I kept my cool when SS20 totaled our vehicle
Just need to vent & some advice. So last week I kept my cool when SS20 almost hit me head on on Tuesday and I kept my cool after he totaled our truck on Friday.... Last night I go out to dinner with my husband and as usual SS20 and his girlfriend are playing house in our home while we are out. I talked with my BD17 before I left, asking her if she would be ok while I was gone. (the same thing happened last weekend, she had no plans, to go anywhere, I wish she did I hate her having to be here in this nightmare.) She told me she would be fine. I promised her there would be no fighting with my husband again. Well I am out having a few drinks with my husband before we have dinner and I get a text message from my daughter, she is asking my do I know how long SS20 & his girlfriend are going to be here..(my SS20 has no rules about anything my SD17 knows this and she knows I could not give her an answer) I ask her what is the problem? I talked to her before I left and she seemed fine, she tells me that they are now downstairs taking over the house. My husband mean while is acting very irritated that I am texting with her..he asks me what is the problem, I tell him, knowing he will do nothing about it and just get pissed off at me. He asks me how are they bothering her if they are in his room, I tell him they are no longer in the room they are playing house downstairs cooking food etc..My husbands proceeds to get very pissed off at me and asks me, what is she mad because her boyfriend cant come over? (i do dislike her boyfriend very much and he has not been able to come over to our house, my husband hates her boyfriend) So my husband tells me tell her we are at dinner and she needs to stop bothering you, I am trying to have a nice dinner with my wife.. I decided to go outside, smoke and let her know I needed her to stop that my husband was getting mad, that i did not want to get in a fight with anyone & her and I just needed to get through this together the best way we could...She texts me later with a response, I go into the rest room and respond to her. At one point my husband starts talking about SS20 and I tell him, please lets not talk about that right now, (he is a very touchy subject for me) I did not want to get upset, well he seemed to get pissed off at me about that.. We have our dinner, I never once checked my phone while we were eating, when we are done, my husband goes to the restroom and I check phone while he is gone, I responding to my daughter when he returns..he goes off on me, he was raising his voice and I told him to please stop that this was unnecessary that I was not being rude to him, i was responding when he was not there. He told me I was embarrassed him by texting to my daughter while we were out eating dinner. I got upset, frustrated, I just did not know how to defuse this situation so I told him, I am going to wait outside for you. I tried hard to talk about something else in the car on the way home, to just change the mood..Then when we are almost home, my daughter starts calling me and blowing up my phone, at that point I told my husband i did not want to go home, could we go to a hotel? My daughter is crying and screaming at me about how could I leave her home for 4 hours?? I tried again to change the subject and the mood, I told my husband how much I cared about him in a text message he responded with ok, I responded with how can you treat me this way when I am pouring my heart out to you? He responds with go find yourself someplace to live that takes cats, get out I am done with you, I will hire someone to do your job at our business, at that point I told my husband that if SS20 can have his girlfriend come and go then my BD17 can now have her boyfriend at out house too ..My daughter proceeded to rip up the very nice Christmas card she gave to me and left it on my floor to see...I am so sorry that is so long, I just don't know what to do anymore and I needed to vent. If anyone has any advice, please share with me, I know I need to get out of this place, but I can't afford to right now..Maybe advice on how to get through this while I am stuck here..I cant tell you the pain I am feeling from all the people around me hurting me, that supposedly care about me.. Last weekend was almost the same, that is why I started posting here.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your response I appreciate any advice given to me..I hope that you read my previous post from me -trapped in my own home-, (i am new to this and I don't know if people read previous posts) it explains my situation with my SS20 and my husband. I also was trying to point out that I did not lose it on my husband when SS20 almost hit me head on last tuesday and totaled our vehicle on friday, I was there for him, when he needed support from me, I did not throw it in his face..this is the 2ond vehicle SS20 has destroyed of ours, he has ran over a police officer fleeing the scene of a crime, he was shooting and selling heroin in my home, he runs our house, not my husband. I do not make any excuses for my daughter's behavior, she is absolutely out of control, but she did not want to be here with them, and I understand that and I was trying to be strong for her while I was out, because I understand how she feels. I myself feel like a stranger in my own home. I wish I had somewhere to go, but I don't and neither does my daughter. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me.
I am sorry, I am a very
I am sorry, I am a very sensitive person, he was not yelling loudly at me, he was raising his voice to me and other people could hear him. And yes i did walk out. Yes SS20 lives with us,I am new to this and I did not want to repeat myself. My first post is trapped in my home. That explains my situation with my SS20 and my husband.
I agree with Whimsey - your
I agree with Whimsey - your daughter is acting like a two year old. She needs consequences for being so immature. I can't blame your husband for being irritated at what is supposed to be a relaxing dinner. When you go out to dinner, turn the phone off. But I don't not think what you did warrants DH threatening you like that and ordering you to get out. Pretty low. Why is your daughter still living at home? If she is not going to school she needs to find a job and get on with her life elsewhere - same for SS. No one you are presently living with is respecting you. Save your money in a 'private' account for a possible break from this crazy situation.
Soory - I misunderstood.
Soory - I misunderstood. Your Daughter is 17 - so now I see why she is still at home. Still, she is acting very immature for 17 years old.
SS20 lives with us does not
SS20 lives with us does not pay for any bills, yet hes always broke, does not pay for car anything, does not pick up after himself and his girlfriend when they cook, nothing is put away, the trash can is overflowing with trash on the floor, eats everything he sees, has broken every single rule since he moved back in with us six months ago, he is disrespectful towards me, my daughter and especially my husband. He totaled a truck that was given to him to use when he moved back into our house last friday, its his second vehicle he has ruined. I have no problem at all with people in the house, having friends over that fine it does not bother me at all, but when hes girlfriend shows up on a sunday at 8am and does not leave until after 6pm I have a problem with that. I work every day m-f, i leave my house at 7am and I don't get home unitil 5-6pm, my drive to work is an hour there and an hour back, I have a full house to take care of and clean in the mist of all of this, I have 2 dogs that I worry about and that I need to take care of and two cats (they don't really count but they are here
) I am the person who pays all of our bills, for our business and our home, whether the money is there or not, I am under so much stress, I just would like to be able to relax in my own home on the weekend..not to wonder, um is she going to be here until 10 or 11 tonight..I feel pretty strange going to my own bedroom in my pajams at 9:00 with someone I don't even know in the house. I have a daughter to get through high school, she is not perfect and she is out of control right now, but I highly doubt that she enjoys listening to my SS20 having sex with his girlfriend next to her bedroom, my BD17 did not ask for this. My daughter has had only 2 cs on her final grades in her last 3 and half years of high school, has barely missed any school. my SS20 missed 19 days of his senior year and his father excused everyone of those days he did not feel like going to school and he wanted to sleep at home instead. And yes she is trying to control me and hurt me, she does not want to be here anymore, I don't blame her, why should she have rules and have consequences for her actions while her SS20 just does what he wants and gets away with it. Go total our vehicle son its ok, I will just buy you another even though I can't pay my mortgage, no big deal, the first truck was one of our mortgage payments & we are only two months behind! My SS20 gets away with everything. I am not making excuses for her but maybe this answered your question as to why she is acting this way. I am sorry if I came across as rude, I just feel the need to explain and defend some of the actions of myself and my daughter.
Thank you for your advice, I
Thank you for your advice, I know that is what needs to happen, I am afraid of where its going to go. I know my husband will not budge and I just don't think its fair that my daughter has rules (which I put into place) and his son has none. We just don't see eye to eye on this and its tearing our marriage apart. Its really sad. You hit it on the spot about SS20, my BD17 and myself. Thank you for all your advice!
Sorry, i hit this twice!
Sorry, i hit this twice!
I've read your previous blogs
I've read your previous blogs and your SS20 is a loser. I love how he only ventured out when the only other person home was a teenage girl. I'm sure if she had come out, he wouldn't tried to order her around to seem like an adult for his gf. :sick:
What surprised me about your post was how your daughter was manipulating you. At 17, she should know better then to be that much of a nuisance. I kinda agree with your husband, that there was no reason to be on the phone with her throughout your dinner date. It was only 4 hours, and I'm sure she had the opportunity to go elsewhere if she choose to during that time you'd be gone.
Give her a stern talking to with your husband present so he can understand that you will not tolerate the rudeness from your daughter. If she ever asks, why do I have so many rules and SS doesn't. Well I want you to move out and be self-sufficient when you come of age- if youd rather be a bum-tell me now so I can prepare to kick you out when you turn 18.
Additionally, your husband was definately an ass for saying those things. I hope he is the type to get upset and say things he doesnt mean and then has remorse once hes cooled down. Otherwise, you may want to decide if you want to stay in that type of relationship.