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Just had a baby...resenting stepson's presence

fruststepmama's picture

Submitted by fruststepmama on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 11:08pm

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Blended Family Issues

My husband and I have a 4 month old girl at home now and we are so happy to be new parents! But...my stepson is increasingly irritating to me as days go by. I used to take great care in doing things for him and making sure he was taken care of and now I just cringe when he walks in the door and dread him coming over. Things suddenly just seem so much more peaceful and family-like when he is not here. My feelings towards my new daughter and my husband just dwarf my feelings towards him. I suddenly feel like he doesn't fit into the family. I feel really guilty about these thoughts...and my stepson is starting to pick up on them. I don't want to hurt his feelings. How should i handle the situation?

Craving Normality's picture

Submitted by Craving Normality on Tue, 07/02/2013 - 11:15pm

It will pass, or it did for me. I actually used to worry about one of the skids hurting our baby out of sheer jealousy. Our son is now nearly 2 and a half. And each of his siblings adore him and that has helped me warm to them. I watch them play with him and teach him things and I find it beautiful to watch. Maybe that might happen for you down the track. Good luck.

amber3902's picture

Submitted by amber3902 on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 7:58am

Maybe if you try to think of your SS as the big brother to your baby that will help. See if you can get him to help you with little things - "SS, can you get the diaper bag for me?" ... "SS, can you sing a song for your little sister? Thanks, you are such a big help" - get the idea?

Remind yourself that SS is part of the family - he IS your daughter's brother.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 8:47am

Unfortunately far too many SParents lose track of the fact that their family home is also the family home for the Skids. If not full time then during visitaiton. The family is also the Skids as much as it is the SParents and any BKs produced in the marriage.

You know what to do. You have done it before your daughter was born you can do it again. No one is expecting you to love your Skid as much as you do your new baby I for one completely understand what you feeling.

Your feelings are begining to impact the kids wellbeing so it is time for your actions to overcome your feelings. Make the kid welcome in his own home his feeling will settle and most likely yours will too. Actions influence or grow feelings. Let your actions do the right thing.

IMHO of course.