It was a combination of both for me. There was a building of issues that culminated into one particular moment in time that finally broke me. The last attack on my character was the final one. I remember the exact point when my heart grew completely cold, and all my pain turned into numbness. In that moment, I knew things would never be the same again. It wasn't any worse than the previous attacks I received when my SS's behavior wasn't being addressed, but it was just one too many. I was done.
For me, it was a building of things. The deciding statement came this past summer when DH verbally attacked me, called me numerous names, felt he did nothing wrong, and when I attempted to talk with him about it later (about how the name calling, screaming, rage, etc. had to cease) he asked me, "Why? It's kept *you* around."
I'd been struggling with a decision we'd made for me to move for school. He didn't want me to; I didn't want to, but overall, it was best for the family. But in that second, I knew it was the right decision, and I formed an exit strategy.
I had space and time to sort through a lot of horrible things. Yes, there were good times, but when it was bad, it was very, very bad.
Just last week, my husb (who received a lateral demotion from "DH" at time of above said incident) called and pressed the issue of getting out of the army soon and where he wanted to live while I did grad school. I finally just told him that there was no way we could live together again if the situation were to stay the same. I told him I'd asked him to get help in regards to his anger, his control issues, his total disrespect for me, and his spending addiction in the past, but that he'd always just said he would to shut me up, then not followed through. That I couldn't live my whole life broke and broken just to make him happy. That I refuse to sacrifice myself and my kids on the alter of his ego.
I hope that it all sunk in and that he really realizes I'm not bluffing. My escape plan is still in effect as it is. When it's all said and done, we may be together, we may not. Either way, me and my kids will be alright.
It was a combination of things with me when I left my exH. But ultimately it was when I turned 40. Decade years are years of reflection for me, and I decided on my birthday that I wasn't happy with my job, wasn't happy in my marriage. Within a month I had a new job mapped out at work and had spoken to a divorce attorney. It was hard, I was scared, but I knew it was right and I could find that strong woman I knew was inside.
I was unhappy in my marriage and I needed to take control of my own life. It ultimately didn't matter all those years of what he did or didn't do, what I did or didn't do, who hurt whom over what. I was just done. He begged and pleaded, started doing all those things I'd been asking for for all those years, but it was too late. I reached the finish line. It was sad. And then it was liberating.
It was a combination of both for me. I disengaged the first time because SD was so disrespectful and jusy plain nasty, slamming doors in my face, saying horrible things to other people, treating me as if I were invisible, etc. After a few years, DH assured me she would play nice. It was a very short time before she renewed her vengeful behavior toward me, only it was worse. This lasted for many years.
On the visit prior to the second disengagement, she was particularly abrasive, ordering me around, making sarcastic comments, etc. I knew at that moment I would never allow her to be nasty to me again. The next visit she and her husband continued grouping on me with their obnoxiuos attitudes and actions. I asked them to please speak up instead of having their usual muffled, sideline conversations while we were sitting next to one another. They came unglued and began screaming at me for all sorts of unfounded offenses while DH ran out the door. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and almost ended our marriage. But it was a whole new beginning for me.
It was a combination of both
It was a combination of both for me. There was a building of issues that culminated into one particular moment in time that finally broke me. The last attack on my character was the final one. I remember the exact point when my heart grew completely cold, and all my pain turned into numbness. In that moment, I knew things would never be the same again. It wasn't any worse than the previous attacks I received when my SS's behavior wasn't being addressed, but it was just one too many. I was done.
For me, it was a building of
For me, it was a building of things. The deciding statement came this past summer when DH verbally attacked me, called me numerous names, felt he did nothing wrong, and when I attempted to talk with him about it later (about how the name calling, screaming, rage, etc. had to cease) he asked me, "Why? It's kept *you* around."
I'd been struggling with a decision we'd made for me to move for school. He didn't want me to; I didn't want to, but overall, it was best for the family. But in that second, I knew it was the right decision, and I formed an exit strategy.
I had space and time to sort through a lot of horrible things. Yes, there were good times, but when it was bad, it was very, very bad.
Just last week, my husb (who received a lateral demotion from "DH" at time of above said incident) called and pressed the issue of getting out of the army soon and where he wanted to live while I did grad school. I finally just told him that there was no way we could live together again if the situation were to stay the same. I told him I'd asked him to get help in regards to his anger, his control issues, his total disrespect for me, and his spending addiction in the past, but that he'd always just said he would to shut me up, then not followed through. That I couldn't live my whole life broke and broken just to make him happy. That I refuse to sacrifice myself and my kids on the alter of his ego.
I hope that it all sunk in and that he really realizes I'm not bluffing. My escape plan is still in effect as it is. When it's all said and done, we may be together, we may not. Either way, me and my kids will be alright.
It was a combination of
It was a combination of things with me when I left my exH. But ultimately it was when I turned 40. Decade years are years of reflection for me, and I decided on my birthday that I wasn't happy with my job, wasn't happy in my marriage. Within a month I had a new job mapped out at work and had spoken to a divorce attorney. It was hard, I was scared, but I knew it was right and I could find that strong woman I knew was inside.
I was unhappy in my marriage and I needed to take control of my own life. It ultimately didn't matter all those years of what he did or didn't do, what I did or didn't do, who hurt whom over what. I was just done. He begged and pleaded, started doing all those things I'd been asking for for all those years, but it was too late. I reached the finish line. It was sad. And then it was liberating.
When I realized in the end
When I realized in the end you can't change DNA. SD will be who she is because she born to who she was.
It was a combination of both
It was a combination of both for me. I disengaged the first time because SD was so disrespectful and jusy plain nasty, slamming doors in my face, saying horrible things to other people, treating me as if I were invisible, etc. After a few years, DH assured me she would play nice. It was a very short time before she renewed her vengeful behavior toward me, only it was worse. This lasted for many years.
On the visit prior to the second disengagement, she was particularly abrasive, ordering me around, making sarcastic comments, etc. I knew at that moment I would never allow her to be nasty to me again. The next visit she and her husband continued grouping on me with their obnoxiuos attitudes and actions. I asked them to please speak up instead of having their usual muffled, sideline conversations while we were sitting next to one another. They came unglued and began screaming at me for all sorts of unfounded offenses while DH ran out the door. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and almost ended our marriage. But it was a whole new beginning for me.