Today was the 2nd visit to therapist
In March it will be a year since my post on this forum about being a full-time SM to SD, who is almost 12 is driving me insane. In my last post here I talked about my desire and (according to DH his desire too) to have a child with him of our own. Well it still hasn't happened yet...and things are pretty much the same if not worse.
Today was my second visit to our "couples counseling session" that I have attended own my own. The women told me that I am jealous of my SD because I am not secure and solid in my relationship with my husband. She is hoping that he agrees to attend the next session (he has told me he did not like talking about his personal business to a stranger) so that I could tell him that I am not getting what I need out of our relationship. I never thought i'd fall for someone with a child because i never dated men with children in the past. I feel like sometimes I made a very poor choice in the man I chose to marry yet I feel like he is the love of my life. I feel like he got me to this point with him only to use me at a babysitter. (the girls mother is seriously a crackhead). And I question why in the world would he get involved with such a trashy women? By that is just a waste of time because the women's mini me lives with me 24-7.
I am so sad that this is not working out but if I continue like this I will not be happy. I feel so isolated because no one that I know is in my situation. And I've learned the negative consequences to complaining to even people I consider my close friends about sd. The girl has learned to lie, manipulate people to get the things she wants. My husband can't see this. He's been too busy trying to force a relationship between me and her. The therapist said to me today i wouldn't have a problem with her being clingy with my husband if the girl was our child together, but if we had a child together, id think the child would be a decent person and not lie and manipulate people because we wouldn't teach the child to be that way. So I really hate to throw in the towel but I don't know what other options I have. It is also funny how husband is not really sexual. He has never initiated anything sexual with me (even if his body reacted to me) and we've been together for five years. I want to feel what it's like to be loved physically. Most of the time I feel like he loves me literally, but I mean I want him to be a lover. I've never cheated but I'd like to be reminded what it feels like to have passion and be desired and not be the only one doing all the work. Therapist says because he is older by 19 years, he may not be able to give me what I need. I thought that our love was like the titanic. I'd be so sad to leave my husband and I really want to make us work since we both came from divorced parents but I don't know whats in it for me. The therapist said that I mattered too. As much as a generally like kids, I can't believe that I need counseling for this crap. If i'm ever blessed to have my own daughter I would tell her to run like hell if she ever came across a man with children. Does anyone have non judgmental advice? Has it gotten any better for anyone? I feel like I should go freeze my eggs. If nothing else in life I want my own child. If you've read this far, hugs to you and thanks.
sorry. I have adult sds and
sorry. I have adult sds and it is not better. You are not "jealous". You are in a bizzare situation that only someone that lives it could even begin to comprehend.
Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for your comments. To be honest & I hope non-judge mental . When we first meet I got pregnant for the first time and decided to have a medical abortion because I was unstable of his situation that we are now in. I felt that myself and new child would be put on the back burner & that we'd need to work something's out before we had a child. That decision is now eating me up inside because I long for my child no matter what situation I'm in but it hasn't hapenend since then.
When I said even if his body reacted I meant if felt that he got hard he'd just sit there. It would be up to me to say come on baby lets roll in the hay. I'm tired of always initiating. To my knowledge he hasn't had his testosterone checked he told me he is fine. A lot of times there is an excuse that he's tired. Our mattress is uncomfortable (even though we had just bought it it really is). I think he's even hinted that we need to be more romantic before...I guess I don't dress in nice lingerie enough. I don't know.
He doesn't see his daughter for who she is. And discussions about her for the most part results in an argument for us..the only time we do argue. I don't get why he doesn't understand it. I said this week 'I'd rather for her to be with her mother." My mother this week said I should not have said that. (But sh doesn't really know what it is like to be a fulltime step mom). In a sense sometimes I think I hate my stepdaughter. And I hate that she exists and that my husband, around 40 when he had sex with disgusting baby Moma would be so stupid to sleep with trash in the first place. I mean there are even dogs that take better care of the pups than she. We live in a real life nightmare because of her because we don't know what she is capable of or will do next. The women is the complete opposite of me. She lies that she is a cancer survivor when she's never had cancer. She lies about everything and always paints herself as the victim. She threatened my sd life through text message before yet the girl thinks her mother walks on water. She hasn't paid a penny in child support and the girl is 12. It is just awful.
I guess I have a lot of thinking to do. This is just awful. He is fine.and I'm miserable. Baby mamas latest lies though really upset him. He will probably never see that the girl his daughter is just like her mom. I hide my personal items like toothbrush everyday because I don't know what she does when I'm not here.
And I think you've hit the
And I think you've hit the nail on the head. ;(. Like this morning he guts up and instead of being romantically like good morning, he gets up, a bit grumpy and goes in the living room turn the tv on and wait for his daughter to get up. That's not the guy in "my head."
I'm not sure you're jealous.
I'm not sure you're jealous. We have 4 kids, two are SKIDS to me. One SS used to hang on his dad acting like a little girl. He'd walk on his toes, bat his eyelashhes, speak to him in a high pitched voice, and act like he couoldn't do anything on his own.
I certainly wasn't jealous, I was annoyed and mildly grossed out, lol!
So your therapist, no offense, is lazy... that' said, it would be good for your husband to hear how he's screwing up his marriage.
If you're that unhappy though, get out. Love is not enough... look at all those women who stay with husbands who beat them up, out of love.
I loved being single, it was fun. I know it's hard to leave a man, but life is too short for this bull.
I don't agree with people who say you have to make the marriage work at all costs. If you don't have a child with this dude, stop being the free nanny, get a job, get a life and get the hell out.
Start stockpiling money in a safety deposit box and make an exit plan.