Ex at Funeral...what do you think
My FIN passed away recently and my DHs ex wife showed up at the visitation, funeral, reception and burial. She proceeded to hang around bawling and carrying on as if it were her own father. She and my DH have been divorced for several years now. I was a bit taken aback by her behavior. It seemed more like a family reunion for her. My DHs siblings have always been close with her and I seem to have never existed to most of them. She even came to the small family get together after the burial and his siblings and kids proceeded to sit and chat with her, while my husband and I were ostracized by all of them...and to think this was my DHs father who died!! I am at a loss when it comes to his families response to he and I and their treatment of him. I did leave the family gathering after eating and talking with others, and he said that after I left she left a few minutes later. I am trying to figure out what her purpose of leaving after I did was? I am also trying to figure out why she attended all the events...I thought it was a bit inapproriate...I can see her coming to visitation but attending everything else with his family? She was the one who wanted the divorce after 24 yrs of marriage and 2 kids and you would think his siblings would take this into consideration and show some respect for him. He didn't seem to mind and my wonderful MIL commented to the two of us days later, when we went to visit her, that "she never had a problem with her". She is the one who brought up the ex being there and seemed to have enjoyed being with her. I never said one bad word about the ex either. After that comment, I have decided that whatever I do won't be acceptable to this family, so I am not taking part in helping with MIL. I wasn't raised to be this way, but when I am not appreciated I'm not doing it any more.
Has any one else had a similar issue, if so, how did you cope with it?
I feel for you. My
I feel for you. My boyfriend's ex has an unshakeable relationship with his family, and shows up at functions like this. She has replaced him in his own family, and I am just glared at like I'm a contagious disease.
My boyfriend was married (and divorced) once after he divorced BM, and BM was welcome at BF's grandpa's funeral while his then wife was told (by BF!) she could not come. Now he realizes this was wrong, but he was literally brainwashed. Now that he's stopped catering to BM and showing up at functions she's been invited to INSTEAD OF US, he's the family pariah.
I'm feeling now like BM needs to be put in her place. Her actions are pathetic. She needs to move on and get a life.
As far as his family goes, I've come to a place where I no longer feel I need their approval. At first, I was really hurt by their deceit and rudeness. Now, I'm still hurt, but I know not to make time for them.
It sounds like you're more
It sounds like you're more considerate about how you interact with XH's family than my boyfriend's kids' BM. They go out of their way to keep us from knowing about her spending time together.
Kill her with kindness is a nice idea, but I have found that one a little hard to implement, because she gets invited and I don't. So, I guess I can just kill her with kindness from a distance...
Thanks for your insight. Interesting to hear it from the other end.
Hahahahaha...yes indeed! I
Hahahahaha...yes indeed! I would like to be civil at least but...damnit! There are some people who do not deserve civility from even a rock dweller.
When my xh grandmother (my
When my xh grandmother (my children's great-grandmother)passed away, I attended the wake, the funeral and reception. She was a woman whom I respected and thought of her as my grandmother too. I knew this woman for 25 years. All of my grandparents were gone by the time I was 15 years old and was happy to have the opportunity to have another "grandmother".
As an ex wife, I was nervous about attending all of it. I was accepted by some people and not accepted by others. In my situation, my ex cheated on me and I divorced him.
I went for two reasons. My children needed my support and I went because I needed to pay my respects to a wonderful woman.
I am now remarried and have 5 skids and two BM's along with my own 3 bio kids. I will always have times that I will be involved with my ex or my husbands two ex's.
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your comments. Looks like depending on your situation whether you are a current wife or ex wife, we all have different views.
Guess it is bothersome to me that his family has more of a likeness towards the ex and I am not to be liked. Sure can make a marriage difficult and can be painful at holiday time and makes me not want to be around them. My family is small and we all get along and respect each other, even when there has been dislike towards an in law. My husband is a very nice man but lacks in standing up to his family and kids at times regarding me so they know they can get away with their behavior. Sometimes I just need to vent!!
When my MIL passes, BM WILL
When my MIL passes, BM WILL show up - she thinks she has a lovely relationship with MIL (gag!!) In reality MIL tolerates her because she knows the vindictive bitch would cut her off from her granddaughter.
When she gets there, BM will be confronted by DH and ALL SIX of his siblings and told to behave - unlike at his father's funeral when she hit on DH and tried to get him back a third time (double gag!!)
In our case, BM is so disagreeable that NONE of the inlaws can stand her.
That's nice DH and his
That's nice DH and his siblings stick together! That probably makes your marriage easier than most. The thought crossed my mind that maybe my DH ex wants him back.
Stand tall, keep the
Stand tall, keep the pleasantries with the in law family and do the minimal in visits and interaction. My xmil and I did not get along. To this day when we celebrate anything in regards to my children, I just greet her;say a few things and then I'm done. I've developed enough of a thick skin with her that I don't care what her opinions are.
I have adult skids with my current husband. I get their loyalties to their mother and they are respectful to me. At times things do get to me but I have learned to let things roll off my back like the water on a ducks back.
Just remember your husband is with you. BM's mistake is your gain.
Step-A-Side, I enjoyed your
Step-A-Side,
I enjoyed your post and can relate to your comments, especially to the last two paragraphs. I have determined who my family is. Most of the ILs aren't as they have made it clear from the beginning of our relationship they weren't open to me. Still not sure why but guess it will be their loss. Unfortunately, my FIL was one of the few who did like me so now I have on less supporter.