WIdowed StepMom

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I am a widow with 4 skids. I married young and raised 2 of the skids as my own children. the older 2 went to live with their Real Mother. the 2 I raised with my husband were age 4 and 7 when I started with them.
IN 2010' my husband died of luikeima, struggled 14 months. we had a 33 year good relationship. after he passed away, things changed with my skids. OF course, the usual taking household items and some personal items went on and was normal.
The problem started when my son, thought I owed him part of what his Dad and I had. I gave him things and he stayed at the house for almost a year, because he had no job. HE was also using drugs. I didn't charge him any rent and bought all the groceries and helped him with money.
after 4 years, I met a gentleman and have sold my previous home and moved to another state.
THe problem is, my son, thinks I owed him money and is very bitter to me because of this fact. I believe, in my heart, he is mad at me because e feels I own him some of what his Dad and I had. MY deceased husband and I had decided in our wills, we would leave our stuff to each other. NO matter who passed first.

Thank you and it is good to

Thank you and it is good to be able to talk here and hear how others feel...it has been hard and I feel like I lost a part of my life. I can't understand why he developed this attitude he has....I think it is all about the money.

Let him be mad, you owe him

Let him be mad, you owe him nothing.

After 33 years of marriage to

After 33 years of marriage to his Father and raising him, he wants more? You owe him nothing. But since you dedicated so much of your life to him it must be hard for you. If you still want a relationship with him offer to have open arms when he is ready. Until that time let him deal with his demons on his own. You have a new life ahead of you. Make the most of it.

First 'mistake' is you must

First 'mistake' is you must realize he is not your son. HE is his fathers and his mothers bio son.

Until he treats you with dignity and respect you should consider keeping him at a far distance. Sounds like you need time completely away from this adult kid. GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. No explanation needed.

you owe him nothing.

Sorry for your loss.

**some people dont know it is just and right to keep toxic, unpleasant, mean people out of their lives---IT is a necessity to do so Ma'am** Dont waste your life on this**

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your comments! It helps to know I'm on the right track in my thinking. And others agree with me. My sson is 50..and has had lots of good jobs.. and been married 4 times and divorced them all! My husband followed him through all this and stuck with him. I just wish I could find out what he is thinking.....

Past Life.... He's thinking

Past Life.... He's thinking people owe him. My oldest sister has married and divorced 4x. She thinks our deceased parents should have basically left her everything. She's also crazy.

Drug users will do anything,

Drug users will do anything, take anything, and hurt anyone in order to get more of their drug of choice. It's not personal...it's his problem. He's not "angry" at you, he's an addict looking for a source.

Yes, for years I didn't want

Yes, for years I didn't want to see his " maryjane" life. And I know now, a lot of his behavior was due to wanting me to help him with money in order to keep up his lifestyle. Sson liked to go to football parties, drink, "Smoke" and eat out. And all this takes money...so he had a hard time keeping up an apartment and , of course lost several of them. I was always trying to figure it out...why he had no money for bills......Now I KNOW.

Your son is way, way, way out

Your son is way, way, way out of line. You have no reason to feel guilty so don't.

My wife and I have the same set up in our Will. With the exception of a few personal items that are slotted for specific family members each of us is the others sole heir and beneficiary except upon the event of our joint demise. In which case it all goes into trust for our son (my SS-24 who I adopted two years ago) until he either turns 40yo or finishes a bachelors degree from an accredited college or university whichever occurs first. Our Will is set up to not have to be updated upon the demise of one of us as when the other goes nothing changes unless our son has finished his degree per the stipulations in the Will.

Like you I became my SKid's dad when he was young. His mom and I met and started dating when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo. I am his dad, and have been nearly his entire life. Hopefully your son extricates his head from his sphincter.

You had a long and strong relationship with your deceased husband. He has been gone for the better part of 7 years. That is more than long enough for you and the kids to have progressed entirely through the grief cycle. It is time for you to engage in a life of your own even if your son has issues with that fact.

Enjoy your life and be happy. My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your husband.

Good Luck