Say it. I would.

Make it clear that everything will go to the survivor them be split between the kids/skids.  We have it easy, we have one kid (my Skid who I adopted) so upon my demise (I'm 12yrs the elder) it all goes to DW and upon her demise it all goes to SS.  We locked it up in trust until SS is either 40 or finishes a Bachelor's degree from an accredited college/university. We did this to keep the SpermClan's grubby mitts off of it and to parent a bit from beyond the grave if neccessary.  He has less than 7yrs left until he reaches full military retirement.  We would consider ammending our Will for it to all go to him once he reaches full retirement qualification. But, he will have only a bit more than a year to go until he hits 40 when that happens.  So, he may be on his own dime until he is 40 if we kick after he retired but before he turns 40.  Not changing the Will for 16mos.

A 401k follows federal rules. . If you're married, your primary beneficiary is presumed to be your spouse unless you specify otherwise and your spouse agrees in writing.

I believe Indiana abolished dower rights. So DH would have to give you specific rights to stay in the house in his will.

Exjuliemccoy gave excellent advice about two appointments. Knowledge is power. Get knowledge before you go with DH. 

First off, check to see how the house is deeded. A married couple USUALLY owns the house WITH survivorship rights. He can't circumvent that with his will if the house is deeded as joint tenancy with survivorship.

Secondly, HALF of the value of the house is YOURS. And if he rips up his will, his kid would only be entitled to HALF of his HALF, not a full half. In that case, I would take out a life insurance policy on him so that you can pay his kid half of his half of the value of your house.

Next, in most states, retirement account contributions made DURING the marriage count as marital assets. In my state, when I had my now XH2 sign a post nuptial agreement (because he was a greedy, selfish a-hole) to waive any rights to my retirement account, he had to sign a document agreeing to allow to make my 3 children the beneficiaries of my retirement (and none to him). If you haven't signed away your rights to his retirement account, it should be yours when he dies.

Don't sign anything he puts in front of you!!

Take the great advice and go see an estate attorney to figure out what your rights are. Then let him come with you to find out for himself.

If he wants his kid to get something, he can set up a trust for his or he can get a life insurance policy on himself that has his child as the beneficiary.

Don't be afraid to play the victim a little, because I'm sure his daughters are. " Oh dear, losing you would be so awful. I don't know how I'd go on without you. How awful it would be to be put out on the street AND lose you." etc etc.
 

Take a page from Anna Nicole .... put that voice recorder in your "rosebuds" and sweet talk him into it 

I would tell him that if  he gives half the home to his daughters NOW.. that the reality is that you will be out of a home.  Is that what he wants?  If he wants to ensure that his daughters ultimately get a share of the home.. that can be legally arranged.. you can have lifetime residential rights to the home but it has to be set up properly by an attorney.. I think that you would be best off trying to do some sort of consult.. even if it is a JOINT consult where you can ask your questions.  you aren't trying to cheat his daughters.. but you need to protect YOUR interests as well.

There has got to be a way that you are able to spend a few hours out of the house. There are attorneys who likely do Zoom or Team meetings as well if you can find some privacy in your home. 

It's not overprotective, it is controlling.

You need to take some time for yourself and let him get upset if he wants to. You have to be willing to put up with him being mad or having a tantrum to protect yourself.

Make an in person appointment and have a friend pick you up for "lunch".  You need to determine what your rights are.  I fully understand you being scared.  I'm scared for you:-(

Unless the ex-wife is still living.  She may have claims to his SS too.

"I'm sure you will find some way to manage. 

And so will his kids. I'm assuming they are self-supporting, now?

But really, what an ass to not have any concern about you after he passes.

 I should start saving to make up the difference! 

Oh, I would start saving, alright. I would open up an account in my name only and sock away as much of HIS money as I could.

Like others have stated, double check on the deed to the house, more than likely it's all yours upon his passing and he can't change that without your agreement.

Same with a 401(k). Unless you sign in agreement, he cannot pass that to anyone else.

If bank accounts are in both names, those accounts are yours upon his death.

Basically, from my understanding, if he tears up his will, it only affects anything that is in his name only, that he hasn't designated a beneficiary for. 

So, I would not argue with him about this, it's not worth it. If you want to appease him, Indiana does have beneficiary deeds. You can do a Transfer of Death affidavit, leaving the house to his daughter and/or whomever (after you both pass), and file it with the county's recorder office. This can be changed at anytime, so you could change it after he dies, if you so desire. The house would still be yours after his death (assuming you both own it, now).

Double check everything that you've been told, here, and get the knowledge to put your fears at ease. Then stop having these discussions with him, once you know that you will be okay.

I would at this point ask him directly if that is the reason.. and that the reality is that as far as you know.. that relative's estate was not large and you would not expect that you will end up with much of anything.. so he shouldn't make his decisions on that pie in the sky unknown.

What he should know is that you are both older.. the ability of either of you to outearn any late in life issues is very limited.. If you do need senior care.. it's not like you can just go back to work to afford it.  

I would also remind him of the big leg up your initial investment gave both of you in buying houses.. if it were not for that initial investment.. you would not have what you do today.

And.. I would assure him that your intention would be to split your estate if he prececeases you with his children as well.. because if there is anyting left.. that is the right thing to do.  The problem now is that it's impossible to have a  crystal ball to know if , what , how much you will need. 

I think you really need to go to the lawyer.. and you also need to get a copy of your deed from your courthouse.. an dhave a lawyer tell you what it means.. it may go to you directly as currently written.  If he wants to change it.. you can refuse to sign a new deed document if it comes to that.

died and we had reciprocal wills that left everything to each other with our collective five children (3 of his, 2 mine) as back up beneficiaries if we died at the same time. That's pretty standard. But what else is standard is the inclusion of a clause that clearly states that whichever of us is the survivor we are not bound by the terms of this will. And while we did not realize the benefit to the survivor everything we owned was held jointly and so automatically passed to me at his death. Because of this his will didn't have to go through probate.

Like you, my house was nearly paid off when we married and became the seed money for our retirement. He was pretty much broke after his divorce. I didn't have any debt and a stipulation of my agreeing to marry him was he pay off his, which he did.

In my state real estate transfers to the survivor if the deed says tenants in the entirety or simply "name, name, husband and wife." My lawyer said that's pretty standard in every state.

I'm expecting his kids to contest the will because they are jerks. They have three more months to do so. Lucky me.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well for you. The main takeaway from what I have learned is that if something is jointly owned it doesn't matter what the will says. It passes to the survivor.