I just want to leave and not come back.
So the saga continues. Today was the deadline for 22yo SS to move out of the house. Precious prince gets up at 11:45. I asked him if he has a place to move into, he says no. I say why not we gave you 7 days to move out? Him with a smirk on his face "Well sometimes you have to tell me things multiple times. Besides you have married my father and it is your responsibility to take care of his 20 year old child. That's what families do bitch. Why don't you go f*ck yourself." Then he goes into my guest room and slams the door behind him.
I really wanted to hit him. It took all my self control not to be physical with him. Called his daddy at work and told him if Precious is not out of my house in 5 minutes I will call the police. So DH calls SS has a 1/2 hour conversation with him, where he is being fed watered down BS. I get even more pissed off because it does not take 1/2 hour to tell your son "Son I love you very much but you can not tell my wife to f*ck off, you are no longer welcome at my house". End of story.
This young man is obviously delusional. For starters he is 22+ and not 20 and it was a long time ago when he was a child moreover where he got that I or anybody was responsible to take care of him at 22 is a mistery to me. But bottom line he is OUT of my house, how long it remains to be seen. DH agrees with me at the present moment, however as the day winds down, and his guilt feelings flare, his tone will be changing accordingly. Most certainly I will be made to feel guilty for "creating" a situation.
I hate this family dynamic and are fed up with it to the max. This daily drama is making me physically sick I just want to leave, and not come back.
if he left anything behind,
if he left anything behind, busy yourself with boxing/bagging it up and take it out of your house... put it in the garage on the porch wherever...
AND i don't know if he has a set of keys or not, but i would change the locks for good measure anyway..
also, you may want to look into a restraining order for this sociopath....... i'm glad he's out, but concerned for your safety!
SS actually said that it was
SS actually said that it was your responsibility to take care of him and he called you a bitch?
SS needs to get out now. If DH does not support you - I think that you should leave. Do you have someone that you can stay with until this is resolved?
Oh, I would SO wait it out.
Oh, I would SO wait it out. Wait for this "Precious Prince" to leave the house (he has to at some point). And when he does, have a locksmith on emergency standby and ready to go- they do this sort of thing all the time- I did it with my ex.
And change the locks ASAP. And then box up EVERYTHING of his and toss it on the front on the driveway.
Then tell your DH that if his precious prince EVER speaks to you like that again, he won't know what trouble is!
And then have DH call his Precious Prince and tell him that if there is ANY trouble whatsoever, the cops WILL be called immediately.
HOW DARE HE treat you with such callous disrespect! And how dare your DH ALLOW it?!
And if DH Balks, tell him that HIS crap will be the NEXT stuff to end up at the end of the driveway! Sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand. And some young PUNK calling me a BITCH and telling me to go F myself would be just that line.
Yeah! What she said!!
Yeah! What she said!! (now4teens)
You need to walk out if it's
You need to walk out if it's DH's house, and kick them both out if it's yours. There's no way you should EVER have to live with anyone telling you to f%^k off in your own home, ever. For damned sure not a parasitic kid who has no job.
If your husband were half a man he would have hung up the phone, driven home, and beaten that kid within an inch of his life.
I'd leave and tell him I'll be home when the kid is gone. Sorry. That's just the way it goes. I know that sounds hardass and really ridiculous, but calling you a b!tc6 and telling you to f%^k off is so far past the line of acceptable it makes me grind my teeth.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. At this point it's your husband's fault and he needs to man up and do something SERIOUS about it.
cyber ~~ did you say anything
cyber ~~ did you say anything to ss after his bs or just call dh? i ask b/c after the more i think about this i would have for sure went off on the little fuck and i would have probably ended up with a black eye or worse, but ss would be in jail...... oh my, i am super scared for you, this kid sounds very dangerous...
I just walked away picked up
I just walked away picked up the phone and called DH told him that he needs to get his kid out of I will call the police. I am terrified myself that this budding psychopath will slaughter me one day. The more I playback the words that came out of his mouth the more I understand how twisted his head is. I am scared he will do something to my cats or me.
THANK YOU ALL, so much for
THANK YOU ALL, so much for your kind and caring words. It means a lot to know someone understand you. Your support means so much to me. Thank you.
how is dh since he got home?
how is dh since he got home? is he still on your side? are you changing locks tomorrow?
How did your DH ever let it
How did your DH ever let it get to this? First time his kid called me anything he'd be out the door and so would DH!
I would imagine your DH
I would imagine your DH probably doesn't believe the situation is as bad as it is and assume your SS does not behave this way in front of your DH. While SS's words are certainly disturbing and highly disrespectful, unless he has shown a history or pattern of physical violence, or unless his words are an actual threat, "I am going to hurt/kill you." I don't think the police would really be able to do anything. If SS is a legal resident in the home, and if your DH affirms that, I don't think the police can drag him out. Changing locks, kicking him out, etc. will only work if your DH goes along with it and does not give him a new key or lets him back in. Do you think DH is strong enough to hold the line, in that case? Sounds doubtful to me ...
Rather than leave my own home, there are other options. If you have a camera or cell phone with video features, keep it handy and turn it on when speaking with SS - even if you can only catch the audio portion. That way, DH can hear for himself how bad-mouthed this punk is or at the very least, SS might be very reluctant to press your buttons and smartmouth you when he is being recorded. He might start avoiding you completely and may ultimately decide living elsewhere is a better idea than having his daily actions recorded!
If upon hearing such clear evidence your DH does not then kick this kid out, then I would say you really don't stand much of a chance and you have to face the reality about the state of your "marriage" and how low a priority you are in your DH's life. If that winds up being the case, then the next call I would make would be to a divorce lawyer.
Cyberwoman, I worried about
Cyberwoman, I worried about you all night last night. How are things now? Did your DH take any action? You should not have to live like this.
My SS was bad but he wasn't
My SS was bad but he wasn't this bad, I'd change the locks. I'd also think about getting a cam for the door to see who is coming in and out.
Good morning all, thanks for
Good morning all, thanks for your care and concerns. I came home yesterday late afternoon, DH was out with friends came home later in the evening and he was obvously intoxicated. He said he was sorry about what happened but was in no mood to talk. I saw no reason to talk to him then, so this morning he said but two sentences to me. He is very polite but certainly giving me the cold shoulder. I had a feeling it will go this way and I will be viewed as the source of the problem because Precious could NOT BE POSSIBLY the source of anything negative in his life. It happened in the past when SS called me an a**hole, when DH was told about it his response was "you should not have picked a fight with him". It is impossible to be rational with someone who is in denial.
Talked to both my mother and best friend yesterday who are terrified for me. They both knwo SS and are concerned for his mental state and what he would do when the sun goes down. I am looking over my shoulder when crossing the parking lot.
So sad.
Time to cut your losses, if
Time to cut your losses, if my husband were to choose to go out drinking instead of taking care of the family issues, he wouldnt have a family to issue about!
This reminds me of a friend I
This reminds me of a friend I have. We were on a trip to Chicago, and I was in his hotel room with him, his 15 year old and his 23 year old. I had a hot fresh Grande Starbucks. I was sitting on the ledge of the window with my Stabucks beside me.
the kids start beating each other with pillows. Then they start throwing them. One comes hurtling across the room at me and knocks over my coffee.
My buddy immediately screams "why the hell wasn't there a lid on your coffee?"
I replied that there was. Then he yells "Well what the hell kind of place for that is a cup of coffee. You should have been more careful."
My reply was "no your kids should be more careful and not be throwing pillows around a hotel room, and you should stop trying to find anyone BUT your kids to blame when they screw up."
Sounds like you're in a similar situation. That kid could punch you in the mouth and your husband will ask, "what did you say to provoke him?"
No way to change that sort of attitude except getting rid of one or both of them.
i loved my trip to chicago
i loved my trip to chicago and sitting on the window ledge.... that was long ago, no skids, no dh, just a guy who worshipped me and i adored him ~~ we had the best time........ however, when it didn't work out, he mailed me a box full of ashes --- apparently all of our letters and pictures together.... EEK! i still have my photos (pretty sure just the ones of me) and it takes me back to a happy place when i was a spring chicken!
My ex took all my letters
My ex took all my letters FROM her and tore them to pieces. It's one thing to take away your future, and your present, but to take away your past, that's just wrong. I still have all of those letters, torn to shreds, in an envelope.
I live this scenarious out
I live this scenarious out every day I am at home with skids. DH never blames them, always me. Me me me. "I should not have taken the bait" "Whose the adult" "Can't you just go workout?" And the threats coming out once one kid is pissed -- threatens to have his pit bull dog rip off my face, will punt my grandpuppy chihuahua like a football & how funny will that be huh..
Tells his Dad to get F'ed and other sassy responses. Nothing happens - he rather ignore & continue watching TV (esp. golf). And with twins, one blames the other one and neither is guilty due to the chaos.
OMG ~~ i would terrorize that
OMG ~~ i would terrorize that child if he threatened my kitty or my face..... i wouldn't beat him and leave marks..... but i would put the fear of starfish in his little head!
but you can piss on jelly
but you can piss on jelly fish stings and the pain goes away.. }:)
It is good for jellyfish
It is good for jellyfish stings. When I lived on the coast I had to do it once or twice. Gross but effective. Don't know about snakes and I seriously doubt it about the cancer. Urea is toxic at even small levels.
Ghandi used to drink a cup of his own urine every morning, and that's why I don't pay much attention to anything he had to say
Cut your losses. I am a
Cut your losses. I am a "MAN," and your DH (what DOES that stand for?) needs to MAN UP. Unfortunately for him, it is not YOUR job to help EITHER he OR his adult son to grow up.
Get out--find your own peace. Maybe someday you can find someone who will back you up. That is the very FIRST rule of my marriage--have each other's backs.
Girlfriend, you need to stand
Girlfriend, you need to stand up to H and SS and let them both know that you will not tolerate being talked to that way! My 25 YO SD has verbally abused me periodically over the 13 years of my marriage. H always backs me up but eventually things get smoothed over and the cycle repeats itself.
I actually have 3 adult SDs who all have mental health issues (in my opinion). BM is bipolar and I suspect at least one of the SDs is as well. I've been begging them to get professional help for years. They refuse ... say i'm the one with all the problems.
Anyway, after a big blow up a few weeks ago over something very trivial, I told my wonderful H that I was divorcing all 3 SDs. I'm tired of the back-stabbing, ganging up on me, verbal abuse (yes, i've been called a F-ing Bitch on several occasions), etc.
Where did I find the strength? This forum. You all have given me the strength to take my life back. Fortunately, H is supporting me (for now). We'll see how that goes as the holidays get close and the grandkids start calling. And if he didn't back me up ... i'd kick his ass to the curb!