SD23 is probably a Sugar Baby
From the time she was a kid, SD now 23 only ever wanted to marry a rich guy, that was literally her career goal. BM is a nurse and persuaded SD to become a nurse which is a good thing. However SD hates being a nurse but is doing labor and delivery. She is living a very comfortable life on a new nurse's salary. Renting a house in an upscale location, trips away two or three times a month. Mexico, Bahamas etc. nice expensive trips. Designer shoes, purses and clothes. There is no way she earns enough for her lifestyle. I honestly don't care what she does and rarely see her probably never will as we moved miles away. But DH brags about her. Like. All. The. Time. Maybe it is my own worry about my BD 26 who still struggles with mental health issues (although doing so much better now she is compliant with treatment and meds). SD23 was horrible to me for years, she is a clone of BM. BM is engaged to be married yet again, this will be her fourth DH. Materialistic, mean and never stays in a marriage if the guy is not spending enough on her. SD has a string of 'boyfriends' most of them in their fifties and sixties. She was asked to leave three high end restaurants as she was trawling for a rich husband, sitting at the bar for hours dressed like a hooker. DH just annoys me now with the pride he shows in her. I get he is proud of her for being a nurse, I am an ex nurse myself which is why I know there is no way her nursing income could afford her this lifestyle. I reckon she is a sugar baby and am having a hard time biting my tongue when DH brags. Any advice? Keep biting my tongue when he complains my BD didn't finish college because of her depression? BD is getting back on her feet and doing one class a semester online now. Her job doesn't pay much. Is being a sugar baby considered sex work?
Disengage
Its easy for us on ST to tell people to disengage. Its so hard when images and thoughts of this person who has caused such havoc keep flooding our brain. I think its a defense mechanism of our brain, constantly looking to make sure we can defend ourselves.
But if you can find a way to stop thinking about her, that would be good. And, to stop making comparisons with your BD. My DH used to brag about my thieving, lying SD60, too. Any little thing, "She keeps her car so clean!", "She's such an animal lover!". I hate to think if she was a real live nurse. Lol.
Since I disengaged, I'm slowly thinking less about her. When DH mentions her, my response is " Hmmm:". Its been a long journey and I still work on this.
That comparison thing - as parents, we think of our kids in total which is natural because we raised them all and made decisions and policies for them all as a unit. But the fact is, they are complete individuals and so often, the only similarity is they have the same parents or wrre raised in the same home. They are all living their very own karma and have little or nothing in connection with siblings. If SD is a sex worker ( and it sounds likely), more power to her and I hope that works out for her ( we know it wont).
Is being a sugar baby
Is being a sugar baby considered sex work?
Considering that she is trading sex for material things and a certain lifestyle yes, it's basically prostitution. What 23 year old is truly interested in men in those age brackets? Especially, a string of them? How stupid is your husband? Oh well, it's her life and if your husband wants to remain in denial, so be it. For your own sanity, just try to let it go.
There is absolutely no reason for your husband to complain about your BD not finishing college and having mental issues. First of all, college is not for everyone, mental issues or no mental issues.
His daughter apparently has some issues of her own, so....
I probably would not bite my tongue if he insists on putting down your daughter, he needs to just not open his mouth about her. Depression is no joke and he should not be so disrespectful. Karma IS a bitch.
I'm glad that your daughter is doing better.
Agree
"I probably would not bite my tongue if he insists on putting down your daughter" I totally agree. If he has already been informed that you do not appreciate his put-downs of your daughter and his bragging of his daughter, he is doing it on purpose. I would tell him that critcism - and bragging will be going both ways from now on. It's not always about the money. It's about character.
Is your H proud of his
Is your H proud of his daughter being kicked out of restaurants for soliciting?
And having a string of boyfriends the same age as he is?
He needs to shut up and stop hassling you about your daughter. She is obviously trying hard, working and staying on her meds. Great.
Just say to him "you worry about your own kid, leave mine alone"
Legitimate psychological, behaviral, or emotional issues...
are very different than being a call girl, umm.. I mean kitten. The prior are illnesses, the latter, an absolute absense of character.
DH needs clarity.
IMHO.
Be thankful that your DH isn
Be thankful that your DH isn't the one footing the bill..lol.
But is she sure of that?
But is she sure of that?
Maybe not.. haha.
Maybe not.. haha.
I guess daddee could be helping her with her bills.. But.. she may not be a sugar baby.. just a gold digger..
??
In any case.. she did finish her nursing training.. and is at least semi gainfully employed.. if she is using that to leverage herself upwards in the finance department.. she wouldn't be the first..
in any case.. with her own child having issues.. I am not sure I would want to be throwing stones from my glass house when it comes to her DH.. I would probably internally roll my eyes a bit.. though.
Yeah she did finish her
Yeah she did finish her nursing training but doesn't like being a nurse according to the OP.
My ex SD was the same. Finished her nursing training but took a long time to get a job because she:
Didn't want to work nights, weekends or statutory holidays.
Didn't want to work with old people, "they're gross"
Didn't want to work in paeds "too many helicopter parents"
And a string of other terms and conditions. I honestly don't know why someone would train as a nurse if they don't want to work shifts?? You have to do your stint on the graveyard shifts, build up experience.
OP, I sympathise with you. Just try and ignore her. If your H goes on about how wonderful she is, just don't respond.
Carry on being you. You're doing a great job with your bio daughter.
Thanks for the feedback. SD23
Thanks for the feedback. SD23 laughed when she told us about being asked to leave the restaurants she thinks it is funny and DH laughed too so he is completely blind to any poor choices she makes. She didn't admit to soliciting just insists she had the right to sip a drink alone at the bar and was glamorously dressed. But with no dinner reservations and not meeting anyone there plus the way she dresses Her take on it!! Maybe she is a gold digger the last 'boyfriend' but one was older than DH. No DH is not paying for her luxuries I was suspicious but we recently bought a new house and I was his own checking account statements.
Id say leave it alone.
But step in when he starts critiqing your child.
Nurse Salary
Maybe to ease your mind a little, I'm also an RN and I have to tell you, the salaries have increased a lot since COVID. Maybe she makes more than you think she does?