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Am I setting myself up here??? Advice please.

CONFUSED1020's picture

Ive been married for 4 months now. We both have 3 bio kids from prev relationship. He also raised his ex-wife's daughter since she was 3. Because of court issues and evil bio mom hes not allowed to see his 2 younger kids daughter 14 and son 8. Bio mom has poisoned these kids hearts and minds against DH. His 14 year old calls him only to tell him how much she hates him ans how she wishes he was dead. Shes very hateful and nasty towards him. We had some issues with ex-sd trying to break us up, that didnt happen and now shes out of our lives. I have so much hate for ex-sd.
So now DH and I talk about having another baby and I think twice about it because if his 14 year old finds out hes having another baby she will hate him even more as it is she thinks DH doesnt love her. Knowing her ad her dirty mouth she will talk crap about the baby and as a mom that will bother me alot. I dont want to end up haing her like ex-sd. DH says that once she gets older and realizes that everything her mom said about him were lies she will start to come around, but what if shes created damage with her words to the point where I wont want her around me or my kids. I know I'm probably jumping too ahead but maybe cause I hear the way she talks to DH about me and shes never met me now I can imagine what she will be saying about the baby. My question is am I analyzing this situation too much and just go ahead with our plans? or its better if we just dont have one to avoid all this drama?

Kes's picture

You say that the 14 yr old calls DH and says she hates him- but you don't say whether the SKIDS visit you or not. If not, I wouldn't worry too much about the effect on any potential child you have with DH. Plus it is a big thing in most women's lives to have their own child at some point - it would be a shame if you let something which might never happen, deter you from something which would bring you great happiness.
I think you are right - you are over-analysing the situation and creating possibly unfounded fears for yourself. If you and DH want a baby, I would say go ahead, I'm sure if you talk to 99% of the women in the world who have had one, they would say it's the best thing they've ever done.