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REGRET

MyFamilyFirst's picture

Submitted by MyFamilyFirst on Fri, 07/10/2020 - 1:53pm

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Blended Family Issues

Hey Y'all, I don't know if I just need encouragement or what, but I regret getting married so quickly. I stepped into a marriage with a man with 2 children from 2 previous relationships. One is an adult and the other is a 7 year old. Together we have one son. I take care of my SS and my Biological son. 24/7. My SS bio mom has no custody... Anyways, I was very depressed while pregnant and postpartum was an absolute nightmare. My husband doesn't agree with postpartum depression so I felt very alone and like I was going crazy... I feel like I was a good/convenient option for Him because me and his son really get along. I'm kind to his family and my family is very accepting of him and his children. And he knows that I will take good care and love his son. Which I do. I absolutely do. I think that's why he loves me. I'm not skinny or workout. I can cook and have fun and be a good mom. But I feel like I missed out on a relationship with a man who loves me for more than just loving his kids. I know I'm stuck... but I get so down and regretful. My husband is so kind to me. I love him with my whole heart. I'm young and he's much older than me. And I will always take care of him. He's meantioned to me before in an argument that I'm the one that wanted a child and different little things... I'm just broken. This is not at all what I thought marriage or parenting would be like. Tell me like it is. Any thoughts? 

VWbug14's picture

Submitted by VWbug14 on Fri, 07/10/2020 - 2:30pm

I can relate to you, I had my DS last March, married in Aug, 2 Skids every weekend, my life is over, I feel depressed and ever so lonely. We never have alone time as the skids are here, I work full time, so does he. I feel like I've made a huge mistake *sorry2*

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 07/10/2020 - 2:40pm

No matter how much you love your SO, how many kids you may have with him, etc.... you should not spend your life regretting your marriage in lieu of what  you truly want out of life.  

My XW was a beautiful, intelligent, dynmic and desireable young woman.  Then I married her and the batshit crazy showed up... on our wedding night.  It never went away.  I was all in, had no intention of divorcing, that is not how I was raised nor was it my character.   2.5 years later she gave me the greatest gift possible, she divorced me to pursue her career as an adulterous whore unfettered by our marriage.  It was painful, it was not what I wanted when we started, but the end of it was truly a great blessing.

I firmly believe that experience made me a far better man, husband and father than I would have otherwise been.

You have a choice to make, engage completely in your marriage, accept that you are loved, do the work to take the actions of love to make your life and marriage the life and marriage you want, and the life and marriage your kids/Skids and DH should have, or ...... move on, pursue your dream and save your family the struggle.

Just my thoughts of course.

Good luck.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Fri, 07/10/2020 - 4:35pm

Are you sure you love this man, or do you love the idea of this man or love what you thought you were getting by marrying him? Because he doesn't sound like much of a prize to me. He got a built-in baby sitter for his son, and a nurse for his old age. And you get... ??? Someone who doesn't "believe" in postpartum depression? Does he also not believe in heart disease or cancer because those are inconvenient too? Were you expected to just "get over it?" Snap out of it? Did you seek help from your ob/gyn or other doctor? Or did he belittle you for that too? Obviously he knew you were unhappy. Did he do anything to help you? Or was he just irritated that HIS life was upended? I want to kick him for you.

What ARE you getting from this relationship? What do YOU want and need to be happy? Start there.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Submitted by DHsfamilyfromhell on Fri, 07/10/2020 - 4:40pm

I have no advice. My heart absolutely goes out to you as I have suffered from post partum depression myself (and it is a living hell to find a way out of it), 

To say someone ‘doesnt’ agree with it is mind boggling as your body that produced his wonderful child was recovering and couldn’t help it. Sometimes hormones etc just don’t play ball and not in any way your fault, and therefore you should have had more support. 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sat, 07/11/2020 - 12:16am

I am not sure how you can say that your DH is kind to you, when he denied a very real and nightmarish part of your experience, ie your postnatal depression.  These are NOT the actions of a loving, supportive partner.  

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Sat, 07/11/2020 - 8:57am

Your H does not "believe in" postpartum depression?  Uhm...it exists.  Where did he get his medical degree?  No where.  Go to your GYN and get treatment.  Would you refuse treatment if he did not "believe" in diabetes?

Once you have your hormones and seretonin back under control, reassess what your priorities are and what you want.  You are young and he is not.  Don't forget that very important fact and don't give up your power. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 07/12/2020 - 4:13pm

Brilliant advice.

Not believing in something that clearly exists is just idiocy at the hightest evolution.  If this DH does end up with diabetes it would be a just consequence for his judgmental crap.  See how he feels when his wife tells him not to take his insulin because she does not believe in diabetes. While he has his head in a bucket with blood glucose that would make him the equivelent of a sugar cube he might just find some clarity and a little bit of humility.

This guy just pisses me off with his manipulation of his wife.