Step Daughter with daddy issues
My soon to be step daughter (21) has major daddy issues. Her parents were a one night end of senior year mistake (pretty sure her mom got preggers on purpose). Her dad is an extremely hard working man but he is not the touchy feely type and I'm sure at 18 he probably wasn't dad of the year. She moved in with us for a month, then age 20 and then moved out in the middle of the night. She moved out the night before they had a court date for her dad is emancipate her. We had found out her AND her mother lied to us and the courts, she wasn't in college, was never full time and to top it off FAILED every class she tried to take. The mother now owes him thousands of dollars for accepting child support for her daughter who was over the age. The daughter has not talked to either of us since (which I'm ok with). She recently turned 21, I decided I would be the bigger person and invite her off, the dumb ass went off on me (calling her dad by name)saying we aren't her family, I treated her like shit, she wants nothing to do with us unless her dad gives her money. She went on to say how her dad "kissed my ass" and not hers and how he should put her first because that is her daughter. I could go on for days about this.
I personally think at 21 our relationship is none of her damn business and she needs to go on with her own life. To top it off her dumb mom calls and tells my fiancé I am ruining his life and relationship with their kids and that they should come first, he should open his eyes and leave me (she has been married for over 10 year and they were never married...just had two kids together). He is an adult his daughter is an adult as far as I am concerned if they want to talk they can if not oh well but it is not their moms damn business. Now every time kids are brought up and his 15 year old son comes I get so angry and pissed. I just am not sure how to get rid of the anger. I would love to call their mom and tell her how stupid she. GRRR.
I always loved the saying
I always loved the saying about when something happened fast someone would say "That went up faster than a prom night gown".
Here is my advise for you to give him. He should cut off all contact with the girl. Nothing. No phone, email, text, cards, block her from social sites like Facebook and don't visit hers. Absolute silence until/if she reaches out in a reasonable way. That may take a decade it may never happen. BUT it will take away all of her power. She will come back knowing that Daddy can put her behind him with one fell swoop of his hand if she doesn't act decently. It'll take guts but if he does it he'll be a winner regardless of the outcome.
As for the mother he does the exact same thing except what is absolutely necessary regarding the boy who apparently cares enough to come over. He should tell mother that all communication will be in writing, no phone calls will be accepted. Emergency notifications such as hospitalizations should be sent in text and he will then call back or call the hospital/police whatever is necessary. If she calls he see its her because he has her phone(s) stored in his cell phone and he not only doesn't answer he doesn't respond to voice mails. It's as if they didn't happen. Text and email only.
If the boy is complaining about visiting then Daddy should tell him its OK to stop coming over. He tells him he's not angry or anything but if the boy is happier not coming over then that's OK with Daddy. Then he leaves it up to the boy to contact him, which won't be much, but once the boy gets mature enough, perhaps early twenties, he'll probably come around again. Holiday cards and presents are OK as long as the boy isn't disrespectful. He's a teenager don't expect much from him Daddy. Just be there with open arms when he comes back.