Need Advice & Feeling Overwhelmed
Hello everyone! I could really use some advice as a new step mom to my bf's twin boys (age 6). My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and I've always had a wonderful relationship with his twin boys from a previous marriage. Ex-wife lives out of state and only sees them during the summer and every other Christmas. The boys are sweet, albeit spoiled, and most of our previous time together consists of fun outings and playtime only on the weekends since I did not live with my bf. Two months ago, my bf's grandmother (primary caretaker of the boys) moved out of my bf's house and back to her hometown, and I moved in. I've basically taken her role. I cook, I clean, and I parent most of the time. Everything is new to me and overwhelming, I'm also an introvert and the sudden shock of having someone around me 24/7 is driving me a little crazy. The boys will not leave me alone, they constantly want to talk or play, and will come into our bedroom to wake me up in order to play with them. I realize this type of needy behavior is normal for kids their age, but I need advice on how to get them to play independently without me. Another huge stressor is that both my bf and I are in medical school. We both have a major exam coming up, one which will determine our competitiveness for residency. I'm freaking out because my days are no longer spent studying, but now taken up by doing household chores and taking care of his kids. My bf sleeps until about noon everyday, his way of coping with the stress. I think I've gone above and beyond what should be asked of me. My bf and I are not married, I'm not the mother of the children. I've even missed shifts at the hospital when there's no one to look after the kids. I try to explain that I need to study to the boys and cannot play, but it's like they don't hear me and keep asking when I will play with them. I'm at a loss here and id greatly appreciate any advice. Thank you!
This is not normal behavior
At Six year old should either watch TV or play quietly until you come out of your bedroom. You BF made a choice to become a parent. He should be getting up at 7 o road 8 AM to make breakfast and parent his kids
What a sweet deal he gets!
What a sweet deal he gets! Mommy moves out and you move in, and he doesn't have to do any parenting! Not sure why you would be okay with this. I'd be at the foot of his bed with an air horn reminding him that I'm in school too, and I didn't bring those children into the world.
I normally don't agree with the poster above who said to run, but in this case, I do. This guy is selfish and poor partner material.
You need some childcare
It is unrealistic for a medical student to be expected to replace the services of a full-time grandma to twin 6yo boys. You need a nanny, babysitter, daycare. something.
Of course you are overwhelmed. Don't take any backtalk from your BF, either. Other couples have managed this and you can, too.
Good luck, Doc!.
PS
After arranging childcare, if it's offsite (preferable so you have quiet), i would work on BF. He can get his patootie out of bed and take them. I'm getting the vibe that hes not pulling his weight.
He should be pulling ALL the
He should be pulling ALL the weight, and it appears he's pulling none.
Please, promptly move back
Please, promptly move back out and stop this nonsense.
This guy is a tool, who is willing to let anyone else parent his kids, as long as he doesn't have to.
You are in medical school, why would you move in with him, knowing that you were taking the place of his kids' caretaker, his grandmother?
Why are YOU missing shifts at the hospital because HE doesn't have anyone to look after HIS kids?
Are you really willing to sacrifice your career for this selfish ass? He is a terrible parent and a terrible partner.
My bf sleeps until about noon everyday, his way of coping with the stress
Sorry, but he does not get to do this, he has responsibilities as a parent. He does not get to pass those responsibilities onto you.
I suggest you follow Grandma's footsteps and do what's best for you.
Move out. Why are you with
Move out. Why are you with his guy? Why are you letting his kids get in the way of your goals when he isn't? If you decide to remain in a relationship where you are used to make his life easier, then at least refuse to watch his kids. Wake him up and tell him you're leaving for the day. You need to put yourself, your education, career and goals first, because your boyfriend is certainly not.
Noooo
1. You are the GF NOT THE WIFE. Stop doing everything for him
2. They are HIS kids not yours. Have HIM get up early to deal with HIS kids
3. FOCUS ON YOU. Stop missing shifts at the hospital cause of them, have your BF figure that out. Study and away from the kids tell your BF you are going to study to tend to HIS kids. If things dont workout, you'll be left with nothing and a possibly bad test result etc. Dont put your career on the line just cause he isnt taking responsibility of his kids
Please, please don't let him
Please, please don't let him and these kids keep you from becoming a doctor. You have worked too hard and likely paid too much (or your parents have!) to throw it all away to be a cook, maid, and nanny to some other woman's kids. In the end, you will not be appreciated as much as these deadbeat bio parents. These are not your kids. You aren't even married. Do not throw away your future for these mooches!!!!!
You have so much going for
You have so much going for you. You are smart, driven, caring. Do not let this guy continue to be the anchor of your great career and life - he will drag you down instead of raising you up. Find someone who cares about you like you deserve. Better yet, start caring about yourself like you deserve.
Oh Girl, please do not throw
Oh Girl, please do not throw away everything you have worked so hard for. You are on the threshold of being a DOCTOR. Go get it. Dont let him or his kids get in your way. Your career and education need to take a front seat pronto.
You are both in medical school and you both
You are both in medical school and you both struggle with depression, yet somehow you are responsible for his children? Sleeping and playing video games are not coping mechanisms for depression - excessive sleeping is a sign of being depressed, and playing video games is a way of avoiding dealing with the depression as well as the children. You need to stop taking care of children that are not yours at the expense of your schooling and mental health.
Insist your SO get some help for his depression so he can quit using it as an excuse not to deal with his own kids. Quit watching his kids, wake him up and then leave the residence if you have to. Call his Grandmother and his parents and tell them what is going on, see if they will help. If he won't step up, you need to move out and look after yourself. You have worked too long and hard to risk everything to help someone who won't help themselves.
You are joepardizing the
You are joepardizing the incredible investment you have made in your education and sacrificing your future for this failed father, husband and his failed family breeding baggage.
Don't do that.
Time to check into a hotel and study in order to succeed on this upcoming test. Your BF has to be the one to sacrifice to care for his children.
Take care of you.
When he's awake and in a good
When he's awake and in a good mood, he's very involved with the boys and willing to do his share around the house.
And the rest of the time? Who takes care of the kids then? Oh, that is you. So, in other words, your BF is willing to babysit his own children when he feels like it.
And if YOU have a bad day or need some extra sleep? What happens then? Oh, nothing, you still take care of them.
Your BF needs a serious wake up call--he's failing you and his children.