Is it my SS7, the BM, or both?
I'm new on this forum, so I hope I've got my acronyms right. My SS7 irritates me and I can't figure out if it's him or my feelings regarding BM projected onto him.
She's a typical manipulative ex. Specifics she's done that irk me: She gives SS laxatives before he visits us. She gave them to him before our wedding and SS had an accident in his suit 10 minutes before the ceremony. She tells my husband that I make good money so we should pay her more support. She told my husband a week before the ceremony that she wished they were still together. She calls my husband at work several times a week to talk about issues other than my SS. If we don't give her money, she makes it difficult to visit my SS. She gets mad at us if my SS's room isn't spotless, but she's dating a drug dealer.
My SS is a spoiled brat. He hits my son (13) if he's not getting his way. He pouts in stores if we don't buy what he wants. He refuses to do anything I ask until his dad tells him to. He cries all the time when things aren't going his way. We bought the boys motorcycles for Christmas and he was so ungrateful. He asked if that was all he was getting.
A part of me believes that my SS is acting out because his life is out of control and he's not happy. However, another part believes his parents coddle him too much. My husband wants me to bond with this child and I would like to, but it's difficult when he does so many things that a) I disapprove of and b) I have no control over. If I'm projecting my feelings for the BM onto my SS, does anyone have tips on how not to do this? If it's really my SS, does anyone have tips on what I can do to have a good relationship with him?
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Im in the same prediciment
I talked to my therapist about this and she basically said I HAVE to get along with BF's son. But I admit it's very hard to get along with someone who doesn't respect you and has been spoiled rotten by everyone around him. And it's also very hard to bond with a child that's not mine and you have nothing in common with.
Like Most Evil said ignore the mother..don't let her have the satisfaction that these things upset you cause thats what she wants! It's also hard for young kids to adjust to a place with different rules and a home that has limits set...like with m SS, he spends one week with his mom, no rules, no limits, he gets what he wants all the time...than the next week he comes here and the rules are strict and he doesn't run the house here like he does there. It's confusing for them and also stressful on them.
My son just turned 8, and
My son just turned 8, and has said some very embarassing, ungrateful things at his birthday party. But I noticed that all the boys there were behaving the same way. One of them told me that they arcade we took them to was boring.
I had told my son that if someone gives him a present he already has, just say thank you and be appreciative- it didn't work...he announced loudly that he already has it.
I think it's the age. And it usually isn't as easy to deal with someone else's child, especially when they aren't being raised the way you would do it. If your husband is making a team effort with you in teaching this kid better manners, then I think you'll be ok.
She shouldn't be giving him laxatives- if he's constipated, that's one thing, but she should only do it when he's at home and can get to the bathroom quickly. It's stupid to give him something like that and then send him out. I think you should tell her that in person.
My son also still cries when he doesn't get what he wants, and I think he's way too old for that.
By the way, how does she know whether or not his room is clean- does she come into your house?