Way to handle it. Crazy that your DH even asked; maybe he needed you to be the Bad Cop.

Good job not inviting INSANITY into your home!

Good for you, Sammi! You kept it simple. No means no! 

And what a pos this man is, still trying to bum off his elderly parents. Pathetic.

Yay, Sammi! You're a rock. *give_rose*

54 and he still wants to live with Mommy and Daddy. lol.

That ship has sailed. He can go to a shelter or some other service for parolees.

I am hoping you won't need to keep battling this issue, but be prepared to.

Your DH's tactics to make you be the bad guy, and subsequent mopey behavior shows there may still be risk that he will allow SS in the door at some point.  I can imagine one day when SS calls DH and learns you are not at home, SS will then "conveniently" show up, sob on DH's shoulder and convince him he is a changed person.  Steel yourself for that day!

Criminals and ex-cons are masters of manipulation - especially when they've spend a long time at it like your SS has.  Your DH will be vulnerable to whatever SS spews.   

The older we get, the more we all must be cautious about who we let in our lives.  If you don't already have iron-clad financial protections, wills, advance health directives, trusts, etc. be sure to do so now.  Don't allow yourself to be in a position where your DH can fall for B.S. from his son and wind up draining all of your finances to help him out "one last time." 

Hang in there ... we are all here for you!

I cannot fathom having to continuously deal with what you have for the past 39 years. 

You are doing exactly what DH should have been doing the whole time.  He tried to abdicate his responsibilities to you and you did not allow it.  That is exactly what you should do when DH fails to man up with his toxic adult children.

Never forget to take care of  you.  No matter  how much DH pouts.

Call his parole officer and just advise him that you don't know what is going on with SS but that he has called your house wanting to come there to live and was told no.  This may cause the parole officer to look into matter and see what is going on.  He may be having BM state things to them that are not correct.  This will also alert parole officer, if SS ends up on your doorstop, that he is not welcome there.  Cover your bases!  Your DH is already sulking, let him sulk a few days longer.

Wow , that's my SD26 in the future , possibly both SDs lol

Way to go Sammi !!!!!!!!!!   You rock !!!!!!!!!!!

I follow your blogs, you are a survivor and champion to many! You just keep getting better.

Sammi, Good for you for not backing down and letting DH deliver the "No" message to SS.  You are right - you're already the bad guy, it doesn't matter if you look like the bad guy now.  You do not have to put up with DH's sulking either,  If he sulks too much remind him that he can get a place with SS and SS can watch over him like you do now.  

2tired and Second bring up a good points - prepare for the day SS tries to manipulate DH into letting him in, and contact the parole officer of SS's status with BM.  Please protect yourself.

It's kind of sad we are stuck with gutless DH's and have to handle the heavy work on our own.  Lucky for my DH I don't have to stand up for myself often - otherwise it would be a deal breaker.

I was once told by a female, she told her DH, "Yours fits inside mine, therefore I am bigger!"

It's true...what good are balls that are seemingly detachable, or that dissolve upon conflict?

Another noteworthy quote, we can all make into magnets to post on our refirgerators:"Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really want to get tough, I say grow a VAGINA! Those things can really take a pounding!'

(Sorry Rags, no offense...I thoroughly back your posts!)

HI Sammi....sorry to hear about the loss of your father....may he RIP....

Under NO circumstances ever allow your SS54 to come and stay in your home..you and your husband could be at risk!!! I WONT LET my 3 idiots (my partner's worthless adult son, his fake-pious daughter and the ill-mannered BRAT) stay in my home under any circumstances.

At your time of life, you should not be subject to stress from worthless persons...

KEEP STRONG SAMMI, WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!!!!

Hi Sammi- I will never in a million years understand why people don't learn from their mistakes and just keep repeating them over and over. How ever did YSS54 even think he might be able to use your home as a hotel?? Doesn't he know what you have been through with his older siblings, the loss of your family members and DH's very serious health problems??? And it seems DH has learned nothing either- that you have to keep teaching them these lessons over and over again??? In some ways you have to admire their persistence- but not nearly as much as I admire your firm determination not to let them run roughshod over you. Keep standing up for yourself, despite the fact you must also keep thinking-'Here they go again.'

As to your friend- I also have a close friend I have known all my life- when I was younger I was jealous of her good looks, her charm and charisma, her wit and yes, her financial situation. I always felt like her plain, ugly friend who just had to keep slogging at it to get anywhere in life.

Now, would you believe it, the tables have turned and she often tells me she is jealous of me- she looks old, has no money and a poorly paid job. Her relationship in which she used her partner is now over and she is having to beg her own siblings to help her out. I cannot get over the irony that she now sees me as 'lucky'- sometimes I want to yell at her- but you just keep making the same mistakes, and I learn from mine!!

It really does make me despair of people like this, who think there will always be something or someone there that turns up and sorts it out- just like your idiot YSS54.

I share your frustration but I applaud your tenacity and resilience. I shall certainly be interested to see how this one develops!

Good for you lady!!! You are incredible, you made him man up and not place the blame on you.  You just cannot  be afraid to confront the problem head on, you have shown us all that--in so many ways.  Just like a bad drug, sometimes you just have to say NO, what part of that some daddeees do not get, I will never understand. Enabling anybody to be rude, sorry, etc., is no sign of love or skill of any parent.

Sounds like your DH has learned who is in his court, even if he struggles with it....at least he has shown now-- that he knows; even if forced...lol.:-). You have been drug through the mud and you still come out shining like a star, because you put the accountabilty where is should be in your life.

I am so impressed at how far you have come in this sick little journey most of us share in some way or another. You have taught your DH how to treat YOU.....sooooo very proud of you and what you have taught me too.

skill...truer words may not have ever been typed. You're technically rent-a-womb, or a sperm donor if you have no parenting skills, or refuse to parent effectively, which means consequences and boundaries.

And it does sound like her Dh learned who actually has his back, just like my DH. What I don't get, is these DHs clearly see who loves, supports them and treats them with respect, but they cannot seem to break the stronghold these emotionally stunted "girls" have on them. It's the truest form of Pu**y Control, the epitome of it, the definition of it. And where does it get DH? Our counselor said, "Well, I live with my wife full-time, and you live with yours full-time, so you quickly learn to do what makes the  marriage go smoothly." I couldn't agree more, yet many of these DHs insist on spinning the drama, going back and forth with SDs and their wives.

Sammigirl, you are simply the best...I always look forward to your empowering words of wisdom.

Playing it both ways will eventually cause chaos for everyone! 

And you’re right about the vows and selective memory regardingvthem.

I think you are right; your DH is afraid of her!