn to obey my red flag warnings sooner, like on the first date lol. I will never everrr daye a man who has children. Nope.
Keep healing!!
Rock on witcha bad self, OP!
Rock on witcha bad self, OP! Each soul saved from that poo is both validating and a blessing. Isn't it crazy that so few people know about this?
I'd never heard of emotional incest/enmeshment until StepTalk, and then the lightbulb went off. I always knew there was something different about my DH's family, but TBH there were so many layers of dysfunction it was easy to blame other issues (divorce, addiction, childcentric beliefs, etc) for the weird feeling I got.
My DH grew up with a dad who was enmeshed with DH's sisters, and later the granddaughters. I'm three decades in now, and the damage the dynamic caused is manifest. The ONLY person who benefited was my FIL; DH, his sisters, and their offspring are all damaged as a result. The emotional neglect, rejection, and modeling that females were more important and not accountable deeply affected my DH.
Enmeshment/EI is such an insidious, pervasive type of dysfunction, and the odds of changing the dynamic so low that I would advise anyone who encounters it to run fast and far.
AMEN
You know it!! I agree RUN FAST AND FAR
Jojo
I'm with you. I left my STBX and his mini wife. Its a mindf*ck trying to understand and figure out. You dont realize how absurd the sickness is until you leave.
Have the merriest of merry christmas ever no more watching your DH kiss the ass of the spoiled SD.
LIBERATING