I wholeheartedly agree! Drugs came about for three reasons:

1. The Government decided that all discipline and training was "abuse."

2. It's easier to put the kid on meds than to truly parent (proper diet, rest, structure, discipline). . .sorry but women are espeically prone to do this namely "single moms" who would rather befriend their child than be the actual parent. The rise in "single moms" hoping that Junior will act "more like a girl" (nowadays that's not so great either) and without the "disciplinarian" role of the father has led to this mass sedation of (mostly) boys.

3. The pharmaceutical companies and doctors are making a killing off of it.

Until someone convinces me that an occasional "attention getter" swat on the rump is dangerous and psychologically harmful while psychosis inducing, health destroying drugs are not, I think most of "just prescribe ADHD meds" is a bunch of hooey.

SS needs all of the above; proper diet, rest, structure and discipline. NO coddling, NO excuses, no "soft bigatry of lowered expectations"

Your SS sounds like a clone of GG's kids (biodad I live with). SD13 is actually BRAGGING on FB about her "pritty good" grades (all 15 points BELOW failing in all core subjects but fair marks in chorus and gym). :jawdrop:

All PHYSICALLY the size of a child much older, yet mentally, emotionally, scholastically at least 4 years behind.

jojo68 and all....I love that you mentioned the autism spectrum.....and 'smart at manipulating'..when i met fiancee, ss8 was going on 5. he has autism, and it was profoundly obvious to me from the first time I met him. DAD had no idea until we put him in kindergarten and I insisted on his being screened and tested. Shortly after that i went with dad and ss8 to the pediatrician appt, and i asked her WHY she had never made this diagnosis in the past. She pulled out her medical charts after looking at me like i was insane, turned to the very front of the file, when ss8 was THREE YEARS OLD...and showed me her written diagnosis of AUTISM right in the chart, and the fact that she'd given dad referrals for pt, ot, and speech therapy. Do you know what dad did? NOTHING.......No offense to any of the men on this site, but MEN choose to not see what they don't wanna see.............now, here i am marrying him and ss is 8 now and is functionally at the ability level of a 4 year old! These kinds of problems dont' just go away, they need to be treated!!!!

To the poster: your husband's denial is only going to make things worse for YOU and for the kid. His behaviors are extremely immature and inappropriate for a 6th grader (i'm a middle school/high school teacher). He needs a full psychological evaluation, and you can request that the school do that. Get dad on board with you or the hell you are living in now is only gonna get worse!

Good luck!!!

LIKE

My SS is on now meds too for the same reasons as B22S22's son is. Prior to being in my custody, my youngest SS had been given medicine for his ADD that was just too strong for his system and acted like a zombie for some time. When my DH and I married, I was given responsiblity by DH for managing all the school/doctor stuff for the 2 SS. (Note: I had custody of my now adult BD who is off at college now and my DH has custody of his 2 BS for reasons I don't want to go into.) When I enrolled my new SSs in school, I noticed that my youngest SS had an IEP and had been diagnosed for ADD. He displayed much of the same behaviors as B22S22's son. After investigating my SS family's health history (both sides of family has history of lots of ADD/ADHD) and conducting my own research on this topic, I finally sought out the help and advice of our family doctor whom I trust. I found that when given the right (correct type and dose) medicine coupled with the right support system (strong family unit, good doctor, good therapist) and proper environment (structured/stable home, proper food, and healthy amount of exercise), my youngest SS began to flourish. Today, he is able to control his compulsive behavior much better and is doing so much better in school - has better grades, has nice friends, participates in school activities. He is now a Senior in HS and it was my priviledge to have the opportunity to watch him blossom.

I second That

^^^LIKE^^^
That's exactly what happened to me.... yup, I was a single mom. Yup, I had one child off the chain and the other child was straight as an arrow. No, that wasn't the deciding factor in utilizing the option for medication. But as stated in my previous post - I probably could have been considered ADD (and still sometimes) and know the heartache I went thru. I know how much time and effort it took to focus on one child for the three years I attempted to change things around without the assistance of medication.

There was one of me, two of them. No biodad in the picture. Grandparents that thought letting my son do whatever he wanted to was "the best medicine."

I have to wonder if my daughter felt or feels resentment towards the amount of time I spent with her brother. And I wonder if she'll remind me of it someday when I'm old and cranky.

Hello Jenny - I cannot tell you what a diservice your DH is doing to your ss by ignoring this issue. I too suffered with the same condition as a child, and it was hard having to deal with the consequences of my behaviour at times (like being shunned by my peers). As these conditions were only just being understood by medical professionals at the time and my parents had 7 years of my behaviour - unaided by anyone until my Great Aunt recognised the symptoms from some articles from her employer (a family Doctor) and so I began to control my behaviour with diet primarily.

My parents, however, NEVER permitted me to get away with things when I misbehaved. They tried to understand and were supportive, so were more patient, but that doesnt make being rude, distructive, ignorant, abusive and nasty ok. In fact I can honestly say some of things, I didnt do because I was allowed to and I know there would be punishment if I tried it!

You are in a difficult situation because your DH is the one who must be the lead in managing your ss's condition, that includes not being in denial, managing his diet(strictly), his routine, his attitude and behaviour (if that means looking into medicating at low levels to see if that helps - although personally think the other routes should be attempted first). Even though you want to help, its not wanted and actually your DH seems intent on directing the energy he should be plowing into resolving ss's situation and helping his condition into blaming you.

You yourself say ss can do no wrong. Then why bloody try? You have tried and its not working, instead your own children's happiness is deteriorating and your DH is bullying them and you - because hes miserable and doesnt know what to do. Hes refusing to let you help and doesnt want to help himself either, the only one who can fix this right now is DH. I would be all sympathetic out. Time to completely disengage and refuse to do anything for or with ss - explain it all nicely and dont let yourself be guilted one bit. You are done. SS wants something? Sorry, cant help go ask dad. DH needs you to look after ss (either expected or asked)? Sorry, I am not looking after a child who disrespects me or who I zero authority over. DH accuses you of disliking ss? Nope, dislike his behaviour yes, MORE importantly dislike DH's way of treating everyone HELL YES. I would make it clear the blame lies with DH, not ss, so that completely cancels out DH's attempt to hurt you by accusing you of hating ss. DH wants you to do family things? Nope see above. Do ss's laundry/cook? Nope, so above.

I also would NOT allow DH to discipline my children or even blame them anymore. He doesnt want them associating with ss? (I think thats disgusting tbh) Then they arent to, and better for them actually because that means less chance for ss to pick on them or for them to placed in a situation where DH wrongly blames them for something! Spend that time and energy you would be using to do things with/for ss, arguing with DH over things with your daughters and making them happy. Go out, do things together (if that means DH and ss are excluded, then thats a consequence of your DH's decisions - after all it takes TWO people to work on a relationship). Your DH has stamped all over your marriage vows and you cannot expect to be the one to make the effort while DH throws it back in your face. Dont engage in any discussions/arguments with DH over your decisions either - he will try to get you to bite and engage in this in order to gain back control over you, just walk away and let him carry on. The less access you give him to hurt you, the more empowered you will feel and less unhappy your kids will. You need DH to SHOW you change before you re-engage, if at all.

Hopefully your DH will realise his errors and wake up and do something, but if not I am sure you will find your answers of what to do in time by giving yourself the space, reduction in stress to find them Good luck.