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Dinner with SO and his daughter last week

LilyBelle's picture

Hey Guys,
Last week was crazy... haven't had a chance to get on here.

Thanks so much for the suggestions about dinner last week.

I think it went as well as could be expected.

I did some "posturing"... I had SO meet me and DD at our hotel, and the three of us met his daughter at the restaurant. We arrived first, got a booth...... SO and I on one side, daughters on the other.

When his daughter arrived, she was clearly nervous. Dinner was cordial, nice conversation. His daughter and my daughter share interest in some of the same books and movies.

One very interesting thing was his daughter's facial expressions and body language. Her mannerism is very immature... my daughter said "It's weird that she's 29, by her clothes and the way she talks and moves I would've guessed she was maybe 15."

The part I found interesting was watching his daughter's face as she watched her dad and my daughter talk. My daughter is very fond of him, hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks, and had a lot that she wanted to tell him..... so she started telling him jokes she played on her brother, conversations she had, how she did on a test, and the general good willed jabbing that they do with each other.... I could tell it hit his daughter really hard to see that he has a real relationship, not only with me, but with my kids, that we really know him and he knows us. I don't think she's ever seen him closely connected with anyone other than family.

After dinner, he went back and hung out with me and DD for a while... his daughter called in a few minutes to ask him "what did Lily think?" He answered, well, we really haven't talked about you. It was just dinner. He didn't stay on the phone with her very long.

He explained to me that she was really nervous about the dinner because he had talked with her about her behavior and that it was unacceptable.

The fact that she was nervous helps me believe that he addressed it with her.

So, we have about 2 weeks left of our time apart from each other. He has told me we need to set aside some time to talk, that he's been doing a lot of thinking, and needs to tell me some things. So, we'll see what he has to say.

Poodle's picture

That sounds like it really went well. The fact that she would appear to have felt somewhat threatened by your daughter and not you is totally healthy. Makes clear what generations are involved. Great to hear it is being dealt with in such an open way and I have my fingers crossed.

LilyBelle's picture

Thanks for all your support.

Poodle, I'm working on a list of questions that I will need to understand before making a commitment in this situation, and I'm gonna post it and ask for feedback and suggestions from the folks here who have already been there.

This can be part of our per-marital counseling, if we get to that point.