How to Spend Joiny Money on Kids
My SO used our joint money to upgrade her son's bedroom (tv, bed, dress, hutch, bedding and rug(about $600). She wanted his room to be up to par with the stuff my son's already had from before we got together. I don't mind. I'm glad because I want him to feel good about his room and equal. However, I don't want my boys to feel left out. I told my boys "he didn't have as much nice things as you guys, so we got him some stuff so he could have a nice room too." However, I don't want my boys to feel left out so I asked my SO if I could use our joint money to buy all 3 (three) boys a used PlayStation 2 for each of their rooms (they're only about $40 each). When I asked my SO said it was a waste of money. I said I want to get my kids something as well and I'll get your son the same thing. My SO got angry and accussed me of being jealous of her son and called my sons spoiled. Then she said "I'll replace the money with my childsupport money." My SO said "don't use our joint money on any of the kids." However, that's the only money I have (we run a business together, so I have no other money.) Someone please give me some sound advice.
I read your post to my SO who
I read your post to my SO who has been in your situation in the past (he had 2 daughters & a SD during his last marriage). He said that it is unfair of her to have an issue with you wanting to do something for the boys (all 3 no less)...he said that your post sounds like you were being fair to all of the kids and that you need to have a serious talk with her about having a true "yours mine and ours" versus a "yours versus mine" approach.
IMHO, I think that you NOT having your own money is unfair to you if she is insisting that none of your joint money is spent on kids...what does that leave for your sons? Are you a custodial parent for your kids? Do you get CS or do you pay it?
It's a tough one...good luck & welcome!
I have my 2 sons 50% of the
I have my 2 sons 50% of the time. I have to pay $650 per month for child support which comes out of OUR joint money. My ex-wife uses the money to pay her bills and doesn't use it directly on my 2 sons.
We started a business
We started a business together and we both work on it. We usually do not take a pay because the economy is tough and there's not much extra money. We just cover our essentials (rent, utilities, food, etc). My SO receives child support from her ex-husband and she uses that to get her son Nintendo DS's, etc. However, this time she used our joint money.
If you run a business
If you run a business together you need to start taking a salary that is just yours and put it in your own account. She is using the fact taht your money is joined to control your spening on your own children. She has money, so you should be able to have your own to. I think the easy solution would be splitting the profits from the business between the two of you and then have the only joint account be one that you both pay into for household expencises. Then the only money for kids will come from the individual parent, you buy for your kids, she buys for her own. You can't feel guilty and buy it for her kid to, if she wants equality let her buy it herself. The household account should just cover; rent, food, utilities, cars, after that its each person on there own. But you need to have your own money, she can't be using it like a power play, your an adult if you want to spend money you should be able to without someone telling you no.
yeah, i'm not a fan of the
yeah, i'm not a fan of the joint money thing. maybe it needs to be his, hers, and ours. Ours being bills only.
I couldn't imagine buying
I couldn't imagine buying something only for my sons and then having them play with it in the same house and her son being left out. In her mind, she would behave the same. My SO argues that she only wanted her son to have the same things my sons had from before we were together. Yet, I'm concerned that my sons will feel as if the other boy is getting so many new things and they aren't getting anything new.
I agree on the smaller
I agree on the smaller things, but we are talking about over $600 for a complete room remodel, this is when the money is very tight.
I always push for equality.
I always push for equality. They're all 3 boys 9 years, 9 years and 7 years, so they have very similar needs. It shouldn't be too hard to keep things fair????
I know what your saying my SS
I know what your saying my SS has EVERYTHING and then some! the only thing he's missing is the kitchen sink! he says I want and his gram jumps to get it, my two sons do not have quite as much but there is little "keeping it fair" in my house. I do not want my children spoiled or expecting to get what they request at any given time. At times I buy them all a little something sometimes its just one of my boys (I have two) and there are days when my two are at my dads I may see sometihng for my ss and pick it up.
I think your son needs to learn he is not always going to "get" when the other two do and vise versa. This IS a life lesson. my ss cries now when my two may come home with something but guess what HE HAS EVERYTHING! forget buying him bday presents because what do I get him? he has every game for the DS possible and a TON of PS2 games, starwars legos etc. My son who is a year younger JUST got a small TV in his room and I gave him MY Ps2. Now SS wants a new game like my son got and its something he has shown NO interest in in over 2 years ...I told him "sometimes you get sometimes you don't" I don't know how many days I come home and this kid has a bag of toys from wherever. All he does is manipulate. "dad can I call my gram? I want to say goodnight" then he gets on the phone and whines about some toy or lego! Friggin DISGUSTING
if your son has a "nice room with plenty" let him learn that sometimes you get and sometimes you don't and i'd def get your own account even if you just put 50 bucks at a time in it, that way if you feel you need to "keep up " with the giving or getting your wife has 0 say, I do this and my fiance never says a word and he better never. it is MY money to do what I want with. If I decided financially that I want to buy myself or kids something he has no right because its not his money. JOint money or not I'd talk to your wife get her her own acct too
just my opinion
Let her pay the money back.
Let her pay the money back. She's being difficult, fine. She can't use the joint money if you can't.
^^^AGREE^^^ She is being
^^^AGREE^^^ She is being petty so let her pay for his room out of her own pocket, you bought your kids rooms before you were together how is it now a joint thing just for her kid?
She said I'm deposit $380
She said I'm deposit $380 back into the account. She spent over $600. Should I correct her and start another battle? I don't have any other money than the joint money our business produces. She on the other hand receives child support which she does not use for our bills or joint money. She uses it to buy her son special things.
Use her words, she said you
Use her words, she said you can't use the joint acct for kids, then she needs to pay the full amount back. Its always going to be fight. If you let this go, then you will continue to have problems.
Wow she used 600 for just one
Wow she used 600 for just one child, then has the gall to complain because you want to spend 120 on all three. Get your own account.
I love this board. So many
I love this board. So many intelligent, understanding people on here.
Thanks everybody for the advice and opportunity to vent.
I felt so frustrated at the time . . . you guys truly made me feel better.
I'll talk to our counselour and figure out a solution, but I'm in a better place now.
Good luck! Glad you feel
Good luck! Glad you feel better!
I know what you mean! I often
I know what you mean! I often feel like noone understands coming on here keeps me sane and level headed LOL