Partners Step child from previous relationship harming my bio child HELP
Hi. Im new here and like everyone here im sure my struggle is nothing extraordinary YET feeling extreme.. If anyone has gone threw my similar issue advice would be grately appreciated im about to seek family counseling for us all. So here is my situation.. My Partner has a Bio son 4yr i have a bio Daughter5yr my Partner has a semi step daughter 7yr she is the older sister to his son... She just found out this past may my Partner is not her real father... She was barely around he did things with her maybe once a month if that ? He never said she was going to be living or staying with us? He had the title dad but isnt really? More like he still cares for her !! Which is completely understandable... And then when we moved into gether i felt like she was pushed on me all of a sudden.. She seemed very nice and yet i know she has some issues with her own real father being in prison and her mother is not really picture perfect.. Her mother began trying to pawn her off on us as much as she could for longer periods... And then i felt pushed into accepting something i had not agreeed to!? Then when my.own daughter moved in she came around a lil bit and would constanly say " wheres my bed? Wheres my room? Where my stuff ? Why does she get everything nice?" Putting me on the spot ? Then we both noticed a day after fathers day my daughters whole top part of her ear was black and blue with a lil gash.... My daughter wouldnt tell me who did it.... The day i saw it my dauhter and her were at day care together also... .. My parents got it out of my daughter who did it... And it was her... Then i caught her grabbing and hurting my daughters arm on the 4th of july standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME.. this lil girl is angry and taking it out on my daughter... I told my partner i dont want her around us anymore and he can have a relationship woth her away from us.. But NOW his younger son is taking hisnanger out on my daughter he is constantly hitting her.. And my partner is in denial... Im at a loss and my daughter is paying for it... Nothing bad has happned tonhis kids soni feel like he doesnt care... And we have a baby on the way together.. Im sorry i dont want that lil girl around and to be taken advantage of by his ex ... But now its his son hurting my girl?? What am i gonna do??? Help please thank you
You supervise your child.
You supervise your child. plain and simple. If you can't supervise them then you probably need to not live in the home with them.. you and your son live apart. I know it sounds harsh.. but that's the situation. Of course your pregnancy complicates it all... but you owe it to your son to keep him safe.
Trying to figure out those involved...
Are you his partner in business---I not trying to be an a**. Is he your boyfriend..Where is bio dad to your 5 year old daghter.
First and most important IS you are required to protect your bio children. HOW you decide to make that happen is up to you and 5yr childs bio dad.
Since you allude your 5 year old is being assulted by 'boyfriends' 4year old boy. And he 'boyfriend' is in denial, MOVEOUT. NO man and I mean NO man is that "good" that you hang around.
Next thing may be your daughter 'accidently' is pushed into a TV...or accidently trips downstairs....or accidently is scolded with hot water.
IF you want this relationship with dude...ok...then hand 5 year over to her biodad. There is no shame in that.
Boyfriend has a decision.
Child protection is ALWAYS first not a love life.
Hhaahah you dont sound like
Hhaahah you dont sound like an asshole at all.. We are not married live together with both our kids for 8months and my Daughters father is not in the picture... I agree he favors his son and lets him get away with shit and being an asshole his kidnis soo rude to my daughter its awful and hes only 4yr.. It makes me soo mad! My daughter will say hi i missed you i lo e you try to give him a hug and he pushed her away and ignors her and bullies her and then my partner makes upnand excuse like he wants his space... Space at 4yr.. And his step daughter is not allowed over anymore since she said she disnt hurt my daughter but my daughter told me and my other family members... We will see if thibgs dont change im gonna leve with the baby not a good situation ..
Time to paddle the bully's
Time to paddle the bully's butt and plant his nose in a corner. More importantly it is time to get your daughter some training so that she can rip off their heads and shit in their lungs the next time either of the StepSibs bully her. (Figuratively of course... more like break a nose or knock out a few teeth).
I was the target of bullies periodically growing up. I was an easy going kid, not particularly agressive, and I changed schools 6 times between 5th and 12th grade. Each time I was targeted by bullies. I hated fighting. Getting hit hurts. Not my favorite thing to experience. So bullies would take a shot. Finally in 7th grade I had enough and came to clarity that getting hit hurts whether I am fighting back or not so it was better to give worse than I got. When I started fighting back I made it count. Two guys jumped me and I left one with his bottom lip split entirely in half hanging in two flaps on either side of his chin, turned to the other guy and he backed away with his hands up. Lippy was the first of 3 bullies that I left requiring surgery to repair the consequences of chosing me as a victim. The second was one of a crowd of boys who tried to drown my in the pool during gym at the new Jr High I moved to in 8th grade. Don't try to drown an AAU champion swimmer. I went under and starting punching them in the crotch and for those who wouldn't quit I grabbed hand fulls of testicles and left most of them puking. One ended up with a ruptured testicle that had to be removed. The third was my Sr. year of HS when I was confronted by three local HS kids in a parking lot. I attended a Military Boarding School in a small town and conflicts between Cadets and local kids were not uncommon. I was alone. The three of them jumped me and I smashed the hand of one of them with a rock. He had bones protruding. The blood sent all three of them running for their car. I was pissed. I got blood on my newly pressed and dressed uniform shirt. Pressing a military creased uniform shirt and getting all of that brass shined and ribbons, badges, etc... on just right took hours. I had other conflicts with bullies but none that were quite as dramatic.
The only way to stop a bully is to make the consequences for bullying painful.
All kids need to know this. IMHO or course.
A bio parent's responsibility
A bio parent's responsibility to their minor children is first and foremost to keep them safe. If you can't do that where you are living you should move out with your daughter. You also need to consider your unborn. He or she will be a helpless baby not able to take care of themselves in any way at all, not even to move away if an older child is hurting them.
Btw Rags, I normally agree with most of your posts, but in this case we are talking about a 4 yr old child and I think meeting violence with violence is inappropriate.
I agree with you! There needs
I agree with you! There needs to be better communication with the bio mom shes never met me ? Its strange she doesnt mind me taking care of her kids? I agree if he cant jump on baord and get these kids help i gotta care for my kids first. His son is just very maniplulative he acts all cute sweet and loving to his dad and then will go in the other room and hit my kid or take her toys away.. Hes a bully:/ and that means HES being bullied... And my daughter isnsweet and easy going so she is getting it !!
I only saw the SpermIdiot
I only saw the SpermIdiot three times in the 16+ years we lived under a CO. Maybe four times. My 58yo memory isn't what it once was.
The first was when I visited my future bride in her home town to meet her parents. SS was then about 20mos old. The SpermIdiot and SpermGrandHag come to my brides GM's house to drop off the Skid with my bride after having him for the afternoon. When they got out of the car the Skid came screaming across the lawn yelling "Daddy!!" jumped in my arms and started yelling "Swing me!". So I grabbed him by the ankles and started swinging him upside down. He laughed his ass off. Then he wanted to fly, so I tossed him way up in the air and caught him on the way down.
Neither the SpermIdiot now SpermGranny were happy about that.
Next was in court when they tried for custody and we handed them their asses. The last time was at a grocery store parking lot when the SpermIdiot and SpermGranny dropped SS off from a weekend we benevolently gave them while we were visition my ILs.
I would have preferred to have never met them and I am sure they share that sentiment. But they sure loved trying to get their CS waived due to my income. Something they never succeeded in making happen.
Some people are far too toxic to care about meeting.
Be carefull what you wish for.
evidence
Not sure where others stand on this but I would say record. Either audio or video/both. Look up what the law says where you are on this and if you can't up and move right now then this might be something for you in the long run. It's something I had thought of a while back for my own situation. For me it was on my phone as and when the explosions went off but if your situation is more subtle then nany cam with a recording function? I know it doesn't protect you or your child (it might though if the whole house knows about it) but if hidden and you have this evidence then maybe it can help down the line.
Seeing some really harsh situations on this site of people taking on others children only to be abused themselves. It's nice to see others helping others though and you're not alone.
Additional** this goes with conversations with loopy people not just the kids, again LOOK UP THE LAW but there are recording apps you can use, test them out and when you meet up with bios etc record if you think it can help.. can't stress enough though look into the laws around this but depending on your situation it may help