Xmas Gift Giving
I have to get this off my mind as it has been on my mind for a year now. Last year at Christmas, my adult SS and his girlfriend gave my husband several gifts while I got 2 from them. I thought this was quite rude. We always make sure we spend the same and have the same number of gifts for each of them including their boy and girl friends they bring. Of course I sat their and smiled throughout the whole thing and never said a word. It is obvious that since SS has taken up with his girlfriend, whom he lives with, the little snide jabs are being done to hurt me. She is buds with the BM which I believe is the root of their treatment towards me. I told my DH afterwards I thought it was rude and he said it was no big deal as they were just funny gifts. I am so not looking forward to this Christmas as I feel they will have more tricks up their sleeves to play on me. Any thoughts on what I should do if this occurs again? I guess I am feeling very disrespected and it all comes from SS and his girlfriend.
Sounds like we are in
Sounds like we are in identical situations. Too bad they don't have the heart to realize what a good person you are. I could go on and on how I have given, paid for and cared about them but they have had blinders on all these years and it is always all about them. Maybe one day they will realize we aren't so bad.
Good point. Guess I will
Good point. Guess I will leave all the cooking and cleaning and decorating to my DH this year.
I have the same story to
I have the same story to tell! I guess this *is* the way to do it - words mean nothing, actions mean everything. The first couple of years my then BF and I were together, i bought a lot of little gifts for his kids and mine, and then we bought some together, bigger ones. So there were a lot of gifts to open, stockings, boxes, pajamas for each one of our 5 kids at Xmas, etc.
Then we announced we were getting married, things soured considerably, and they walked in one year a few days after my birthday empty-handed and mumbled something like, Happy birthday, Pilgrim Soul! There was no card, no gift, no care taken to reciprocate in any meaningful way. Of course on our end, there was a home-cooked dinner on the table, and dessert, and good cheer.
But i stopped buying them anything after that. DH sent them money last Xmas, and I stayed out of it completely. Same goes for their birthdays. DH sent cards this year, as the relationship with them has broken down. They are adults, but unlike Rising's SDs mine are not of the opinion that they need to learn the world does not revolve around them. They are of the opinion that whoever is not ready to revolve around them, needs to be removed from their world.
I totally agree! I have left
I totally agree! I have left a lot of it up to DH which he isn't happy about it. DH seems to think I am in the wrong and that the kids have done nothing wrong....puhleese!! The kids don't have a clue as to all that I have put forth and they are so wrapped up with themselves they will never figure it out.
My SD made no effort at first
My SD made no effort at first and then her dad got genuinely mad at her for it. She then bought me soap for every christmas and birthday. DH again had a discussion with her about how thoughtful and kind I had been to her and that he was disappointed in her lack of thoughtfulness.
My SD18 is clever. She is a wealthy young lady with very good taste. the type that comes when you get $100/week from the age of 13 and have been raised to believe your personal appearance is your greatest asset. Do you know what she got me last year. Very big, very cheap and trashy earrings. The type you know are going to fall apart or you could at least donate to a honest hard working hooker. DH was silent. SD18 sniggered.
What can I say?
It will keep happening. Please try to protect your beautiful heart and soul. Coat it with self love and remind yourself of your husband and family's love on Christmas Day. Sorry you are experiencing this stuff too.
LOL re the honest,
LOL re the honest, hard-working hooker! Very funny!
FS, can you make a donation to a local brothel in SD's name?
In the book that made quite a stir a few years ago, The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother - great read, btw - the author, a Yale law professor, Amy Chua, blasts her little BD for giving her a badly made thoughtless birthday card. And much as it seems cruel to do it to a child, there is a lesson there: you need to show you care by doing something that takes more effort than folding a piece of paper and drawing a smile on it. The girl has to re-do the card, and does better next time.
I wish your DH has spoken up, or you had, to tell your SD that the trashy earrings belong in trash, and forwarding them there.
Someone needs to teach these entitled brats lessons in common decency.
If parents won't, who will??
Thanks for sharing! Maybe
Thanks for sharing! Maybe you should save all the cheap gifts and give them back to her on down the road!! I'm impressed you get soap on your bday and Christmas, I get nothing on my bday (although I am expected to attend their birthdays) and we know how Christmas goes. It used to be at our Xmas gathering SS would give me a gift with a piece of white tissue around it...no tape or bow or label....felt like it came from a drive by at a 7Eleven on his way down to our home...or for a couple of years, I got a Starbucks gift card from SS and my SD's boyfriend would lean over and say "That was mine". Go figure!! Unfortunately, I do not have my own children, which my DH has reminded me is my problem.... :sick:
A have only ever received 2
A have only ever received 2 gifts, 1 SD sent with her sister a scented candle in a gift bag, with the price left on and no card, not even a gift card, I have never ever given a gift without at least a gift card, I should add everyone else got a card, the second gift was the tiniest little pair of silver heart earrings , they were the size you would put in a babies ears, I am 60 she was 38, I am not greedy or selfish but my goodness, my Partner wanted to crawl into a hole, I still said thank you with a smile but inside I was seething, I could never be so rude
I'd rather have the hooker
I'd rather have the hooker earrings than the trailer park trash games 1 and 2 plus a fart game! What a bunch of assholes!
I like the "fart game!"
I like the "fart game!" Maybe I should buy each of them one and put it in their stocking!!
I admire you for what you are
I admire you for what you are doing for the step kids. That is a neat idea and I am sure you spent hours making the quilts. Hopefully, they will look back and realize what a great person you were and have regrets about how they treated you. Thank you for sharing.
My situation wasn't always the best, but it has gotten worse as the SKs get older and now the SS has his girlfriend who is buds with BM which has made it worse. And, I'm the one he proceeded to tell off a few months ago...the kid would hardly carry on a conversation with me until he has some reason to tell me off then he spent 20 minutes yelling at me calling me names, etc....I'm not spending another cent or minute on the dodo bird.
Wow! I hope to be where you
Wow! I hope to be where you are one day. I used to be until I got treated so poorly that I couldn't pretend anymore. Maybe one day I'll be back there.
That's a great idea! I need
That's a great idea! I need to try it with my girlfriends! Thanks, notasm
And to think that i have just thrown out the Root Beer Kit my husband won last year in
his Secret Santa at work!
I am like Skeeter. Cannot
I am like Skeeter. Cannot help myself and get great joy from the hunt for perfect or special presents for family and friends. I do not let SD18's attitude stop me from being a good person so I still hunt for something that is a good present and pretend for that period of time that she is a nice person and i am shopping for a lovely 18 year old young woman (with a $ limit ofcourse). It makes me happy for that period of time.
My SD22 has been informed
My SD22 has been informed that this year, we are only buying for actual children and the rest of the money will go to charity. What can she say to that?
Wow I love that. A grateful
Wow I love that. A grateful child in Africa has food and water, a school book or even a toy and the entitled, spoilt brats get to think about why. Love it.