Anyone else deal with blatant favoritism in the house
I am a stepmom and bio mom. I have a 6 yr old step daughter and 5 yr old bio daughter and 1 yr old bio son. We have been together for over three years and he had the 6 yr from a previous marriage and I had my 5 yr old from a previous and then we had the 1 yr old son together. He lets his bd dictate our whole lives. He wasn't willing to celebrate our sons 1 st birthday because we didn't have the 6 yr old that evening. He finally showed up late to a family dinner planned for my son. Does anyone else have problems where their stepchild dictate when and how they can do things for their bio kids?
How do you deal with it. Because my side of the family won't stand for it. They, just like me, will celebrate no matter which children are present.
I planned a mother daughter event one night coming up for my bd and I because we haven't done anything without my son or sd present. And she deserves it. (i have taken sd on numerous fun days without bd when bd was gone for the whole month of july.) well my husband is all distraught about it and is keeps saying what about sd what about her. she is gonna be left out. well yea she is with her mother those nights. so why not do something with bd. I only have to find childcare for one child. and why should i feel bad about wanting to go on a girls night with my daughter?
Anyone else agree. or am I being ridiculous and not thinking of everyone involved.
Your husband is being
Your husband is being ridiculous! Tell him that SD's life does not stop when she isn;t with you guys and yours shouldn't either.
Tell him to STFU.
Tell him to STFU.
I plan birthday occasions
I plan birthday occasions around my SD, I think it's thoughtful, she'd hate to miss out on it... however, I have no problem taking my kids out on my own to do things, DH does get upset occasionally, but I remind him what a awful beast she is towards me, and how her mother takes her and does things with her, so there's no need. I find it ridiculous that he's so worried about hurting his daughter's feelings, maybe tell him he's welcome to take SD out without your DD and DS.
My husband used to be the
My husband used to be the same way. We couldn't do anything if my SD wasn't with us. We had to schedule all of our trips, family dinners, etc for when SD was with us. I just kept reminding him that SD's life didn't stop when she went back to BM's. She went on trips without us and had parties without us, so we should be able to do the same. He finally started to get it and we've done a lot of stuff without SD. We have a DD2 together and I told him I'm not putting my child's life on hold to wait for EOWE to roll around so that SD can be involved.
My husband can still do the favoritism thing from time to time, but he's not as bad as he used to be so I'll take it. We're planning on going somewhere warm in the next couple of months. My husband wanted to include SD at first, but I pointed out that she just went to Mexico with BM in October so we don't need to rearrange our schedules to include her in our trip. He agreed with me once I reminded him of that.
Maybe you can point this out to your husband too? His daughter has a life when she's not with you, so I don't see why you can't do the same.
First off just clarify. It
First off just clarify. It wasn't a party it was literally a dinner at my dads house with my brother, his wife, his son and then my family. I chose not to do a birthday party for his 1st birthday because my bd didn't remember and it was more for the adults and I didn't want a party. I just wanted to celebrate his birthday on the day I was in labor and gave birth to him. I don't want my children growing up thinking that one child dictates our family schedule.
I'm kinda going through
I'm kinda going through something similar with the favoritism ( and have been for many years) ours is more of a double standard type issue as well, the sk10 is allowed behaviors that are not tolerated with other kids, working on that with DH now, just had a sit down with him on Monday, and now we play the wait and see game
But we also don't do "fun" things if sk isnt at our home, whatever that fun thing is we have to plan around sk times. Including vacations!
Bdays and other celebrations, I continue with wether or not SS is with us. I don't bend on that, and DH will sometimes say, "I wish SS was here" but that's usually the only thing. We had a huge sweet 16 for my DD (a few years ago)and the hall rental didn't have availability on a Saturday that SS would be with us..guess what? Oh well. I booked the hall for what was available, regardless of SS. We went to the extreme with that party, and again the only comment from DH was that he wished SS was there to enjoy all the things we had, my response was, yeah that would of been nice. Btw, he contacted BM and asked if SS could come for a few hours bc it was a Saturday, and we knew he would be with grandparents anyway bc BM is a big bar/party person on the weekends, but of coarse that would of been doing something nice, and that's unheard of..lol but yes, everything else is planned around that kid, and only that kid. It frustrates the hell out of me!
Good Luck!