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My daughter 9 and her step mom are having some problems which I feel is understandable and part of life. The issue is I feel I have to step in once and a while to tell the both of them to stop bickering. My wife gets upset because she feels I am not sticking up for my daughter.
I feel they are both childish and just love to hear themselves talk. Dare I say that Hell no.
My wife is not a fan of my daughters personality which is so far south from her step moms.... but bang on to her bio mom. Could this be the underlying issue?
I hope you don't "tell both
I hope you don't "tell both of them to stop bickering" all at once :sick:
You need to sit down with your wife and find out EXACTLY what is going on. If your wife doesn't like your daughter's personality, then you have to big problem. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't like your kid and makes it super obvious?
If, and I suspect it from what little you've said, your wife doesn't like your daughter's BEHAVIOR, then you need need to really look at how your daughter behaves. I already see a big red flag in that you're allowing her to talk back to an adult in your home. Figure out ground rules for your daughter and enforce them. You are not doing her any favors by not giving her rules or discipline, or allowing her to think she's on a level with your wife. She's a child and should be treated as such.
Ultimately, you caused the problems with your wife and daughter, and it's your responsibility to fix them. Treating your wife like she's on the same level as your daughter by scolding her like a child is throwing gasoline on the fire. It makes your wife feel powerless, your daughter thinks she's in control, and you will never have a happy home.
Man up, grow a pair, stand up to your daughter. The way you're handling this now is making everyone miserable.
Wait. Who is your wife? the
Wait. Who is your wife? the mother of the child? Then why does she have a stepmother if you are married to her mother?
Or did you make a "Freudian" slip and refer to your ex-wife as your wife? If so, that is your problem right there. You have not made a clear division between households and to which house you belong.
Do NOT tell your wife to "stop bickering" with a child. Your wife is an adult. The kid needs to treat her as such but never will if you keep treating your wife like a child i.e. on the same level as a 9 year old.
If your wife is truly awful to your kid then and only then should your ex-wife be involved at all. And if it's true she's awful, why on earth are you married to her?
So, to answer your question, the "underlying issue" is you.
I'm thinking wife = step mom
I'm thinking wife = step mom in this post? It's definitely not clear though.... Maybe he meant ex-wife when he said "my wife gets upset because she feels I am not sticking up for my daughter."
You might be right Stacey.
You might be right Stacey. Maybe he meant "My wife gets upset because she feels I am sticking up for my daughter."
What I figured he meant was
What I figured he meant was that the child's mother, his ex-wife, gets on his case for not sticking up for his daughter in conflicts with his wife, the stepmother. And that's where his problem is. BM is all over his boundaries, SD is all over his boundaries, SM is just fighting for her life and OP is entangled with all these others and throwing SM under the bus. Fellow doesn't know who he's married to nor to whom he is a father.