That's really sad. It must be painful for you to have lost that connection with people you intimately knew. I am sure I would have little interaction with my husband's family if he dies, but my circumstances are very different from yours. But I have disconnected with people I thought I intimately knew - if they are not inclined to keep a relationship, there's little you can do. I suggest trying to find new people or interests to fill the void. Humans live such long lives, it's not realistic to expect the same people to play a role for the duration. But you can find others who have voids to fill and forge fulfilling relationships with them. There are a lot of us out there looking to connect in meaningful ways. I hope they find you!

It's OK to be sad, especially on an anniversary. It doesn't mean that you haven't moved on. Maybe today, you're not making much progress, but it is a process, right? You and your husband must have been very special to make 38 years happen. That history will never go away and that's something to hold onto, but it can also be a weight on days like these.
You've been lucky to start a second chapter with someone else. Enjoy that as much as you can. It won't be the same, but it can be very good. Make the most of it. You owe it to your husband and your new partner and especially to yourself to be present and enjoy what you can in this life.
So be sad, a little nostalgic, overeat a little, spend a little more than you should, hug your dog tighter than he'd like. This wave will pass and things will look better in the morning. My mom always said that, and even though that woman is loon-ass crazy, almost always, it is true. I hope it's true for you too. Feel better

I have a similar situation. My parents, now in their mid 80s, are shunning me due to religious differences. My only younger sister is a serial narcissist with whom I NEVER got along with since the day she was born. Most people wonder if we are from the same universe never mind family.

She is CONSTANTLY taking photos of herself from "flattering angles" and trolling for male approval from her OLD boyfriends and ex-BIL (mine) as well as my first ex-husband. Oh yeah and she's on her 2nd marriage to an older sugar daddy. All she did when she went to visit my parents with DS and DIL was bitch and moan about her terrible 2nd marriage and how they are in drastic financial shape (as she spent money the whole drive up there).

Chef is not much for socializing--he has his work friends but HIS family all but sided with the Girhippo.

Relationships require actions by all parties not just 1 person.

We all go thru chapters in our lives, some lasting longer than others. Your current chapter right here, right now, sounds like a chapter that should be gently closed. Hopefully you have good memories of your step kids.

Some folks are not as fortunate.

If you want to send Christmas cards you could but if waiting to see if they call or respond is too painful...don't send them.

There are times when it is necessary to quietly say "goodbye and I wish you well".

GoodLuck

I am sorry for your pain. It is very hurtful when you feel you valued a relationship and it was deeper for you than the others involved.

You are actually going through normal steps of grieving. When you met this new man in your life and moved from the area, your adult step-family are letting you move forward. You can continue to visit them, but I would stay in contact through social media and let it take it's course. Don't expect them to feel your loss. The new man in your life will not have the social attachment with your past, that you have, don't expect him to feel he is obligated to visit your past.

I have had to deal with grief also, several years ago; my DH and stepkids were in no way understanding of my loss; therefore, they did not have the feeling of loss I experienced. I moved forward and had my private moments, including people that were involved with myself. I am now completely away from my past, even though I still feel pain from my loss at times. I never expected anyone to know my loss. I understand your feelings.

"When one door closes, another opens". This quote, I have always lived by.

(((hugs)))

i am sorry this has happened but it is clear you were never thought of as a member of the family. it is painful to come to this awakening.

i know that if dh passes before me my skids will mean nothing to me. i will perhaps see them only when they descent like vultures to have dibs on his property.