Hi I am new here, I have lurked a lot since I have been going through my situation for 12 years now..I am so frustrated and upset I honestly don't even know where to start..
I have a 20 year old stepson who has moved back and forth between his mother and father numerous times, usually its when he gets into trouble and the parent he is living with has cut him off (taken car away etc.)He will go back to the other parent, in my husbands case it was that he needed to stop doing drugs. The last incident was with him moving into his grandmothers because I knew he was selling and doing drugs in our house (I had proof of all of this and my husband pretty much still did not believe me) Needless to stay my husband knew I was no longer going to stay in our home with my daughter (16 at the time. He has wreaked one of our vehicles twice, wreaked his mothers vehicle (cops shooting bullets into it) after he ran over a police offers foot and ran. He was stealing things from our home, stole many things from his mothers home, and finally when he moved with his grandmother last winter, so he could go to boot camp (this is what I was told) He stole her jewelry her money and who know what else..He also stole hundreds of dollars worth of tools from one of his friends parents house that he/his dad has known for years. When he was in his senior year of high school he had a girlfriend and she basically moved into our home, no one asked it this was ok she just did it & my husband allowed it against my wishes..I have a daughter and her boyfriend is not allowed to spend the night in my home, so all of this is going on in front of my daugther, the drugs, the stealing, the lying, and his girlfriend living here in our home my stepson and her waiting for me to finish cooking dinner every night. It was after all of that, that he was told to go in the army by his father, he has no real skills since he was high on drugs though high school and his father did not know what to do..So back grandmas house, there is a big family ho down and my husband now has to confront what I told him all along (mind you I have been told he is going into the army in September of last year) and that he will not be moving back into our home until he has become a better person. So dad brings him to the hospital and says get help, don't call me until you do. Fast forward, he has no where to go, his mother will not let him live in her home anymore (she does not get her 2,000.00 per month alimony and child support) So he goes in the hospital and is out in 3 weeks , the military has discharged him, due to the fact that he lied..Come to find out it was not just pills he was popping he was shooting heroin. He has no where to go at all so he comes back here and I honestly want to give him a chance. We sat down my husband, my daughter, myself and my stepson he was given a list of rules that he had to abide by. His father opened him up a bank account and told him not to touch the 100.00 that was used to open it..in about two weeks time he was driving our truck that we had just bought and was basically one of our mortgage payments and my husband told me that he did not by truck for his son that he would be driving one of our older cars,,NOPE, turns out that car needs work and guess what? My husband is a mechanic.. Anyway so he finds himself a job (he never had a real one he was always working under the table) So I am happy that he has done this and it looks like maybe things are going to be ok. I tell my husband that I do not want our truck away from the house overnight and my husband is fine with that..Well my stepson starts paying his part of the car insurance (its sky high because of running over the cop and fleeing the sceen and speeding tickets he got while he lived with his mother) I glad to see this happening too, I then tell my husband because I feel as if his son is taking on responsibly that he can take the truck over night.I got two car insurance payments and that was it I have never seen another penny. The bank account that his father opened he has drained it down to 36 cents even though his father told him not to touch the 100.00.. When he first started dating the girl he was seeing, we never saw him ever, he would not come home for 2 weeks at a time and if he did it was to do his 50 loads of laundry..now suddenly he is here after 3 months of not being here and my feeling used for our washer and dryer he is here 24/7 and so is his girlfriend, I was actually asked around christmas time if she could spend the night on the couch,,,I SAID NO. So now as soon as my stepson is off work she is here, she is here all weekend long from 9am to when ever..He lies to his father if he leaves with her for the night and says he is spending the night at her house, but yet they are both back here at 9am. I found out two weeks ago he wreaked the new truck, he lied to his father and said someone hit him but it is pretty obvious that he did something to it. He calls pawn shops on a regular basis, calls check cashing places all the time, we have change missing from our change jar, he told his girlfriends cousin (who goes to school with my daughter) that he thinks she is weird and strange. Every single rule that was placed for him, he has broken except keeping a job. My husband does nothing and just lets him do what he wants, he told him not to lie to anyone when he came back here to live and that's all he does is lie and my husband believes him and does nothing about it.. All my husband and I do is fight about him..I can't leave I have no money, my husband and I opened a business a little over a year ago and I work for him, I was a housewife for 7 years before that. I have let myself and my daughter get trapped in this nightmare of a home.
I am sorry this is sooooo long, I would be surprised if it gets read! I have so much hurt, frustration and disappointment in my life. All of the lies and broken promises..
I just don't understand why my husband allows all of these things to go on when he knows that it is not right. My husband buys them dinner and lunch when they are here, he works on the girlfriends car for free and cleans up after them.
I am so confused...and at my wits end.