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ultimanium pays off

Want my life back's picture

Submitted by Want my life back on Tue, 07/03/2012 - 3:22am

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Adult Stepchildren

Today I realized I have come such along way in inner strength. I told my estranged DH that there will be no future for us if you think I'm going to continue living the life I've been for 15 years. I do not need or want your adult children's acceptance anymore, they will not pop in whenever they like, my home is not going to be a half way house . They will ring to see if they can come around, which doesn't mean we will drop everything we are doing because they have rung, my home my rules. And if they do just turn up I know you have not fulfilled your end of bargain to speak with the skids, don't think I will change on this, if it happens all fury will break. I suggested that we will invite them around every 4-6 weeks so I can be prepared for the visit, I will no longer hold my tongue to any snide remarks otherwise they will be on the receiving end of my scorn if you ever cross me again as I now know that DH and I stand united together. If only I was stronger years earlier and stood up for myself without worrying about acceptance from everyone else, it feels so f@$&!!! Liberating.
I know time will tell but I know DH knows this is the final shot at it otherwise I'm outta the relationship for good.
I know it is a time thing to make this stance but I know I couldn't go on pretending to myself anymore

Want my life back's picture

Submitted by Want my life back on Tue, 07/03/2012 - 7:13am

Oh yes it does, very liberating. This split for nearly eighteen months has been hell but well worth it, if it bring boundries and respect. I know i have always loved DH but the separation has given me such clarity to what I do and don't want anymore. I have proven to myself that I am a strong independent woman that doesn't need a man to support me, I am no bleeding heart feminist but it has shown DH that I will not tolerate disrespect from himself or his skids.
This site is wonderful for ongoing support.

Want my life back's picture

Submitted by Want my life back on Tue, 07/03/2012 - 7:21am

Absolutely right on not letting little things slip, have to keep it in check fully for the first 6-12 months as it will give everyone an idea on what and won't be tolerated. The DH will be pre-warned that we are a together as a solid unit- not devided- which hopefully will have him back me up- heaven forbid if he doesn't. DH has found the separation very difficult and sad time for him as well ,so I'm sure a little reminder every now and then will keep him
In check.

Janpes's picture

Submitted by Janpes on Tue, 07/03/2012 - 9:30am

congratulations and welcome to the team.

I also gave my husband the ultimatum a few weeks ago and I have to say life has been great since. He told his kids the same day and got that over with. Of course it didnt go without any drama but then when has anything in this house been done without drama when stepdaughter and stepson were around.

Life here has changed for the better, we have become a lot more closer and I believe the constant bitching from his daughter made this decision easier to take. He is no longer in the middle and has accepted that his kids need to grow up and start acting like adults. I guess he finally saw what his kids had become, a younger version of his ex wife, filled with bitterness, anger and envy. She has poisoned them all through our time together and he has finally seen the light and he didn't like what he saw.

I felt guilty for a while for giving him this ultimatum, but I was not going to be prepared to live like this for the rest of our lives. We have 2 daughters of our own and to have him fully involved in their lives is a plus.

Take your time, don't make any rash decisions and don't let your hubby fob you off with any excuses. Don't stand to be 2nd best Smile Good Luck!